DZ-Jay's Random Blog - Christmas Carol: A Short Story - Part XIII

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I'm stuck. No, I don't have writer's block (whatever that is), I know precisely what I want to write and all the next story elements that need to be included. I just haven't written anything for the past week. Not a single word.

If I'm honest with myself, I can tell that I've been avoiding it. The first few days, I would sit down at my computer, go to the manuscript and read the last few paragraphs to get back into it, and then ... go goof off and do something else. After a few days of that, I stopped going to the manuscript altogether and just went directly to the goofing off part. Outside the computer, while taking a shower, or walking to the gym after work, or just sitting around after having lunch, I would fantasize of the next part I would write. I would tell myself, "what's next? Oh, I need to do this, and that, and the other thing ..." and couldn't wait to go back to the computer to continue.

Then, I would just ... not do it. I don't know why, I couldn't get motivated to write.

I tell myself that I can't stop now, that I'm past the hardest parts of the story -- namely, the characterization of the Ghost and Carol's introduction to him -- and that the rest is the cool and fun stuff I've been wanting to get to since the beginning. Yet, I can't be moved to type a single word.

Now I have given myself an ultimatum (sure, like that works! ) that I will complete Chapter 8 this week-end and start Chapter 9. I even took the next week off from work, party because I need a break, but mostly because I wanted to dedicate several days to putting some meat onto this story's bones. Today, I told myself, I must continue writing. Kickstart the process again, ignite my motivation, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah.

So, here I am, writing another blog entry.

I do wonder if this is really just more severe procrastination on my part, or is it something more? Am I afraid to continue? If so, why? What's keeping my subconscious mind, the "writing me" if you will, from wanting to go back to the story? Do I not know how to proceed? Is there some sort of plot hole or narrative obstacle that bothers me? Am I just pre-emptively concerned about what my 12 year-old nephew will think when he comes over next week and reads the story for me?

(Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that he is coming and he volunteered to give it a try and provide feedback. No pressure. )

I don't know. Honestly, I don't know. It could just be that I'm just procrastinating. God knows I do that well. However, I'm sort of afraid that there may be something wrong and I just don't know how to identify it or work around it.

Yet ... I can't think of a thing stopping me or a reason to be afraid. Even if my nephew hates the story, chances are that he will hate what's there already, not whatever I write this week. This is very stupid.

(Two minutes later ...)

OK, I've made up my mind that this is all so very stupid and that I won't accept it. I like the story. I love the way it has turned out, and I truly believe it has some great potential. I don't want to stop and I really want to get it done. So I will force myself to continue working. I'm sure that once I start it going, it'll all be fine. I just need to get back to writing one more sentence.

I won't let it go beyond today. I'm not giving up. Carol must complete her mission!!!

Fine, that's it. No more platitudes or words of encouragement. Let's get back to work.

See ya'!
dZ.

http://atariage.com/forums/blog/743/entry-15116-christmas-carol-a-short-story-part-xiii/