Star Trek 3... and beyond
Since the Star Trek reboot seems intent on recycling old story elements for their films, I thought I'd help them out with a plot summary for the next one.
Okay… it starts out with a group of space hippies who steal Spock's brain.
Their society (which is based on ancient Rome) is under the control of an intelligent supercomputer named Landru (who talks like a 1930's gangster), and they need Spock's brain to build a weapon to defeat their enemies (space Nazis) on a neighboring planet. And the weapon they want to build? Why, a Doomsday Machine of course! But not just any Doomsday Machine - this is a giant, intelligent, living Doomsday Machine based on the DNA of a Tribble, so the more planets it eats, the more it reproduces.
Which brings us to the inevitable title: Star Trek - The Trouble With Doomsday Machines
That's right - this one's a comedy!
Audiences will be rolling in the aisles laughing at the wacky hi-jinks of these gigantic, terrible, fuzzy, purring, planet-destroying monstrosities. Special effects the likes of which have never been seen will keep viewers riveted in their seats as they watch entire planets full of billions of people destroyed in excruciating detail with more lens flares than can be counted, and the hilarious antics of Kirk and his crew as they try to stop them.
As the entire galaxy is filled with Doomsday Machines and the universe is about to come to an end, Kirk and crew discover the Guardian of Forever, which enables them to travel back through time to put a stop to it before it starts.
They find a woman (oddly enough, still played by Joan Collins) responsible for whatever caused society to need to build Landru in the first place and Kirk falls in love with her. Just as they're all about to be executed by Klingons, she's attacked and killed by a Mugato (look it up), and since the Doomsday Machine was now never built in the first place, Spock's brain was never stolen, and Kirk's crew never traveled back in time, they all suddenly find themselves back on board the Enterprise completely unaware that anything ever happened.
Except for the fact...
... that they're now in the Mirror Universe!
Cue the fourth movie: Star Trek - All of our Yesterdays' Tomorrows
Dear Paramount,
You're welcome.
- 1
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