A classic gaming story; Asteroids 3.0.6.

[TourqeGlare]

Hello.

I wrote a story about an encounter with an Asteroids machine,

and I would like some feedback, if that's alright. I'm working on making a

career out of being a professional author, and some feedback from some

actual gamers would be great.

 

You can see it in two parts.

 

Part 1

Part 2

 

While looking back at it though, I had picked up a vibe that it was giving gamers

as a whole a bad name, when that was not my intention. I tried to clean it up a little, and treat every side fairly,

and I'm hoping that it shows. I'm not saying that people who play games are bad, I'm not Jack Thompson

(God forbid) but I'm saying that the scrubs are a problem.

 

As far as grammar and sentence structure goes, I think it's alright, except that it has a bit

of a case of "semi-colon cancer," which I'll remember to fix when I get back to it later.

 

If this situation and post look familiar, it probably is.

It's been about four years since I posted last, I think.

Back then, I was writing some stories that had some mixed reactions from, probably about six or seven people.

You can see that here, since I'm not going to be a necromancer and bump it.

http://www.atariage.com/forums/index.php?s...c=98826&hl=

At least this new version is far more developed.

 

Thanks for looking, I'll check back often for some feedback since reading the

story will probably take a while (it's about 45 pages long).

[TourqeGlare]

Bump?

[TourqeGlare]

Hopeful bump?