Sssnake (Data Age)
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Entry posted by DoctorSpuds
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I am saddened by this game, since I can see a little glimmer of greatness in there but it is so masked by how garbage the rest of the experience is that it doesn’t really matter. Sssnake is an awful game that makes you feel awful when you play it and absolutely relieved when you turn it off. I’ll admit that this particular game is hard for me to review; it’s pretty well known that I do enjoy bad games, but those games are entertainingly bad, Sssnake is just… bad, so I’ll try to keep it brief (but we all know that’s not happening).
This game looks like sadness incarnate. IT’S JUST A BUNCH OF RECTANGLES, and the manual tries so hard to convince you that they are but fails horribly “The red squares on your screen are barriers like bricks in the fortress walls, petrified trees, etc. You cannot shoot through them.” Great job guys at telling me exactly what they aren’t! The titular snakes are just a bunch of yellow squares (at this moment I am wildly, yet silently, gesticulating in an attempt to rationalize this visual information, and failing miserably.) The big game hunter you control is shaped like a diamond and the big game you’re supposedly hunting are just blobs with eyeholes, there are several different designs but all are just as vague and weird as the rest of the game, which is very.
Sounds? You shoot, you hit and enemy, you die, they’re all the most basic beeps and krrsh’s available, there is nothing unique, nothing interesting and nothing that would denote and form of effort in any possible way.
Imagine if Centipede and Stronghold and a demon baby, and there ya go its Sssnake. You are stuck in the center of the screen but are not allowed free movement in the space you have, you are stuck moving slowly around the edges of the empty space which makes avoiding anything impossible since you cannot dodge. The red squares will block your shots, which makes all but the first row of squares irrelevant since you won’t be hitting any of them since the first row does it all just fine. Your movement is not limited to a grid, so you can move smoothly and thereby shoot nothing but the red squares, also shooting the red squares makes the entire game speed up, and since your gun is on rapid fire accidentally shooting the bricks may cost you the game since hitting the constantly approaching snakes is impossible. The entire premise of the game is to shoot the big game while avoiding the snakes, the problem is you can’t really hit the snakes, and not hitting the snakes makes the snakes speed up and kill you faster, you can see how this isn’t fun, right?
This game is shit, and not the enjoyable kind either, this game is just plain bad. Don’t buy this game, seriously, don’t do it. I’m not even going to tell you the prices for this game on Ebay, because as far as I’m concerned you shouldn’t even be able to give this game away for free. To the deepest depths of the Collector’s Zone for this game, the box art was the best part of the game an even that wasn’t very good. LET. IT. BURN.
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