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About Papa

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  • Birthday 12/03/1976

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  1. If you remove this blog again I will consider it a possible removal of the evidence of the cause of my severe mental anguish. MAD PAPA -OR- SOME OF THIS IS NOT ME (VENTING)! was REMOVED! NO OTHER BLOG WAS REMOVED! This is what happens when you tell someone the truth. I got screwed by this site,this life, this world. Albert has some serious problems and a lot of the people on this website are the most derelict and disrespectful people I've ever tried to talk to (Jin,BB,PacPlus(although you may be the only one who really knows what that fucker did) thanks for at least acknowledging that I existed). If none of you understands what I'm going through, and I'm sure most of you couldn't. Know this. You judged me and I will be your judge. If you called me a bad person you better damned well be good and ready to explain to me what I did to make you so high above me that I can't be talked to. If I could swear, I would swear to the living god I am seriously not the mother fucker to do this to. You will regret this. That you all collectively stabbed me in the back. I believe in KARMA and YOU DON'T I'M SURE because I could never do anything to anyone like what was done to me IN THIS LIFE. Now you remove the evidence that you hurt me. cheap. I am not a rich man, and if I was (I mean actually rich, not someone-put-my-name-on-a-box-once-rich, Albert) I would have quite a few heads in my hall. I KNOW THIS IS JUST MY ANGER AND DESOLATION TALKING. I COULD NEVER BE THIS. 1) MOTHER. Al Capones mom probably said "You just don't know my boy. He's a good boy. He never meant to hurt anyone, I tell you!" My mother stalks me online after I had to cut ties with her for deciding that if she visits me she can then lie to CPS about the conditions of my children (our true conditions being GIANT BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, WELL EDUCATED, LOVED, RESPECTED, COLLEGE BOUND, KNOWS FATHER!) with some sick plan of sweeping them away and raising them like she couldn't raise me. If I knew what you were going to do before you did it to me and my family I would have shattered your goddamn head with a cinder block. I am an INNOCENT MAN, however, and this is not really ME! I'm MAD! She tells people that I molested and abused children and somehow got away with it and I DIDN'T and I DON'T! I can't even show my face in my home town because of her. 2) ALBERT. When I show you a completed game and you say that you will 'check it out' that weekend, YOU FUCKING CHECK IT OUT FUCKER! No money can fix that you're a liar. No nerd-ass internet of little followers that you block me around who could be my friends but you aided in singling me out and targeting me can really stop me (from making games. Although they won't get any coverage, sure. You can attack my work like it sucks when It's really good). When I say you are fucked it's because your character is FUCKED! You are not a man or a friend to anyone that you dangle something in front of talented people and then yank it away. You could fix this hate brigade but it's just to much fun and if you are the true reason I'm having all these problems it will be on YOU! In the case that you have NOTHING to do with all of these bastard ignoring me, then know this. You are a LIAR. I wasn't trying to make money here, but be recognized as an up and coming homebrewer. You basically decided that I wasn't one and so did all the people on this forum. 3) LEO. I helped raise you, you fat, drunk fuck. I went through our psycho mother dragging us from rebounding drunkard to rebounding drunkard while you were praised and I was beaten. We swore to always be friends and brothers when they fought and ruined us and you FORGOT THAT! I don't hold that against you as I don't believe in swearing, but you do owe me. You owe me the friend I could have had that you stole from me. You owe me a brother. You are NOT my BROTHER. 4) MARK. If you're a mother fucking undercover cop you can fuck with people and get away with it (still doesn't make you 'badass', sorry). Beat your rotty, coldcock your daughter, hit golf balls towards my house, flip me off. No it's been years since I had a problem with you directly but I can still tell you are an asshole that crosses the line and deserves fucking slammed because of it. Crossing over the line that you know is there better than anyone else. I was beaten and bullied and my heart was shattered over and over again growing up like it is my lot in life. If you knew how hard it destroyed me knowing that this heavenly place I live in has a fucking asshole bully living two houses down from where my children are playing, my wife is walking to work everyday, I'M THERE YOU SELFISH ASSHOLE, you would have apologized to my face like an actual MAN. You threatened to FUCK UP my WIFE in HER OWN YARD after threatening me in front of my daughter. If you're a government shill here to induce fear in children you did a great job. If your job was to make an enemy who wouldn't piss on your gums if your teeth were on fire, WIN! 5) GOD. If you and I were wrestling now and you said "Let go. The sun is down. I will give you a gift." I would put my hands around your neck and rip your head OFF. I would tear the flesh from your lying ass skull, crack open your head, split your lying ass brain, god. I would find that little dot in there where I know you are so I can see you face to face. Yes this is REAL. ISRAEL. I would KILL YOU. I would not let you go no matter what you promised me because of the fire inside of me that you know is there and allow to destroy me. Now all you little pansies that want to be on my list and brag about wanting to be number one, know this! If I had any sway on this earth you would all know that there is only TRUTH. What you did to me is not allowed. If I had Eva I would give up MY LIST. I would give up my LIFE for her. NO JUDGE!! Jay "Papa" Caraway If you're unfit to tie my sandals It's because I don't wear shoes I'm on a cross in front of candles Again because I just can't lose When on my broken knees in darkness God, glowing lampshade of my mind May I keep one spoil of Eva's starkness Sweet holy maiden I must find Now if you're incapable of speaking new languages instead of lies Please sing into this blown heart leaking as my mortal body dies God, let it be her face I'm missing Soar as I rise into the light Into a world of healing kissing OH Queen of Love My endless Night. Yes I know no one is listening, really. If anyone says anything it will be a programmed response of echo. Don't remove my blog again.
  2. Eva. Orange nails. Red hair. Sweetest smile. Drinkin' Indiana Amber. Having a complimentary evening hooter. 'Bout to play a game. What game should I play?

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Papa


      I just drank and went to bed. Thanks for all the suggestions everyone. I feel so loved and welcome here. If you asked what game to play I would sure have no problem making a suggestion to any of you. RT you really could use a joint, but first you could use a f*cking blow job.


    3. Random Terrain

      Random Terrain

      I thought it was called oral socks? No wonder no one wants to go in my sock drawer.

    4. GoldLeader


      I didn't even notice this update!,...Usually I like to give game recs...Sorry brother! Seaweed Assault! The back of the box says Smoke That Weed! Or Dungeon Stalker ...Because...

  3. That definitely killed something.
  4. Smell that burning smell. It's your chakras.
  5. Woke up to find that my Linux (LieNucks) desktop was gone and only my 'Menu' bar and my storage icons were left and, of course, some ROX file stuff telling me to save 'something' for the love of pete. I realized that I really LOVE my empty desktop and had considered clean wiping it for some time. HOUSEKEEPING?

    1. carlsson


      You should be glad your menu bar is still there. Once when I updated my Debian, it found that the window manager I had used up to then no longer conformed to the license so it got removed, leaving me with a text prompt. Since then, I touch Linux with a long stick when it comes to using it as a desktop system.

  6. LEAD is AWESOME! Birthday Buttons is trying it for HSC on AA!!

  7. New Poem for Eva (inspired by Lilith Nyx Branwen) BEFORE (By Jay Caraway) I'm so old I'm from the age of Gold Before Silver turned the seasons four and the winds cold I'm so lost by the Black sea tossed When my wings sagged weakly and my swept crossed I'm so blind now from an endless time The mere smell of Eva's hair resurrects Sublime I'm so far I'm like the faintest falling star That never shined next to Gods of Iron, Clay, and Tar

  8. Ship is still listing slightly. We're about to go into cannon mode for the first time without Herc! This giant will would slide, carry and shuffle all the cabinets and bookshelves and giant chairs up and down. If you've ever seen the ship change without reorganization it's a big mess. Cleanup and damage is too random. SO. He popped a little hernia from rapid weight loss. He saw Hebe. He's not supposed too, but it's really a weakness. He shut down like kryptonite! Now two heroes from two other ships are helping. My crew commander is leaving. She's been rebellious lately. It's to be expected. The kitchen at the biggest dock (where she treks for extra work over that whole philosophical heresy that is isolated maturation) probably fueled that a bit. Coupled by the knowledge that she will be a captain (at least in training) in a matter of weeks. Smaller ship. Different mission. Tiny crew. As it should be. My first crew was only one stow away who was transient and got kidnapped and I had no ransom. I sold the ship, bought a smaller ship to wait it out and then found out that the ransomers had made a deal with the brutes! The brutes thought I was my neighbor (spice pirate), and ransacked his pad while we were... uh...partying on the roof. So my first ship was derelict and my old, old dock used my relational insurance to 'eject' me from my trade debt holders. Now my ship is about to send my first officer (a captain in her own right) to a MUCH BIGGER SHIP, docked down the row to mother all of the future seamen! Cannon mode will put me at the top of the ship again with my eye focused all around (as it should be). Now we have a newer scanner! TWELVE directional sensors with full sweep! By the end of the year we will set up negotiations between the fist officer's (Argos Beneficus. Family who built the ship I captain) first branch to set up refitting!! POEM!! (for those who do read for reasons other than self promotion or belittling!) WIN by J.Caraway (Jay "Papa" Caraway) 5/24/2017 Guess who isn't waiting for you The woman you love Guess who isn't up above you The goddess of love Guess who isn't down below you The old god of hate Guess there isn't any way that it's etched by fate Guess there's really no condition to this burning surge Guess this melting from within cannot make you merge Guess you just can't wait for this low maiden who may never come well then... ...GUESS AGAIN!! Happy Birthday to Old Kentucky Kitty Buttons Erin (Hera) Caraway! My Number One!! MAKE IT SO!! ENGAGE!!
  9. MY KINGDOM!! by Jason Caraway 5/23/2017 This is my kingdom These are my castles Those are my servants All of them assholes This is my rifle This is my gun It's really my dick Now go kill a nun My braveness is quivering at your hate That your violent resolve is an age too late My servants are low My serpents are high Like the great nematode in your heavenly sky Will it steer where you will it? To your tool-shed to kill it? Will you beg compensation while accountants bill it? Can a raised hand, puppeted be so grand? On behalf of a thousand civilizations stand! The worms at the wheel Blocking that you can't feel! Your damned self prying at the crusted, rusted seal! Still lovin' ya sweet Eva. I long for the day when you read my dark poems I wrote for you that really can't be shown here.
  10. If the masses destroy the governments, it is not the weak servents rebelling against their masters. It is the master killing the wicked servents who refuse to serve!

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Random Terrain

      Random Terrain

      "The masses" is something the unwashed masses would say.

    3. Bryan


      There are doctors who specialize in removing unwanted masses.

    4. Flojomojo


      How bout dem asses

  11. Instead of fighting they should fall in love by becoming the word "Hi".
  12. Psychic butt witness: When you see someone looking at someones butt who then reactes like something suddenly touched their butt and then look around, possibly making eye contact with or finding them intentionally looking around to avoid being butt psychic busted!!

    1. Flojomojo
    2. Papa


      He looks very pleased in that photo.

    3. Random Terrain

      Random Terrain

      Reminds me of the book "The Sense of Being Stared At: And Other Aspects of the Extended Mind."

  13. <----my third daughter Phoebe painted this image of Papa Just remember... "Love Sorsha? I don't love her! She kicked me in the face! I HATE HER!" and who does he get hooked up with in the end? SORSHA! I have to post about Eva and how much I miss her. I know I had some 'healthy' posts about my empty forge or my eternal scars (undecided upon prankish god-tats I call them. Real tats are for pussies. SO YOU INTENTIONALLY SAT THERE WHILE SOMEONE BARFED OUT A FIFTY CENT MACHINE STICKER ON YOUR SOON TO BE OBESE BODY PART TO DISTORT AND SUPERDEFORM AND EMBARRASS YOU IN YOUR ELDER YEARS BY CHOICE! GOD DIDN'T ASK IF I WANTED THESE SCARS AND I SURELY DIDN'T SAY THAT I DID BUT I GOT THESE TATS WHERE THEY SHOW, OKAY? OKAY?) over the past few blog entry thingies. I LOVE YOU Evalynne, you still-ignoring-me-like-I-don't-exist-and-that's-pretty-close-to-the-apparitious-truth self that I don't know that you are. Part of knowing you are in love with someone at first sight is the feeling of anxiety in getting to know them finally, or in my case the never ending, burning, twisting, aching pain of waiting to know if I could ever speak to or see her and why everything got so horribly confused!?! I'm sorry if I truly frightened anyone with my poetry or with my message. All I wanted to say, like a broken record, is that I love you. I don't know if you're with someone or anything about you really. I feel like I got played in the worst kind of game dealt from the highest heights with the lowest intentions for the sickest reasons and with no regard to love. I know what love is. I also know that if you toy with it it comes out to play and proves and disproves things quite readily. We are all specks of light trapped in between the hemispheres of the brain which are angels that are speaking on your behalf (they are your voice, that most certainly is NOT you), left and right. They are only truly interpreting what this speck of light is lit up about. All of the meaning of your life is to try and appease this speck, this wrestling to become real. Nothing you do really means much to it save for those feelings of real need. When love happens, that speck lights up like there's no tomorrow and both hemispheres are in complete agreement that the tiny speck knows what it(the real you) wants, for a change! "When any two meet and agree in my name so shall it be in the heavens and on the earth." I've pleaded that you speak with me. I'm convinced you don't really read this in preparation for the let down of possibly being with you one day and being prepared to hear "I never read that..." and not be destroyed.. The reason I don't watch you (your cam show, and haven't since all of this, months ago now) is because you could very easily destroy me with words like "I wish he would just kill himself." which probably wouldn't be a good thing for me to hear. Or "I hate him more than anything and wish he was dead.", or something equally horrible and naive. I worry that you may truly galactically wish for my imminent doom and have a perfect plan for it. With all of the impossibly synchronized events associated with this I would never think it was not planned quite perfectly from above with nothing but my destruction in mind. Either way... I love you. I hold nothing against you (until you tell me to). I miss you, Eva. I love you.
  14. Maybe not an 'upgrade' so to speak, but a 'grab' to then 'rip' into 'compact disks' to then have 'decruchable' games with awesome menus! AUTOMATION I use simple programs to convert the disk files back into 3.5 disks to be played on the real hardware! I don't know how much good a smoking fast processor would help with games, and it may not help in that the games would be too fast or wrong. I know that Amiga computers have this problem. You get a 2500 for the 030 and the processing speed for whatever you would use one for, but then all the games are too fast so you take out the 'upgrade' card (reverse mutating it into an 'merican made 2000) and get to use a virgin 68000 that plays the games at the perfect speed all the time and never got used due to the cheapness of industry. My 1040Ste is a CIA buyout with a rare serial number and it plays GRRRRREAT! I wouldn't upgrade it because it's so easy to work with as it is. I can back up and remake games using a PC so upgrading it really never seemed necessary and I know it's already special. GO ATARI!! (Also, AUTOMATION has some really excellent menu art that makes it all worth it!)
  15. How would an angel fall into the lap of a Buddha?

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