Thanks for the reply, Mr SQL. I think it's not a moral issue, since you're right and as others have pointed out there's almost no way to get the money into the hands of the responsible programmers. Not that I'm above trying. I think a sentimental gesture can often be very convincing.
My hangup (and it is mine specifically, I should emphasize) has more to do with the authenticity of the experience, I think? If I'm flying between ROMs in an emulator for instance there's less incentive for me to play any one game for a significant period of time because I know I don't have to get up, take out the cart and insert another to play a new game. The same goes for whether I paid for the game and often how much I paid for it. I've noted that I'm much more patient with games that cost me money because I want to get my money's worth. And through that patience I've often found games I've enjoyed that had I not been patient enough to unearth their value I would not have enjoyed.
And I know these arguments are trifles in the minds of others, which is fine. Clearly I've given the wrong idea to many here that I'm out to proselytize for my way of playing. I'm not. And I clearly put my opinions out there in the wrong way and in the wrong places.
In a way the convenience of flashcarts and ROMs changes the retrogaming experience in a way that for me feels hostile to the genuine experience. Again, the genuine experience as I alone like to imagine it.