Kepone's Blog

I'm guilty of this. When I leave a job or change location, I often will never contact the people that I used to hang out with and talk to. The biggest reason is that I'm lazy; I barely make time to call my own mother most of the time. I have left old friends in every city I've lived in. Often I have tried to keep in touch for a while, but it becomes a task.

 

Sometimes staying in touch is painful. Most of my old friends are still living a life or in a place that I've tried to leave behind and forget. I have nothing against these people - I'd prefer not to relive old bad memories when I don't have to. ie... I hate the town that my parents live in. It is where I was raised and most of my memories are of school, drugs, doctors, abuse, etc. For the last two years of highschool, my doctor had me so doped up, that I only remember things in spurts. When an old friend talks of places or people (that I had forgotten) as if I'd never left, I get queezy. I grew up in a very conservative religious town. Most of the adults carried much disdain for me; they thought I was a troublemaker because I had shaved my hair and gave up on church. A lot of these people still live there. Most of my old friends from highschool have gone on to be pretty zealous in church themselves. It is hard to have a conversation with someone who you don't feel like you can relate with any more. Sometimes when I am trapped in such a conversation, I find that I listen and nod instead of giving too much information myself. To them I am a heathen.

 

Anyways, I'm sure that this response isn't very comforting, but all I would offer is maybe you shouldn't take it personally. It's sad when people move on, but it's all a part of life. On the flipside, there will always be new friends coming in and at least you have the good memories with those old friends to look back on.

 

Keep your chin up! Take some tussin'! I hope that you get feeling better soon!

This is going to sound weird, but I'm mostly upset over a certain friend of mine who recently came out. He doesn't talk to me anymore or act like a friend and it bugs me sometimes. I gave the guy all kinds of support when he needed it as a friend and all of a sudden, he comes out and no longer wants anything to do with me. I told him at first that I respected what he was doing and that he was still my friend. We've been really good friends since high school.

 

I wouldn't make such a big deal about it except that it's the second time it's happened to me. Another good friend of mine who is a girl, came out herself a few years ago and does not maintain contact anymore. I do miss having her around as a friend and we would never work beyond that anyway.

 

Maybe I'm just not used to stuff like this. If they are happy with their lives, that is awesome. I'd never be against that. I just don't understand why people do stuff like this. If I had done something wrong, all they need to do is tell me because sometimes I don't know.

If I had done something wrong, all they need to do is tell me because sometimes I don't know.

 

That is quite a coincidence! Again, try not to take it personally, I doubt that you have done anything wrong.

 

It is a major struggle for so many before they finally decide to "come out of the closet". I've personally spent many sleepless nights worrying about the negative prospects "coming out" would have on my relationship with each of my family members, friends, etc. I suspect that when someone has come to the conclusion that they must "come out" to their family and friends, he/she has also drawn up certain expectations of what their future relationship with each of those members will be. This might lead to some sort of apocalyptic / premeditated acceptance of those failed relationships. It just might be possible that your friends expected quite an opposite reaction from you; it may have been quite a surprise when you reacted so differently.

 

I grew up thinking that somehow I was a freak of nature. I was taught in church and by the community around me that being gay was not natural. Yet, I had these undeniable feelings. I suppressed those feelings and pretended to be someone who I wasn't for a very long time. Once I built up enough motivation to finally break free, leave the lie behind, and finally be myself, I didn't want to look back for nothing! I pushed my old life out to the street like the garbage can on Monday. I didn't intend to hurt anyone in my past... but the me that they knew was a lie. I had to move forward. Since, I've had very little contact with my old friends. Each time felt very weird, almost like stepping onto a stage and re-enacting a scene from some play or skit I was a part of in the first grade. It's a very artificial even superficial feeling.

 

Some newly "outed" gays get intoxicated with the freedom they feel after being closeted for so long; Some will run wild for a time. They will surround themselves with anything queer, gay-friendly, or even remotely flamboyant whether they enjoy it or not. In itself, it's just another lie. It's not unlike the kid who got locked in a candy store and ate all the candy whether he likes it or not... eventually he puked and gave up the bulk for the candy he likes best.

 

I would expect that your friends appreciate your open-mindedness and the unexceptional friendship you have shown for them. Who knows, they may come back around and you might have a stronger friendship for it.

 

BTW, did you take some Tussin?

I think he was surprised that I *DIDN'T* know that he was gay because he thought that I knew and I honestly didn't. I did think that he was bi or something but not gay. Oh well.

 

I just want all my friends to be happy, even if it means they must exclude me from their new lives. It's really unfortunate because I wouldn't have acted any different than I did before he came out.

I just want all my friends to be happy, even if it means they must exclude me from their new lives. It's really unfortunate because I wouldn't have acted any different than I did before he came out.

 

It's very unfortunate... I'm just trying to help you see other possibilities.

 

There is also the possibility that your friends have found a steady girlfriend or boyfriend who they are spending most of their time with. Gay or straight, if someone has found someone that they love, are dating, or at least they think that they are interested in getting to know a bit more, you can pretty much bet that they are going to put their friends on the back burner for a while.

 

I have a good friend who I have hung out with for years. Although I still try to find a couple of hours on Fridays or Saturdays to go to lunch or something with him, he cannot understand why I won't go to dinner with him or hang out till all hours of the night like I used to.

 

I'm in a committed relationship. I spend as much time with my husband as is humanly possible. I feel really weird about running off at all if I can be spending time with the one and only person I love. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think so.

That makes sense now.

 

I've never been one to have many friends though so I guess that's why it's so baffling.