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Crap Game Competition : Toilet Adventure


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#1 unhuman OFFLINE  

unhuman

    Stargunner

  • 1,207 posts
  • Location:Vienna, VA

Posted Fri Nov 19, 2010 6:26 PM

Ok folks... I think you guys should all be naturals at this one... Try not to read the code...

1 CALL CLEAR::CALL SCREEN(15)::FOR I=1 TO 10::CALL COLOR(I,2,1)::NEXT I
2 PRINT "Toilet Adventure"::PRINT::PRINT "By: unHUman"::PRINT::PRINT("Copyright 2010")::PRINT::PRINT
3 FOR I=1 TO 5::READ R,PR(R),DESC$(R),N(R),S(R),E(R),W(R)::NEXT I
20 DATA 1,0,"I am in a room. To the north I see a door. There are passage ways to the east, west, and south.",5,4,2,3
30 DATA 2,0,"I am in a room. I see an exit to the west.",0,0,0,1
40 DATA 3,0,"I am in a room. I see an exit to the east.",0,0,1,0
50 DATA 4,0,"I am in a room. I see an exit to the north.",1,0,0,0
60 DATA 5,0,"I see a toilet. In this room, I see a window and a sink. There is an exit to the south.",0,1,0,0
200 ROOM=1 :: TURNS = 0 :: DO=0 :: PD = 0 :: SD = 0::OT = 0 :: WO =0

210 PRINT::PRINT DESC$(ROOM)

220 IF PD=1 AND ROOM <> 5 THEN PRINT "A security guard saw my junk. He shot me. I am dead."::END
221 MSG$=""::IF TURNS=7 THEN MSG$="Oh my god!" ELSE IF TURNS=11 THEN MSG$="SERIOUSLY!!!!"
222 IF TURNS=15 THEN MSG$="I'm going to explode!" ELSE IF TURNS=18 THEN MSG$="I'm leaking..."
223 IF MSG{:content:}lt;>"" THEN PRINT::PRINT "** " & MSG$ :: PRINT ELSE IF TURNS=20 THEN 7000
224 INPUT "? ": C$ :: PRINT
225 TURNS = TURNS + 1
230 IF C$ = "LOOK" THEN GOTO 210
231 IF C$ = "TAKE SHIT" OR C$ = "SHIT" OR C$ = "TAKE DUMP" THEN 5000
232 NEXTROOM=-1
233 IF C{:content:}lt;>"DROP PANTS" AND C{:content:}lt;>"DROP DRAWERS" AND C{:content:}lt;>"DOWN PANTS" THEN 240
235 IF SD=0 THEN PD=1::PRINT "My pants are now at my ankles."::GOTO 220
236 PRINT "I can't drop my pants while sitting. Pretty hard to do."::GOTO 220
240 IF C$ = "E" OR C$ = "EAST" OR C$ = "GO EAST" THEN NEXTROOM=E(ROOM)
250 IF C$ = "W" OR C$ = "WEST" OR C$ = "GO WEST" THEN NEXTROOM=W(ROOM)
260 IF C$ = "N" OR C$ = "NORTH" OR C$ = "GO NORTH" THEN NEXTROOM=N(ROOM)
270 IF C$ = "S" OR C$ = "SOUTH" OR C$ = "GO SOUTH" THEN NEXTROOM=S(ROOM)
280 IF NEXTROOM = 0 THEN PRINT "I can't go that way."::GOTO 220
285 IF NEXTROOM = 5 AND DO=0 THEN PRINT "I can't go that way."::GOTO 220
290 IF NEXTROOM > 0 THEN ROOM = NEXTROOM ::GOTO 210
300 IF C{:content:}lt;>"OPEN DOOR" THEN 304
301 IF ROOM=5 AND SD=1 THEN PRINT "I can't open the door while sitting."::GOTO 220
302 IF ROOM=1 OR ROOM=5 THEN DO=1::PRINT "I opened the door."::GOTO 220
303 PRINT "I don't see a door. Pretty hard to do that under the circumstances."::GOTO 220
304 IF C{:content:}lt;>"CLOSE DOOR" THEN 315
305 IF ROOM=5 AND SD=1 AND PD=0 THEN PRINT "I can't reach from here. I scream for help and a real cutie comes and closes the door."
306 IF ROOM=5 AND SD=1 AND PD=0 THEN 220
307 IF ROOM=5 AND SD=1 THEN PRINT "I can't reach from here. I scream for help and a real cutie comes in and serves me a blumpkin."
308 IF ROOM=5 AND SD=1 THEN PRINT "She closes the door on her way out."::D0=0::GOTO 220
309 IF ROOM=1 OR ROOM=5 THEN DO=0::PRINT "I closed the door."::GOTO 220
310 PRINT "I don't see a door. Pretty hard to close one."::GOTO 220
315 IF C{:content:}lt;>"OPEN TOILET" AND C{:content:}lt;>"LIFT LID" AND C{:content:}lt;>"OPEN LID" THEN 320
316 IF ROOM=5 AND SD=1 THEN PRINT "I can't lift what I'm sitting on."::GOTO 220
317 IF ROOM=5 THEN OT=1::PRINT "I lifted the toilet lid."::GOTO 220
318 PRINT "I don't see a toilet. Man, I really gotta go!"::GOTO 220
320 IF C{:content:}lt;>"CLOSE TOILET" AND C{:content:}lt;>"DROP LID" AND C{:content:}lt;>"CLOSE LID" THEN 330
321 IF ROOM=5 AND SD=1 THEN PRINT "I can't close the toilet while I'm sitting on it."::GOTO 220
322 IF ROOM=5 THEN OT=0::PRINT "I closed the toilet lid."::GOTO 220
323 PRINT "Pretty hard to do that from here."::GOTO 220
330 IF C$ <> "SIT DOWN" AND C$ <> "SIT" THEN 340
331 IF ROOM=5 THEN SD=1::PRINT "I sat down on the toilet. It's kind of warm."::GOTO 220
332 PRINT "I don't see any place to sit."::GOTO 220
340 IF C{:content:}lt;>"STAND UP" AND C{:content:}lt;>"STAND" THEN 350
341 IF SD=1 THEN SD=0::PRINT "Standing."::GOTO 220
342 PRINT "I wasn't sitting, you big dummy."::GOTO 220
350 IF C{:content:}lt;>"OPEN WINDOW" THEN 360
351 IF ROOM=5 AND SD=1 THEN PRINT "I can't reach that from here."::GOTO 220
352 IF ROOM=5 THEN WO=1::PRINT "I opened the window... What a nice breeze. Kinda sets the mood just right."::GOTO 220
353 PRINT "I don't see a window. Man, I really gotta go!"::GOTO 220
360 IF C{:content:}lt;>"CLOSE WINDOW" THEN 370
361 IF ROOM=5 AND SD=1 THEN PRINT "I can't reach that from here."::GOTO 220
362 IF ROOM=5 THEN WO=0::PRINT "I closed the window."::GOTO 220
363 PRINT "There's not a window to close."::GOTO 220
370 REM

1000 PRINT "You are confusing me."::GOTO 221

5000 PRINT::PRINT
5001 IF ROOM = 5 THEN 5020
5010 PRINT "Who taught you to shit? In the middle of a public building? The security guard shot me. What would your mother think?"::END
5020 IF SD=1 THEN 5040
5030 PRINT "I can't shit while standing. And I can't hold it anymore. Pooped in pants and died of shame."::END
5040 IF PD=1 THEN 5060
5050 PRINT "You shit without dropping your drawers? The poo drips down my leg and I slip on the floor and die."::END
5060 IF OT=1 THEN 5080
5070 PRINT "I took a shit w/o opening the lid of the toilet. The poo is smashed between my butt cheeks."
5071 PRINT "It turns to glue and I die of starvation stuck to the bowl. Nobody hears me scream."::END
5080 PRINT "Oh sheer delight... The best poo ever! So much shit, I think I'll never need to shit again."
5090 IF DO=1 THEN PRINT "But... you forgot to close the door. Some kid sees me and tells his Daddy. Daddy kills me."::END
5100 IF WO=0 THEN PRINT "But... there's no air in here and I die of asphyxiation."::END
5200 END

7000 PRINT::PRINT
7010 PRINT "I couldn't hold it any longer. You though exploding was just an expression, but, today that's not the case."
7020 PRINT "I'm now spackled all over the walls of this formerly nice building. That poor guy that's gotta clean me up."

Edited by unhuman, Fri Nov 19, 2010 6:26 PM.


#2 InfernalKeith OFFLINE  

InfernalKeith

    Dragonstomper

  • 716 posts
  • Location:Toledo, OH

Posted Fri Nov 19, 2010 9:37 PM

Dammit! You beat me to it. I was gonna do a text adventure for the crap game contest. It wasn't toilet-related, though. Maybe I'll still do it.
  • RXB likes this

#3 Opry99er OFFLINE  

Opry99er

    Quadrunner

  • 9,789 posts
  • Location:Hustisford, WI

Posted Fri Nov 19, 2010 9:51 PM

All you need now is a sh*t SPRITE floating across the screen.... Shame the 9918 doesn't have a nice "brown" color. :)

#4 Cebus Capucinis OFFLINE  

Cebus Capucinis

    Not-so-secretly Trolling

  • 8,013 posts
  • Wiseass Extraordinaire
  • Location:Ellensburg, WA

Posted Fri Nov 19, 2010 9:54 PM

Any chance you will put this on a cartridge so we can DUMP it?

#5 unhuman OFFLINE  

unhuman

    Stargunner

  • Topic Starter
  • 1,207 posts
  • Location:Vienna, VA

Posted Fri Nov 19, 2010 9:56 PM

Any chance you will put this on a cartridge so we can DUMP it?


Best lame joke yet!

#6 S1500 OFFLINE  

S1500

    River Patroller

  • 4,712 posts
  • Location:Twin Cities

Posted Fri Nov 19, 2010 10:06 PM

Is this a spiritual sequel to diarhhea dan?

#7 snume OFFLINE  

snume

    Star Raider

  • 74 posts
  • CAD Draftsman
  • Location:Prince Albert, SK, Canada

Posted Fri Nov 19, 2010 11:04 PM

Ha Ha!! Within 2 moves a security guard put a bullet in me.

But I had to replace the {:content:}lt; with $<. The code window isn't quite perfect I guess.

Good one.

#8 Ranger03 OFFLINE  

Ranger03

    Chopper Commander

  • 151 posts

Posted Sat Jul 7, 2018 6:58 PM

what a shitty ending :)



#9 Ranger03 OFFLINE  

Ranger03

    Chopper Commander

  • 151 posts

Posted Sat Jul 7, 2018 7:07 PM

this is my version for the vic 20

Attached Files



#10 OLD CS1 OFFLINE  

OLD CS1

    Quadrunner

  • 5,331 posts
  • Technology Samurai
  • Location:Tallahassee, FL

Posted Sat Jul 7, 2018 7:45 PM

I literally can't even...



#11 Ranger03 OFFLINE  

Ranger03

    Chopper Commander

  • 151 posts

Posted Sat Jul 7, 2018 8:06 PM

I literally can't even...

i know what you mean, forget i posted



#12 unhuman OFFLINE  

unhuman

    Stargunner

  • Topic Starter
  • 1,207 posts
  • Location:Vienna, VA

Posted Mon Jul 9, 2018 8:33 PM

Of all my dead threads, this is the one the comes back up!  You should port Knife Fight too!



#13 Ranger03 OFFLINE  

Ranger03

    Chopper Commander

  • 151 posts

Posted Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:13 PM

7020 LOL






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