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About this blog

a way to begin writing again

Entries in this blog

 

despair

So I move Monday, which makes it official. I'm not a teacher anymore.   I really hate that. I'm really good at explaining things, and I get along well with my students (particularly the bad ones) not as a friend or anything but as an adult they can trust and learn from and joke around with sometimes. I'm not nearly this good at anything else I do. I feel like I was put on this earth to teach, and now I'm quitting. It feels terrible. I know that in theory I'm going back to grad school to

gospeedde

gospeedde

 

finally, a poem

Apparently I've been living in Southern California too long. I was feeling all melancholy tonight, for the first time in years was able to put it in words, and it turned out to be a poem about Fall. I always liked Fall. I know the poem is trite, and short, and sorta crappy, but it is the first poem I've written in years that got past the first line before being deleted. Here's to progress.   Fall   moon whispers through the trees white sound speckled in my ears phantoms dance on the ed

gospeedde

gospeedde

 

longer than 2 characters

So I went to the Atari thingy in LA. It actually went far better than I expected. I went by myself to a party where I didn't know anyone, which I'm pretty sure is a first for me, and I actually had a pretty decent time. I missed the high score on Mrs. Pacman by 4 freekin points (shakes fist at whoever it was who nudged me out). I even had some decent conversation with a few people, which is pretty good for me because I usually wallflower at parties. I have definite avoidant tendencies, so t

gospeedde

gospeedde

 

guess who didn't die

Yup. Me. Isn't that exciting. I've even been joking that my surgery was so fast that it gave me whiplash. My doctor says my neck hurts from the breathing tube, but what does he know. Apparently I am feeling it this time and not last time because this time I didn't take any pain meds after the surgery. It's been two and a half weeks and I can walk and drive and even turn left (my head AND my leg), but my knee is still swollen and sometimes it buckles. All in all, it is going well.   In u

gospeedde

gospeedde

 

chu chu chu chaaanges

I've been offline for a while now. Life was sucking up all my energy and I didn't have and left for the interweb. However, things are finally looking up.   Next week I go in for my followup surgery for my ACL replacement. The doctor says it will be a really easy surgery, nothing like the last one. Afterwards, he says I'll really start to heal. I haven't been able to jog in almost a year now. Being out of soccer really sucks and this is the first time in my life that I've been inactive.

gospeedde

gospeedde

 

ten kinds of less depressing

So, I have a new project. Well, two new projects actually, but only one of them is exciting. The unexciting one is that I've decided to rewrite ALL my curriculum for next year. Totally different. Everything. Tons and tons of work, but not exciting. At least not to anyone else.   The exciting one is that I've decided to trace my ancestry, which is amusing because I hardly know anything about my family. Way fun, though. As it turns out I'm related to one Nicholas Massey who came to the

gospeedde

gospeedde

 

yay for candles

So tonight I was burning my favorite candle (thanks chicky!) and watching the flame flicker in the not-as-cool-as-I'd-hoped breeze from the fan that is masquerading as my air conditioning. I've been having difficulty sleeping and was hoping to clear my head with a little mind-numbing staring before going to bed. Instead, I ended up writing this. It's not good, and it's not what I'd hoped to write, but for the first time since you died I feel like I'm starting to be able to put it into words.

gospeedde

gospeedde

 

I Can't Write Anymore

I've been trying to write about Casey for a long time now, so that I can deal and move on, but it just isn't working out. Everything I write seems trivial, or just wrong. I love him and I want to understand what he did, but I don't think I'm doing a very good job. I'm writing about it here in the hopes that it will unjinx me, sorta like calling someone up about your broken computer and suddenly having it start working as soon as they answer the phone. I don't post here often enough that peop

gospeedde

gospeedde

 

First First Week

So I made it through the first week of school. It was interesting, to say the least. On Tuesday I was told that since I am department head (which I just found out I don’t get paid for, by the way) I had to make 35 copies of the pretest for each teacher by Thursday. That meant that I had two days to make 210 copies of a 26 page document. Plus, the collator on the copier was broken so I had to hand collate them. Ah, the joys of leadership. I get to teach both 7th and 8th grade English again

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Kitty Comes Inside

So, I have been wooing the neighborhood stray for months now. She is pretty. I named her Ayla. She spends a good deal of her time right outside my door. For months this is where she slept. I would scare the crap out of her every time I opened the door.Now, she sleeps here, IF I stay in the same room and keep the tv on and don't make any sudden moves or drop anything AND there are no loud noises from outside. She's mine I tell you, mine!Awww, so cute!

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Guest

 

I am 1/3 of a success!

I like setting goals. This summer my goal was to go out on a date, just one date, but it had to be a REAL date (i.e. no friends as backup, involving some actual conversation, and leaving the door open for future romance so as not to be just two friends hanging out). I started out doing fairly well, for me. I made some guy off craigslist take me to Batman Begins. He was very nice but I wussed out and made it very clear that I just wanted someone to go to the movie with me. I did well for my

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Guest

 

kitties

Since I have been home a lot on summer vacation, I have managed to lure the stray cat at my apartment complex into being friends. It is nice. I haven't had a cat since Tabby.The picture is sorta misleading because I had Tabby till I went to college. It is making me feel a lot better having a cat around to brush and pet and play with. I am much less lonely now and starting to have the strength to deal with stuff again. It is probably not all because of the cat, but I'm going to claim it is a

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Guest

 

Presents

I got two really neat presents from my students today for the end of school. First, I got a card from one of my 8th graders. On the inside it says, "Here's to unsung angels such as you" and then he wrote, "Thank you so much for everything you've done for me and every one of your students. I hope there is only more good to come to you in the future. You deserve it." Then, as if that wasn't enough, one of my 7th graders gave me this picture she made herself. On the back it says, "Thank you f

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I could be in big trouble

Today at work I found out that a parent of a special ed student has called an advocate in to have a meeting about me. She is claiming that I failed to modify instruction for her son, and am therefore in violation of his IEP (Individual Education Program). This is a very serious charge and, if the advocate at the meeting on Monday agrees with the parent, it could lead to me getting sued. I am very angry and upset about the whole thing, and it is seriously causing me to rethink my commitment to

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Guest

 

Knitting

I love knitting. It's the only way I can be artistic since I lack all other artsy skills. Plus, it's relaxing. I honestly don't know which part I like better, designing the sweaters or actually knitting them. I usually make sweaters for my friends that match something about their personality. Lately I've run out of friends that I'm inspired to make sweaters for, so I've been doing Atari programmers. I've been too busy to knit for a while, but I did just get a scanner so I added some pics t

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Guest

 

i am not good at things

I have a plant. It's name is Plant. It lives on a bench next to the window in my livingroom. My window is all of three feet from a regularly used sidewalk, so I keep my blinds shut most of the time. Plant does not approve of this. He shows his displeasure by pretending to die. In fact, from inside my house, he appears to be completely dead. There are all of eight branches, and not a green leaf on them. From the outside, though, its a different story. There are two branches that made it

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Guest

 

why teaching is good

So this week the students in a few classes are writing notes to their favorite teachers for day of the teacher. I got these two today and they made my whole day. Friggin' cute.Student 1:I know you don't like me. But I still think you are the best English teacher in this school. I know I behaved bad in your class but I'm sorry. And I know you don't like some of the things I do like not listening to you and stuff. Starting now I will try to be nicer and I will behave good in your class. I w

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Guest

 

I am the king of I-told-you-so

I’ve been fighting with administrators of one form or another all year long and losing rather spectacularly. Until Friday, that is. I have been trying to get a teacher fired for about two months. He’s new to teaching and he’s just not cut out for it. He’s very mild mannered so the kids ignore him, then he gets mad and explodes. The students have been telling me how he pulls them back into the classroom and shuts the door on them when they try to leave. Some of them have had red marks on th

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Guest

 

Heroes

When we were very young my sister thought I could fly. She was convinced of it for almost a year. The whole thing started because we slept in bunk beds. Being older, I had the upper bunk. One night, deep in sleep, I tumbled out of bed. My sister went running into my parents’ bedroom to tell them that I had gone flying past her and was now sleeping on the floor. She was amazed and would not believe that I had fallen, no matter how many times they tried to tell her. For a little while there

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Sandpoint

It’s late and quiet and I’m missing home. I’d like to be walking through the forest right now, with the wind in my face and the moon’s faint glow falling in patches through the trees. The world a layered darkness lit fitfully from above. Pine needles and moss muffling the noise of my footsteps. An owl hooting somewhere in the distance. What a joy it would be to sit alone by the edge of the lake, listening to the wavelets wash against the shore and looking for satellites or falling stars. T

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