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Status Updates posted by Ransom
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Why does Twitter seem to attract the worst of humanity, more so than other social venues?
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I watched the eclipse and now I can't see anything!
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How did all you people get inside my computer?
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We've done the research and unfortunately I have some bad news: there's only one way to rock. I surveyed literally every red rocker out there, and that was the answer.
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You're dying. You probably have no more than several decades left.
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You are strange and off-putting.
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My only regret is that I never got to see the softer side of Sears.
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Wait...where'd the chat system go?
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Still waiting for the Particle Man superhero movie.
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One of my least favorite things to hear from lunch companions: "Are you gonna eat that?"
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[Napoleon has snuck tator tots out of the lunch room and is eating them during class out of his pants pocket]
Randy: Napoleon, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon Dynamite: No, go find your own.
Randy: Come on, give me some of your tots.
Napoleon Dynamite: No, I'm freakin' starving! I didn't get to eat *anything* today.
Randy: [Kicks the pocket with the tots, crushing them]
Napoleon Dynamite: Ugh! Gross! Freakin' idiot!
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I'm downloading an ISO from Dell's support site. It hasn't topped modem speeds all morning. Says it'll be finished in 2 days!
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How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
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You'll need one of these: http://thumbs.ebaystatic.com/images/g/aocAAOSw4DJYlVWS/s-l225.jpg
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Love, exciting and new.
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5" of rain last night...and we didn't get the worst of it!
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If you listen to fools...
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Why do so many blondes die their roots brown?
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Probably because blonde hair and caucasian skin are very close in overall tonal value. By darkening their roots, it helps to increase contrast and "frame" their face better. Otherwise, to get their facial features to stand out, they would have to put on more makeup (heavier eye shadow, brighter lipstick, etc).
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Resolve Stain Remover: Now reformulated to remove all four humors!
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Remember when you could buy Meatloaf, Bread, and Cream at the record store?
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Click here for one simple trick you can use to avoid clickbait!
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Icy dead people.