20 replies to this topic

[Koopa64]

Guys, I need some help. I met up with yet another Atari engineer who had oodles of stuff to say. Half way through the conversation, the nonsense spewing from his mouth detached me from reality. It seemed as if time had stopped and all I could see was him talk about how the redesigned 5200 controllers were amazing and how 'you should have seen them in action'. I reached for a spare Atari controller, walked over to him and strangled the life out of him. Once all was said and done, I didn't even know what I did. He kept twitching, which scared the crap out of me, so I grabbed a knife and cut him in a few places. Now there was this stupid puddle of blood on the damn floor. It was hardwood and he never varnished it so the blood was definitely not coming out of that floor. I threw the body in the back yard and tried replacing the floor with some of his Atari cartridges. It kind of fixed the problem but looked worse than before. I went out back again and wrapped his body up with Atari boxes and manuals now that they were orphaned from their carts.

Now I've reached my problem. See, I need to think of a place to dump his body now. Can somebody suggest something? Maybe a KFC or the back alley of the Police Station? I hope those boxes and manuals aren't too suspicious...  

[jaybird3rd]

Koopa64, on Sat Apr 9, 2011 10:08 PM, said:

Now I've reached my problem. See, I need to think of a place to dump his body now. Can somebody suggest something? Maybe a KFC or the back alley of the Police Station? I hope those boxes and manuals aren't too suspicious...  

Well, I've heard there's this abandoned landfill in Alamogordo.  Everyone talks endlessly about it and that "E.T. overstock mass burial" that supposedly took place there, but after thirty years of idle chatter, nobody's so much as touched it with a shovel, so I doubt anybody would ever find the body there.  And if somebody tips off the police, hey ... maybe their meticulous forensic digs will finally uncover those E.T. cartridges!  So either way, it's a win-win!

(Oh, and if you're wondering how to transport the body to New Mexico without getting caught ... just fly it down to Mexico and smuggle it back across the border wrapped in cocaine.  I guarantee nobody will even try to stop you.)

[Koopa64]

Thank you very much Jay, that sounds like a plan!

One problem though, I don't know where to buy any cocaine. Can I just use powered sugar instead?

[jaybird3rd]

Koopa64, on Sat Apr 9, 2011 10:31 PM, said:

I don't know where to buy any cocaine. Can I just use powered sugar instead?

Sure, why not?  It seems to work great for those people who are always mailing suspicious envelopes to Congress.  Just don't tell any border patrol agents you meet that you need all that sugar for powdered doughnuts, or else they'll want to confiscate the doughnuts.

[Koopa64]

Ah, good point, but why would I need to tell them it's for donuts? From your last post it seems they accept cocaine just fine. I was asking if I could use powdered sugar as a substitute. It'll probably work anyways.

If anybody wants a house real cheap in California just let me know. I can't say I knew the engineer who owned it. He made mention of "Wiz's Mom" but I thought it was an inside joke or something. Anybody know who this is? Kahn Mebbe can't have been his real name.

[oldjd]

Bad week to be an ex Atari engineer huh?

[wood_jl]

I guess if you want anything to vanish, just bury it with those darned E.T. cartridges.  Garbage, evidence, nuclear waste, etc....  Just put it all where the fabled E.T. cartridges are, and it's gone.  LOL

[Bryan]

While you've still got him, put some jumper cables on his nipples and see if you can find out where the Sword is. Then shoot him in the head. The last thing we need is undead Atari engineers roaming about.

[atari181]

LOL best Thread Ever!

[toiletunes]

You forgot the 3 S Rule:

Shoot
Shovel
Shut Up

[Corby]

atari181, on Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:36 PM, said:

LOL best Thread Ever!

Yup! Its more believable than the last one!!!!!!

[HollowBeers]

"I don't know where to buy any cocaine. Can I just use powered sugar instead?"

I suggest you use iocane powder. It is odorless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in liquid, and is among the more deadlier poisons known to man.

[wood_jl]

This engineer you killed, I'll bet you ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chanti.

Edited by wood_jl, Tue Apr 12, 2011 9:22 AM.

[raskar42]

just shove his body into an empty 5200 shell. it's big enough.

[Schizophretard]

If you are serious then give the flesh to hungry hogs. Boil the bones to scrap off more meat. Microwave the bones until they are extremely dry. Get a metal bucket, put the bones in there, and then crush them with a brick until they are like powder. Mix the bone powder into a big bag of kitty litter. Use it as kitty litter. Problem solved. If you aren't serious and this is just a sick joke then I have no idea how you get rid of a body.

[frogstar_robot]

Schizophretard, on Fri Apr 29, 2011 3:38 AM, said:

If you are serious then give the flesh to hungry hogs. Boil the bones to scrap off more meat. Microwave the bones until they are extremely dry. Get a metal bucket, put the bones in there, and then crush them with a brick until they are like powder. Mix the bone powder into a big bag of kitty litter. Use it as kitty litter. Problem solved. If you aren't serious and this is just a sick joke then I have no idea how you get rid of a body.

I always liked the idea of mixing the bone powder into concrete and pouring a driveway with it.  That way if the cops come over asking you about the deceased you can say "I dunno" while you all are walking on the guy.

[Schizophretard]

frogstar_robot, on Fri Apr 29, 2011 8:18 AM, said:

Schizophretard, on Fri Apr 29, 2011 3:38 AM, said:

If you are serious then give the flesh to hungry hogs. Boil the bones to scrap off more meat. Microwave the bones until they are extremely dry. Get a metal bucket, put the bones in there, and then crush them with a brick until they are like powder. Mix the bone powder into a big bag of kitty litter. Use it as kitty litter. Problem solved. If you aren't serious and this is just a sick joke then I have no idea how you get rid of a body.

I always liked the idea of mixing the bone powder into concrete and pouring a driveway with it.  That way if the cops come over asking you about the deceased you can say "I dunno" while you all are walking on the guy.

That idea sounds interesting but if you don't use the litter box then you'll have to crap in the driveway and that is just crazy.

[purduecrum]

A little vinegar will get the blood out of that flooring and those replacement carts.  And if it doesn't work your house will at least smell all vinegary.

[jaybird3rd]

purduecrum, on Sat Apr 30, 2011 6:07 AM, said:

A little vinegar will get the blood out of that flooring and those replacement carts.  And if it doesn't work your house will at least smell all vinegary.

... and if anybody asks about the vinegar smell, you can just tell them that you're cleaning all your coffee pots.  Then you can use that as a segue into talking about the plumbing and all the trouble you've been having with the lime and sulfur in the water, conveniently changing the subject before they can ask any more questions.

[OldSchoolRetroGamer]

jaybird3rd, on Mon May 2, 2011 9:18 PM, said:

purduecrum, on Sat Apr 30, 2011 6:07 AM, said:

A little vinegar will get the blood out of that flooring and those replacement carts.  And if it doesn't work your house will at least smell all vinegary.

... and if anybody asks about the vinegar smell, you can just tell them that you're cleaning all your coffee pots.  Then you can use that as a segue into talking about the plumbing and all the trouble you've been having with the lime and sulfur in the water, conveniently changing the subject before they can ask any more questions.

You guys are kinda freakin me out!

[Schizophretard]

OldSchoolRetroGamer, on Mon May 2, 2011 10:20 PM, said:

jaybird3rd, on Mon May 2, 2011 9:18 PM, said:

purduecrum, on Sat Apr 30, 2011 6:07 AM, said:

A little vinegar will get the blood out of that flooring and those replacement carts.  And if it doesn't work your house will at least smell all vinegary.

... and if anybody asks about the vinegar smell, you can just tell them that you're cleaning all your coffee pots.  Then you can use that as a segue into talking about the plumbing and all the trouble you've been having with the lime and sulfur in the water, conveniently changing the subject before they can ask any more questions.

You guys are kinda freakin me out!

Why? You're not an Atari engineer. OR ARE YOU?!