NovaXpress

Just look down the 2600 forum, the thread is still quite active. I didn't think this would be funny without reading the Knight Rider posts. Once you check that out this should be a lot funnier. I want to also make sure everyone understands that the jokes about Thomas, Paul, and Andrew were a sarcastic response to that KR thread. The guy behind that game plan was ignoring and doubting the advice of these guys. Hence, when I asked Andrew Davie when he ever programmed graphics for the 2600 I was making a point. The Jahfish joke was meant to say that such a person obviously doesn't know what's really happening in the Atari Underground. Sorry if that joke was bitter for spome of you, I feel for you guys and hope you get your restitution. This is the sort of things I'm wasting my time with while my girlfriend is out of town. It's been fun.

Man, is there anything geekier than a flame war on an Atari board? I'm embarassed now. Okay, to the others who are viewing this: should I continue to knock apart the licensing problems point-by-point or just let it drop. I can do it if the rest of you find it interesting, but I don't want to do it just to be argumentative.

I'm not missing any point. Every response you just posted is blatantly illogical to anyone who has ever done this sort of business. I won't bother going through these new "angles" again. You remain deluded and ignorant of how business is done. Just forget about Knight Rider and program the damn game.

No, I don't think that I could learn to code the 2600 in less than 30 minutes. It doesn't take very long for one to write a satirical screed. This whole thread is, of course, a comedic response to the Knight Rider thread (and also the result of a weird night and a questionable state of sobriety). I became way more ticked off by that thread and the bone-headed responses I was getting than I had any logical right to be and this wave of invective was my pressure valve. I posted quite a few responses on that thread as well as some small summaries on the reality of licensing. This is the first time I've been able to contribute some real information on this board. I'll never be a programming guru, I just know enough VB and SQL to accomplish what I need to. I'll never be an impressive collector, less than 200 carts and nothing rarer than a 7. I'm just a old gamer who got his first Sears Video Arcade the week that it came out and grew up with the damn thing. The AtariAge site has been a very special place for me, nothing but good nostalgia and even exciting innovations for the system that will forever remain burned into my consciousness. I continued to post my info on that thread despite the escalating flames that occurred. Maybe I should have put the information on a new thread ("Marketing for Beginners") or maybe no one cares about it. Some may just be interested to know the story of why Lord of the Rings received separate film/book licenses. It's all information that I can contibute to this board, I'll never have anything else of value to tell all you so I was glad to offer a little something from an area that I know about. Take it for what you will. I think was just accused of also being the hardwork guy and therefore arguing with myself for some reason. That's some nice detective work there, Lou. I think the Captain Kangaroo screed is pretty funny and many of you apparently agreed, so mission accomplished. I haven't written satire since the notorious Hardline humor newspaper out of Ohio State. I was beaten up and sued over a story I wrote for that paper, so at least I won't be going through that chaos this time. After all this ranting and a 999,999 game of Megamania last night I feel all better. I hope you all do as well.

Man, you guys are a bring down. You're still not taking me seriously! I tell you that this game will happen. My mom says that she believes in me. I'm gonna sell more homebrew carts than all you guys combined!!! OK, I guess I'm convinced that this game is too complex for the 2600. I'm gonna move the project to a system with much higher RAM and color capabilities. I chose the Odyssey 2.

Okay, once more. Again, this post is not meant to hold value for the Troll but for others who might be decieved into thinking that he has a clue. The reason that Lord of the Rings has two different licenses is that when JRR Tolkien himself sold the rights to the movie back in the 60s, he specified that the studio would not control the book. The movie license continued to be renewed until Peter Jackson finally created his masterpiece. Because Tolkien held the original copyright he was able to specify that the movie license would be separate. After much legal wrangling, the courts decided that New Line and Tolkien's estate would be able to license properties separately. OK, got that? After George Lucas recieved merchandising rights for Star Wars in 1977 and 20th Century Fox saw how much money they passed on, everything changed. Now movie studios insist on full merchandising rights. Not even Spielberg gets the rights to his non-Dreamworks movies. Again, after Star Wars all movie studios have insisted on full merchandising rights. If Lord of the Rings was signed today, the studio would insist on full rights. Still with me? Knight Rider is 100% owned and developed by Fox. There is no chance of splitting the license. There is nothing to split, it all belongs to Fox. Does this make any sense? And by the way, did you know all of this information before? You must have because you say you have a full business plan, so you must have studied case histories of licenses right? Oh yes, from your posts I see that you are not only ignorant, but insist on remaining so. Let's go on, yes just try to get another video game company to "pass on" the rights. They don't have the ability to, the studio still controls the license. And why the hell would they? Realize that no one outside of the 2600 community gives a damn about it and that no one cares about us because we're too small in number. Go ahead and ask EA if you can make a Sims 2600. They'll love it. A pipe dream is to sell 1000 cartriges. For a gross profit of about $70000. Fox would spend $70000 just on legal fees to sign a licensing deal, so no profits are possible. Fox doesn't give a damn about 1000 fans, they can sell the same license to Activision and get the same 1000 fans plus 2 million more. The Atari community has no mainstream pormotional value. A fully-licensed Garfield cart was released not long ago. I don't recall any newspaper articles or attention outside of the community. Garfield sold tens of millions of books yet the only ones who bought the cart were the same couple hundred 2600 loyalists. No one else cares. If you don't understand these issues then you are too stupid to play a video game, let alone create one. Okay, there's today's lesson in the reality of licensing. Enterprising programmers may still acquire licenses from small, independent copyright holders. I think Paul Slocum already figured that out. Don't even bother with the Big Seven media companies: Fox, Disney, AOL Warner, Viacom, Bertelsmann, Vivendi Universal and Sony. We gotta find out who holds those Captain Kangaroo rights.

My goal, as the game's creator, is to make millions in the world of classic gaming as well as annoy Atari programmers everywhere. I will do this by taking the cult classic "Captain Kangaroo" and distilling all the elements into a 2K Atari 2600 cartridge. I drew a few pictures on graph paper during study hall and now I'm ready to make it happen. The game will utilize ALL of the controllers for the Atari 2600 as well as the Colecovision keypad cause I tried a Coleco contoller in my Atari and it made Pac Man move so I'm gonna use the keypad as well! Why haven't any of you guys thought of that? You're gonna have to use the paddle for the driving scenes, a joystick for moving the Captain, a trak-ball for dodging ping pong balls, the Coleco keypad for the Dancing Bear, a Kid's Controller for typing out text phrases and a driving controller for moving the hands on the Grandfather Clock. I'll include a custom-made holder for all the controllers created by my little sister who really kicks ass at dioramas. This will make the package worth the $150 price tag. I expect to sell over one million copies with this amazing concept. Some character named Thomas Jentzsch told me he only sold 200 copies of his game but I'm sure that I'll make a much better game as soon as I start learning how to write programs. I have never programmed for the Atari 2600, but I used to program moves into my Nintendo Power Glove, so this can't be much harder. Here is the current design document: (1.) The game will power up with a full-motion full-color video of the TV show intoduction featuring authentic audio. The game will fit into 2K. a.)text phrases (these will appear in Courier Italic font within a thought baloon over the Captain's head) GOOD MORNING CHILDREN WHO'S THERE? OH NO IT'S MR GREENJEANS! 1..2...3... ALWAYS BUY KELLOGG'S CEREAL LET'S SEE THE DANCING BEAR I NEED A DRINK SCREW MR ROGERS GET THAT FREAKIN RABBIT AWAY FROM ME b.)The gameplay is a combination of side-scroller, 3-D platformer, first-person driving, dancing bears, rescuing the princess, all balanced with a fuel gage (for the captain's chainsaw). c.)the levels: SIDE-SCROLLER, (the Captain must dodge ping pong balls while attempting to kill Bun-E-Rabbit with his chainsaw. This screen will feature OVER 400 SPRITES MOVING INDEPENDENTLY WITHOUT FLICKER. What's with all that flicker in Atari games? You current programmers must just be lazy. 3-D PLATFORMER, (this will look similar to Mario 64 with multiple envronments. I got a message from some guy named Paul Slocum who said I can't pull this off, but what would he know about it? The Captain must collect all 24 keys from his chain while being pursued by that creepy Mr.Greenjeans. Did you know that Frank Zappa is his son?) FIRST-PERSON DRIVING, (I know I can't make it look as good as Grand Theft Auto or anything on the 2600, so my goal is to duplicate the effects of Atari's Hard Drivin'. It's made my Atari so it can surely be done on their system, right. Again, 2K) DANCING BEAR LEVEL, (can you make the bear groove ala Dance Dance Revolution? I bet you'll never know.) RESCUING THE PRINCESS, (why the hell not?) (2.) The Goal of the game is to free the children from the fearsome reign of Slim Goodbody. The damn moose and rabbit are being unhelpful as usual, so they must die as well. I guess Slim Goodbody captured a princess or something. (3.) The Captain must not only contend with ping pong balls, pitchforks, and men wearing bodysuits but also manage his domain in the manner of Sim City. He must make sure that his viewers are supplied with plenty of Kellogg's cereal, must tax the advertisers, and occasionally build armies in order to overthrow new network affiliates and thereby expand his influence. This will require a high-res subscreen displaying pie graphs, economic charts, and giant killer Apple Jacks boxes. (4.) While in PING PONG mode, the Captain may use the driving contoller to set the time on the grandfather clock. the cartrige will save the time even when the system is turned off and open up to give you a cookie on your birthday (5.) The bottom third of the 3D PLATFORM screen will display nude pictures of Anna Kournikova. Woo hoo! (6.) Once in DRIVING MODE, the player will see a fully-rendered interior of a Camaro (cause they're bitchin'!) There will be detailed billboards just like in Pole Position advertising my upcoming games, Captain Kangaroo for the 5200 and Atari Cosmos! Your car will have windshield wipers, cruise control, air conditioning and a CD player which will blast a lot of Eminem tracks I'm gonna program in. (7.) My mom is calling me to dinner (8.) Ok, I'm back. The GO POSTAL ICON raises another sub screen featuring a selection of automatic weapons with full text descriptions of caliber and stopping power. (9.)The MAGIC DRAWING BOARD screen will allow polygon-based freeform drawing (like in I Robot which is also by Atari!) and also feature philosohical ponderings on the true nature of Slim Goodbody: (ex.) WHAT A FREAK! ARE THOSE VEGETABLES ORGANIC? COULD THAT COSTUME BE ANY TIGHTER? DO I SEE AN ULCER DRAWN ON THERE? NO, I WILL NOT TASTE YOUR CUCUMBER Once the Magic Drawing Board is full, the player spins the trakball in a precise WNW direction and then plays a bonus round of Pitfall. Man, maybe this won't fit into 2K after all. I'm gonna have to go with 4K. 10.) For the Dancing Bear levels, you'll be able to attach a CD player through a Cuttle Cart and play your own tunes. Wait, that sounds reasonable. Scratch it. 11.) When the Captain finally corners the evil vegetable-pusher, the P.O.V switches into second-person plural view (never seen that before, have ya?) as the Captain enters into some Tekken-style combat! The following controls are used: Joystick left for punches, Trakball right for kicks, keypad 8 to duck, spin the paddle 20 degrees clockwise to adjust the Captain's genitalia, b/w switch to enact the Dreaded Rear Admiral finishing move. 12.) When Slim Goodbody is defeated, it's time for MORE KOURNIKOVA!!!!! 13.) The Kournikova pictures will be pasted into the code with Photoshop so they'll look really good. I got a phone call from some dude named Andrew Davie who said this was idiotic. Yeah, call me when YOU can make graphics on the 2600 buddy. This project is gonna be awesome! I even have partners now. My cousin is a telemarketer and works on computers all day so he's gonna write the kernal. And when I was at the mall I told that dude who cleans sand out of the ashtrays all about it and now he's on board too! We're calling ourselves Piltdown. I'm sure that getting the rights to Captain Kangaroo will be easy. I see another moron calling himself Novasomething who thinks he knows all about making business and licensing deals with major entertainment companies as an independent, just because he's been doing it for the last 11 years. I have it all figured out. I'm going to steal the moose puppet and hold it for ransom until they let me make this game. The Piltdown group is serious about this idea and we've gotten little sleep since, mostly because I just got the Internet last week and now I can look at Kournikova pictures all night. I'll be taking preorders immediately, the price again is $150. I met a cool guy named Jahfish who's gonna manufacture them for me. Sincerely, HARD LESSON

Don't forget the essential elements of an RPG: *The player is the "chosen one" with the sole ability to kill the evil power. Unfortunately he's at level one and armed with a +2 GINSU KNIFE. *The evil lord is surrounded by legions of high level dragons and gargoyes. Unfortunately for him, all he sends after the level one hero are some 2 hit point Garden Gnomes. *A princess is captured, who really cares why? *Unarmed shopkeepers who cannot be robbed. *Townspeople who are apparently incestuous because they all look alike. *The player somehow can't swim, so forget about that chest across the river. *Males have high strength, women have high constitution. The Chyna gender selection has both. *Some big monster who kills the player right off, creating the need to wander the desert for 40 minutes killing Snot Demons in order to rise one level and gain a hit point. *Plenty of pointlessly annoying teleportation disks. *Wenches, wenches, and more wenches. Wow, in all seriousness this is one hell of a project. The envelope keeps getting pushed. Things on the Classic Atari front seem to be very stirred up lately. I'm having a weird night with a weird sense of humor going, thinking of why I haven't played RPGs in a long time and how this will probably be the next one I play. I'm about to post a new thread that's really gonna test some people's sense of humor. I hope it's still funny later, be prepared.

Thanks for sharing this information Andrew. So often in all forms of art, those with knowledge try to keep it hidden from others because they are afriad of competition. To offer your time and wisdom like this is admirable in every way and shows that you are in this for the creativity, not for the (not-worth-mentioning) profits. Guys like you and others who posted above are the reason that the 2600 remains the most active classic console.

I belive in this idea now! Didn't you all see that he's now getting help from a print shop employee? That's exactly what every 2600 programming project requires, help from the Kinko's guy! A Newbie programmer's forum or document or whatever would be a nice idea. It would scare off almost anyone who thinks of taking on such a project. Those who still want to go forward would be worthy of help.

Nice looking out Paul! I figured that it had to be in the works. By the way, when you have an announcement I take it seriously. Can't wait for the RPG. Hey Paul, why don't you get the Conan license for it! Yeah that'll work out as well as the Knight Rider project!

Even if the actual Hulk proto isn't out there, I guarantee that someone will try to play a hoax. They'll have trouble topping the Turbo prank.

As someone who has ACTUALLY done business with entertainment companies over issues such as licensing, I know whereof I speak. I say the following not for the Knight Rider Troll who continues to be completely full of shit ("warm to Basic" my ass-have fun writing the kernel), but for any others out there who might honestly want to license a pop culture product. KNOW THE PRODUCT AND THE COMPANY'S EXPECTATIONS Knight Rider, like Galactica and A-Team and other 80s shows are a very hot product right now. Nostalgia is big and any one of these shows may become a viable commerical product once again. Fox almost certainly has a ressurected Knight Rider already on the drawing boards. If such project moves forward they will certainly want to license a game to a REAL manufacturer on moneymaking systems such as the PS2. Such a deal would demand exclusivity for video game consoles. Even a small scale 2600 run could ruin the chances of Fox to sell the property for millions. Licensers pay for exclusivity. Activision won't pay as much for a Knight Rider game when someone else is already floating cartriges around. REALIZE THAT THE MEDIA COMPANY DOESN'T NEED YOU Every single day the creators of pop culture hits receive countless suggestions for products and offers from people with no experience whatsoever. These offers are destroyed without being read. They only want to hear from proven companies with a track record of profitability. The company wants only two things out of a licensing deal: to make money and to promote the product in order to make more money. A 2600 game would provide neither. Those in the 2600 community who are in a position to know have stated that any sales over 200 or so is a pipe dream. So the profits for a studio would be non-existent. The promotional value would be negligible, they want to reach hundreds of thousands at minimum, not a few hundred on the AtariAge board. LICENSING COSTS MONEY For the studio! Fox won't touch a licensing deal until they've paid tens (up to hundreds) of thousands in legal fees for their attorneys to scan the deal. If your offer isn't promising enough profit to even cover said fees, the studio would be stupid to even bother. The studios may often be dumb artistic-wise, but never on issues of business. The bottom line: if you want to make games for defuct systems then forget the licensing and just make a good game. I really don't think that THRUST would have sold any better if it had been called "Battlestar Galactica."

Come on guys . . . THIS IS A TROLL LET'S STOP WASTING OUR TIME. It's a ridiculous project that would never get a license even if the game was produced. Suddenly it's now "we" not "I" who is working on the game. The story keeps changing. It all reminds me of the Airwold hoax of a few months ago. This is all the work of a troll who wants to see how long he can keep the thread going. Now Paul Slocum's RPG for the 2600, that's intriguing. That's a real project by a proven programmer. Let's all take a look at that thread now.

I have no use for Knight Rider either, I thought it was lowbrow and lame. I did watch Battlestar Galactica though, so there's no accounting for taste.

Now that Thomas Jentzsch, if he announced a Knight Rider game we'd all be believing it. Thrust is absolutely mind-blowing, one of the best 2600 games period. Does anyone really think this is a reasonable project for someone who's never programmed for the 2600?

I can't wait for the real 2600 gurus to take a look at that document, but really why bother to go on with this? Two possibilities: the guy has no concept of the 2600 whatsoever (just as he has no concept of the entertainment business and licensing) or it's another overly-dedicated troll (Airworld anyone???). Wake me up when a proven 2600 programmer has something to announce.

Gamers, a local console game shop which I hate, is selling an assortment of classics at suspicious prices. Space Invaders for $700. Other games such as PacMan cocktail and a damaged Raiden were similarly priced. I'm not an arcade collector, but this seems a lot higher than other offers I've seen. Several years ago an arcade in North Platte was seling Empire Strikes Back and Qbert's Qubes for $200 each, probably would have been worth it. Gamers has a large selection, but is known around here for ripoffs and obnoxious, ignorant employees. They have a lot of 3DO and some old school games, but nothing that anyone would likely need. Some damaged Intellivision boxes and a few loose commons with an emphasis on Mattel.

What we've proven here is that no one is going to get excited over a programmer who intends to try a 2600 game. Too many have had to give up when the reality of the task finally hit them. If someone like Thomas or Andrew had made the same announcement, everyone would wet themselves with excitement because we know that they can deliver. So good luck on the project, but don't even waste time thinking about liscensing (NO CHANCE IN HELL) and selling the game until you actually make one.

No individual Sears store would have chosen to shrinkwrap. Back in the 70s and early 80s when Sears was unquestionably the #1 retailer in America, they had serious standards on how everything in the store was handled. One store was just like another, there were many many rules to insure of that. Why would a store choose to shrinkwrap even if they had the option? In order to waste the time of their employees? The carts were kept in glass cases so theft wasn't a worry. The clerks pulled the carts out of the shopment boxes, stuck them on the shelf, and went on to the next task. I never had the Super Video Arcade, so I don't know if Mattel chose to shrinkwrap them. For those who don't know the history, at the time Sears had a policy of selling only Sears-branded products. Any company wanting to sell their products had to take their name off of it. So the televisions were made by RCA, vaccums by Hoover, and video games by their true manufacturer even though Sears is on the label. I believe all Intellivision games were shrinkwrapped so the Sears editions would likely have been as well since that was Mattel's policy. This policy ended in 82 and Raiders of the Lost Ark was the first Atari-branded cart to be sold art Sears. I promise that any shrinkwrapped Sears cart was not sold that way originally.

My father worked at Sears and due to his discount, 90% of my Atari-made carts are Telegames. It wasn't until 1980 that I bought anywhere other than Sears. Sears Video Arcade titles were NEVER shrinkwrapped. I wouldn't be surprised if some collectors wraped their old boxes in order to pass them off as new, but I never once saw a shrinkwrapped game back in the day. I had the Atari as soon as Sears began selling them, even the gatefolds were unwrapped. At the time, you could ask the clerk to take any game out of the box for playtesting. Never shrinkwrapped. Absolutely not.

That's some nice analysis from Drac, I'm in total agreement. Most people don't remember how bad the video game crash of 83-84 really was. Picture not seeing ANY video games on the shelves at toy stores. The market had been flooded with garbage and retailers simply did not want to hear about video games. The retailers needed that couple of years off before they would talk to a company such as Nintendo or Atari again. Everyone should know the story of Nintendo's R.O.B, that it only existed in order to trick retailers into thinking the NES was a conventional toy (the hot toy at the time was the Teddy ruxpin animated doll). Atari almost certainly couldn't have released the 7800 in 84 even if they wanted to. The market was DEAD. Look at the great games released dyuring the crash for the 5200 and Colecovision. Nobody cared. No one would have cared about the 7800 library as well. Nintendo waited a couple years for the market to refresh, then launched with the best pack-in of all time. SMB was a true system-seller and not a single 7800 title comes close.

I still have all the old Gold Key Battle of the Planets comics. They aged pretty well too. This show was HUGE at my elementary school. I remember arguments over who played Jason. This show was probably my first exposure to anime.

This game drove me crazy back in the day. That damn Babel Fish!!!! I loved the old Infocom adventures. I found this one to be one of the hardest of all. Planetfall was as simple as Pong by comparison. I have to appreciate the willingness to provide a classic and currently unprofitable game for free simple for the amusement of fans.

We didn't see that script onscreen did we? If you only saw the movie, you never heard "Ewok"