This IS my diary -OR- The Eye Of Sorrow
Jason Caraway everyone loves Eva didnt you know that?
While Lilith is getting her teeth ripped out like a 'G', I'm treated to a taste of my pre-vacation life for a bit. The quietness returns. Everything is systematic. Feed and change kids, activate jester mode and lecture and entertain until the predetermined time for shows (on day's when shows are being watched), 10 AM. Which is pointed out by my three year old after much coaching. We're listening to music while I'm sitting in the captains chair amongst the seven golden lampstands and with my two golden robots. They come up and stand near me as we listen. Nic climbs up on the right armrest and Penny climbs up and sits on the left while I thumb through a Karaoke CD wallet. I explain what Karaoke is and this excited Penny greatly. Even more so when she heard the names of several songs she knows, like "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and a few other kids songs.
I've been an emotional wreck for the past couple of months. Like this sailor I saw on the rocks about to turn to bones, I wondered if I really had been speared by a Siren. Now I know It's love. With the weeping in the morning, wondering about her, making it through a day (some day's better than others), and then trying to keep my self from breaking down before sleep. About a handful of days have went by with only one serious breakdown. When this first happened (I fell in love), Lilith was still going down the street for student teaching, so the quietness, the desolation was still there. I wept until I could pull it all down and then became the robot of child rearing perfection you see today.
(Pre-LOVE-arrow picture for generic representation. 'Papa' is stubbled and forty pounds lighter now, and falling apart)
I'm sitting in the captains chair (my chair, as Lilith often say's 'Oh Papa, my Papa'), both golden robots by my sides and the song is pulling her into my head. My face is trying to demand itself not to contort. My tears are trying to force themselves not to roll. My arms can only shimmer but refuse to quiver. I push with everything I have to master this. I know I have no choice.
And then I saw it. I saw something appear in the darkness of my mind.
The Eye of Sorrow.