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I just don't understand........

PacManPlus

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Back in 2011, 8 months after I moved to Florida from Long Island, my best friend of 33 years (at the time) was diagnosed with throat cancer. He did smoke, but was not a heavy smoker (like someone who would go through packs a day).

This cancer eventually spread to his lungs, and he tried many different (even experimental) procedures to shove the cancer into remission. Nothing seemed to work. I prayed just about every day since his diagnosis asking God to heal him. A week and a half ago, the doctors finally sent him home with Hospice telling him that there is nothing more they can do. They gave him two weeks.

 

The weekend before this one, his wife (who is bi-polar) overdosed on prescription pain medication mixed with alcohol and passed away. She was having a difficult time dealing with Don not having long left, and couldn't deal with it any longer. She was also a friend to me and my wife. I had just texted with her hours earlier about what was going on with him (I can't bring myself to delete the text). This devastated all of us, especially my best friend who is already trying to get his affairs in order.

 

I went up to Long Island in May for almost a week to visit him, but I'm going back up tomorrow for what will most likely be the last time I see him. I can only stay for three days total this time, so I'll be back Friday night.

 

He and his wife leave a six-year old daughter to be raised by his sister; I can't even imagine what this poor child has to deal with at this young age. For myself, it was hard enought losing my mother and father at 18 and 25 respectively (both also to cancer).

 

This is kind of part of the reason I haven't been on much.

I don't know why I'm even writing this here.

 

 



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We all hear ya. I guess the most positive thing that can come of this is using as a reminder to keep ourselves healthy. Even if it means just one less cigarette or sodium benzoate filled soda pop. Our health greatly affects the lives of those around us.

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Bob...I am extremely sorry for the ordeal you and your wife are experiencing, but even more so for the precious 6 year old. You're a good friend and a self-sacrificing human being. Not that this period of time needed it as testimony, but your heart is gold. Your friend now, and most certainly his daughter and sister know the good of humanity despite the unfairness. Your example, as I've mentioned to you in the past, has and will touch the lives and hearts of people in ways that will not immediately manifest itself always.

 

Honestly, I don't know what (if anything) is after this "life". Regardless, the world is a better place because of people like you. The goodness that abounds helps to progress humanity for the better. To state the very least, your post and openness with the community has helped me to remember the more important things and people in life. I hope for better days ahead for you and your loved ones, and know you and those you care about are in our thoughts and in our hearts. Thank you for being who you are.

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Thanks, guys for all of the support and the kind words. I just got back. It was tough leaving there, as he even said to me what I stated above that this is the last time we will see each other in person.

 

Two of his sisters are taking care of him. I keep praying for a miracle, but if and when he gets called home, I will miss him terribly.

 

Thanks again.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. The feeling of saying good-bye to someone and know that it will probably be the last time you say good-bye is gut-wrenching. He's lucky to have had you as a friend.

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Thanks, guys.

 

Here's the update:

A few days ago, his sister texted me that he was back in the hospital. The nurses there said he wasn't coming home and he was dying. I was making plans to go up next Wednesday.

This morning I texted her to see how he was. She said he was awake but they had to medicate him because he was very anxious, and he was sleeping. She said it would be a good idea if I come up soon. I decided to change my flight to go up tomorrow (Friday).

 

While I was waiting outside my supervisor's office to update her, I got the text from his sister that he was gone. It hit me like a ton of bricks. They said I was actually shaking when I went into her office. I then went home to make the arrangements, and Donald's sister called me and we both cried. She told me to wait to come up until the funeral arrangements were complete. So I canceled my flights and I'm waiting to hear back from her.

 

I feel like there's a hole now...

 

-Life seems to be a repeat of watching the people you love die, until it's finally your turn.

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*Hugs*Bob*Hugs*

 

People leave a legacy, Bob. Perhaps not one written in the history books for all to read about, but the good done in their life, the positive brought, has moved and motivated others in ways we may never fully know.

 

You're an outstanding person. Donald's sister and other loved ones will no doubt be strengthened and comforted by your presence, and in turn, may you find strength, comfort, and peace as well.

 

Warmest thoughts and great sympathy for all impacted.

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Thoughts and prayers Bob! Have had extremely close family and friends that have passed similarly, so can relate. :(

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Bob, I am really sorry to hear this. I feel your pain.

 

I myself am taking care of my mother right now, who was diagnosed with lung cancer in February; since then it has gone on to the brain, and she can not even sit by herself anymore. Cancer is a treacherous disease. You may not notice it before it is too late, therapies may make you feel much better, only to have the illness strike back with twice the strength.

 

To lose someone close to you, or as it happens with this disease, to follow the slow but inevitable fate is a great hardship on anyone. There's nothing you could do to be there earlier. His suffering has ended, and whatever your beliefs may be, he is certainly in a better place now than in the worst days of illness.

 

Be strong.

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I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss, Bob. It sounds like the two of you had a very special friendship. :(

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Bob-so sorry to hear about this...let us know if there is anything that we can do. Hang in there man...

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Thanks guys - I really appreciate the thoughts and comments.

 

His funeral is next Saturday, so I'm going up to LI on Friday and coming back on Monday.

 

Again, thank you - you all are like a second family here.

Bob

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Just got back from Long Island and the funeral.

 

This was an extremely difficult weekend. I can't believe that the person I grew up with is no longer here. I was one of the Pall Bearers, along with Gordon (another friend of ours), Jim (another friend of Don's), and Brandon (his 15 year old son).

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Hang in there, Bob.

 

To wax philosophical... time is a dimension that spreads out infinitely like any other, but because of our limited nature we can only see one point on that line - the now. In a very concrete way, past, present, and the future all exist as part of a static picture, containing all of us that have gone, those that are here, and those that will come.

 

That thought always gives me a bit of comfort when I contemplate how short life seems. Hoping it does the same for you.

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