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DOA: Xtreme Beach Nothingness


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Getting bored of Shenmue after spending 50,000 Yen on capsule toys just to get a glimpse of Dremacasko, and only finding Megdra Brother, Sataro and a thousand binsbein 2, I broke my ‘complete one start one’ rule by popping on DOA: Xtreme Beach Volleyball.The game’s development team, rather famously, featured a single man dedicated to ‘breast dynamics’, and I can only assume another man dedicated to ‘game’. In near an hours worth of play I watched fifteen minutes of FMVs, spent half an hour receiving gifts from Zak (mainly donuts) and spent another ten minutes buying hair bands until, as a reward for all my not-playing, I was treated to a volleyball match.By far the worst thing of all about this game is the soundtrack; it’s like a constant Mardi Gras going off in your face. Whatever executive made the decision to put a Spice Girls soundtrack in to a girl-simulator-for-guys-who-don’t-get-out-much should be first against the wall. Slayer, Metallica and Guns ’n’ Roses would have been closer to the point.Whilst I’ve not been playing games today I’ve been attempting to put up the pull down screen for my projector. This is going to be an absolutely incredible addition to my gamesroom. Pictures to follow, but for now I’m back to the Waku Waku machine.‘Maybe I’ll get another?… This again?’‘FUCKIN BINSBEIN!!!!’

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