Brushing up on my humor skills...

[Segataritensoftii]

Some of you might have seen my recent topic about the Nintendo OMG (Please don't post there. It's a little too embarrassing for me to have it on the front page.). I've been trying to brush up on my humor skills. See if you like my article on the Sega N.EVER better. I still use huge numbers, but I've tried to refrain.

 

The Sega N.EVER (Not.EVER), formally codenamed Perpetuality, is an in development game system by Sega.

 

The system was conceptualized shortly after the release of Sonic And The Secret Rings. It is to be a very advanced system with negative 3 dimensional graphics capabilities, motion sensing capabilities, holographic disc support, and a VR feature with simulated smell and touch(at this moment, this feature is far from complete. The current system is a chair with angry bees and sandpaper in the pockets for touch, and a rose and moldy cheese for smell.). The system is to be backwards compatible with games from all previous Sega systems, using a revolutionary new ZISC chip design that can mimic the behavior of different systems.

 

On June 4, 2007, Sega unveiled it's new system, then codenamed Longevity, to the public. Although the system was far from complete, the entire contents being a cardboard box with the word SEGA on it, people were cheering. In fact, the cheering was so immense that the entire building the event was going on in collapsed. The release date was slated for sometime in 1877, to compete with the light bulb and later, the phonograph. Unfortunately, the only time machine that had been invented before that had been wiped out by a catastrophic flood, and the next one wouldn't be invented for another ten million years. An executive at Sega soon found the person who thought of this ludicrous scheme, and fired him on the spot for being too naive. In early 2008, Sega revealed further specs. It was to have "Basic" and "uber" versions. The basic version would have 32,000 2 bit processors, be the size of a small room, use 12,000 watts, and have less of the backwards compatibility. The uber version would be the size of your fingernail, have all the features, and use 0.1 watts. Prices were -$1 for the basic version, and $599 for the uber version. However, Sega was having problems implanting the technology, and the release date had to be pushed back. The release date was being pushed so far back that employees changed the codename to Perpetuality and later made the official name N.EVER, jokingly referring to how long the project was taking. As the release date continues to be pushed back through the eons, people are speculating what the system will be like. So far, a concrete release date has not been provided, and it is uncertain wether the system will be released.

 

Edit: oops, didn't know this was in classic gaming general. This should be in General Chat.

Edited June 13, 2007 by Segataritensoftii

[candiru]

Don't stop brushing just yet!

[Gabriel]

On June 4, 2007, Sega unveiled it's new system, then codenamed Longevity, to the public. Although the system was far from complete, the entire contents being a cardboard box with the word SEGA on it, people were cheering.

 

Sounds plausible.

[A Sprite]

The system is to be backwards compatible with games from all previous Sega systems, using a revolutionary new ZISC chip design that can mimic the behavior of different systems.

 

Is it true the chip requires 21 different AC adapters and it's own set of A/V cables?

 

What are they hiding underneath all that duct tape?

[+Random Terrain]

Seems to be a growing number of people using these () without a space before them.

 

Bad:

I like to eat live chickens(unplucked and unwashed).

 

Better:

I like to eat live chickens (unplucked and unwashed).

 

 

I have been seeing this more often at various message boards and it makes me wonder what is going on. Did a secret government agency put something in the water?

[Scumdogg]

As i've said before, ridiculous numbers do more to hurt comedy than to help it. They're just distracting. Negative eight million dollars? What does that even mean?

 

Also, adding an "Okay, how did i do?" is like a talk show host carrying their own snare drum and hi-hat to cap off every joke.

Edited June 13, 2007 by Scumdogg

[Segataritensoftii]

Also, adding an "Okay, how did i do?" is like a talk show host carrying their own snare drum and hi-hat to cap off every joke.

Sorry about that. I just felt my post would seem incomplete without it. I'll try not to do it again.

[Gabriel]

Seems to be a growing number of people using these () without a space before them.

 

Bad:

I like to eat live chickens(unplucked and unwashed).

 

Better:

I like to eat live chickens (unplucked and unwashed).

 

 

I have been seeing this more often at various message boards and it makes me wonder what is going on. Did a secret government agency put something in the water?

 

I'm more concerned with the constant misspelling "redeculous". Scumdogg is the first poster I've seen who has spelled the word correctly in a very long time.

 

Not that it has anything to do with the thread, or that I'm a perfect speller. It's just a pet peeve, and Scumdogg's post reminded me of it.

[SINGLE TOOTH]

Actually, The Sega N.EVER never got out of the prototype phase. The C.E.O of Sega of Ukraine was replaced by Humpy Blowgart who canceled all system production with an iron piss. He engorged all of the hardware up in his ass, then sharted out what would soon be known as the Sega Sharticus.

 

After he warped into the future, he went back to 1885 and invented the Dolerian. Then he shoved a pistol up his ass and pulled the trigger with his penis, which effectively blew them both off.

 

His penis landed into the first production box of the Sega Sharticus, which the president ordered. Then he died.

[AtariJr]

i think its funny that everywhere segatariwhateverthefuck goes single tooth is there to reply lol. do you know him or something? anywho, segaetc, are you a stand up comic? or are trying to get into the business? i just dont understand your posts.. or the meaning of them, and quite honestly theyre bad. these sound like things i would hear in middle school when people try to talk about companies/systems they hate/like as a vein effort to be popular. how old are you?

Edited June 21, 2007 by AtariJr

[A Sprite]

Actually, The Sega N.EVER never got out of the prototype phase. The C.E.O of Sega of Ukraine was replaced by Humpy Blowgart who canceled all system production with an iron piss.

 

Toilet humor. Check.

 

Bad pun. Check.

 

Wait, there's still something missing...

 

he went back to 1885 and invented the Dolerian

 

Random pop culture reference. I knew it had to be here.

 

Segataritensoftii - you have talent, and imagination, you just need to polish your delivery.

 

Singletooth - no offense guy, but I thought you were trolling when I first read your post...

[ewing92]

The big problem I have with it is alot of it seems to be a little too predictable, like the chair one, telling how bad it was.

 

 

@AtariJr:I checked out that site on the Saturn that you made and just want to give you props, It's a great site, I know I'll be going back there when I eventually buy myself a Saturn.

[SINGLE TOOTH]

i think its funny that everywhere segatariwhateverthefuck goes single tooth is there to reply lol. do you know him or something? anywho, segaetc, are you a stand up comic? or are trying to get into the business? i just dont understand your posts.. or the meaning of them, and quite honestly theyre bad. these sound like things i would hear in middle school when people try to talk about companies/systems they hate/like as a vein effort to be popular. how old are you?

I just like making sure these topics remain in the mainstream...

 

Quick! Somebody bump down this topic before it gets commented on again!

 

Ha, I see you're in these topics quite a bit yourself, atarijr!

 

:rolling: :rolling:

 

 

Oh, and Segatarinintendo....... I would love to see videos of your slapstick comedy you say you're good at! Please post them!

Edited June 21, 2007 by SINGLE TOOTH

[Segataritensoftii]

The system is to be backwards compatible with games from all previous Sega systems, using a revolutionary new ZISC chip design that can mimic the behavior of different systems.

 

Is it true the chip requires 21 different AC adapters and it's own set of A/V cables?

 

What are they hiding underneath all that duct tape?