I've had it!
Thought I would just engage in a bit of personal therapy...
For the last 6 months, it's been just treading water. I've finally come to the realization that I either need to seriously go hard professionally, or live a bit smaller so I can feed the soul better. There is no doing both at this time, as far as I can see.
So... Feeding the soul is going to trump climbing the corporate ladder. Having recently turned 40, I find I have gained some perspective on wealth that is surprising to me!
Wealthy people have larger amounts of liquid time. And that's time that can be for any purpose, or just simply wasted. Secondly, this time is in fewer segments than not so wealthy people experience.
I'm not currently wealthy then! My time is a freaking mess! I have chunks of it, but they are little ones, scattered about. Not time enough to dig in and get something cool done. Retro stuff is damn cool, and always makes me happy, but my setup time for it is significant. It takes a bit to get things fired up, my brain in the right mood, etc... As a result of this, I don't do it as often as I want to and that kind of sucks.
The reasons are many. One is my current day job. We are still in semi-startup / growth mode. This is taking it's toll. I suspect that will pass, but I'm not happy with the progress, nor am I happy with the idea that I'm really giving up wealth to help somebody just get more money. Because insurance is mandatory for my wife right now, I'm going to deal there and see how it shakes out. I love what I do, but am teetering on burn out.
Money... Spend a ton of time managing money because of things that have happened. It's difficult for me to do things electronically, and that means lots of time spent dealing with simple money matters. Of all the things, I really, really hate that.
Despite the issues, I managed to score a decent house. It has space, is in a nice neighborhood, etc... Problem is I really can't enjoy the thing. Living on one income essentially sucks. Also, I really don't want to HAVE to live on two. My wife is going through some nasty stuff and looks to eventually get through it. Why go through that only to just slave away again? We've missed out on a lot of time.
So, I'm gonna move, scale down, live small and build my wealth (in terms of time). That means moving out of the city, enduring a longer commute (that isn't bad time though --lots of thinking and listening to things can happen), and have less space.
The flip side is the money issues are going to go away. With that comes electronic management of things, far fewer monthly dependancies and some leverage professionally as I can set limits with little fear of really getting into trouble. Not having to have the money means focusing on where my real value adds are, not having to always invest too much for little gains. Growing the thing isn't so much my problem. Happy to be there, good at what I do, lots of great relationships --in short I'm valuable, so no worries there. However, I am also not up for too much exploitation and dependency either. That will absolutely change. Right now, I'm obligated to do the heroics thing because not doing so means others get harmed --and they know I'm right on the edge.
Fix that, and it's heroics when the value add is there and I always feel good about that. Likely to be a more healthy scene.
My wife can play poker like no other. She has been teaching me and I really enjoy the game. We can only play online, or for small stakes once in a while for time and money reasons. Moving out means a proximity advantage and a financial advantage. Poker is not one of those things that is healthy to engage in when dollars are tight. The pressure ends up ruining the game and that also taints the reward. Ideally, one plays, builds their bankroll, and then leverages that to play the really good games and get the really good rewards, keeping risk to a safe minimum. The way it is now, when we do come out up, it gets consumed just living life. Not cool.
For me, there is that good time spent with my wife, and there is the retro scene just calling there. I need some build some better skills so I can realize the better projects. The why is just passion really. I just love this retro era and Atari / Propeller stuff is right there in the sweet spot. Doing that works the same way the cards do. I've noted the same pressure dynamics tainting the hobby and that's just got me at full stop at the moment. Also not cool.
Anyway, that's it for now. Going to go dig in, endure a coupla months of moving life sorting hell, then come out on the other side a more wealthy person.
We will move out of PDX.
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