Worst 2600 games - the ones that got everything wrong...

[Aegis]

Hi everyone,

 

I've just been reading a few threads about games you wish you hadn't bought/worst games and came across a few references to 'Airlock' by Data Age.

 

Now this game is special - not only is it a truly terrible game, it also has some of the most blindingly bad artwork I think I've ever seen - if you don't know it I encourage you to check it out here (apologies to those of you that are still traumatized by this 'game').

 

What's with the Tron suit? Why's he holding a glowing piece of string (or wire, or whatever)? What does 'Pressure Time' mean (I really NEED to know)? Why has the sub got windows (presumably so the fish can get some entertainment watching the Tron guy drown?).

 

This is the real deal - so bad it's almost genius - I'd love to know if there's anything else out there that's close to the complete awfulness of Airlock - that immediately eliminates lots of games because there's a lot of good box artwork out there - so who else gets it this wrong? And why?

 

 

*Edit* OK, been doing some browsing and I think I've found a contender - Panda's 'Scuba Diver' - here's the box art.

 

Now there's two versions of this on AtariAge - the Panda one and the Zellers one - Zellers gets eliminated from the worst of the worst (even though the game truly stinks) 'cause of its outright theft of Activision's Seaquest artwork so let's dissect what Panda were doing with their version...

 

At first glance it looks respectable enough but hang on... why's that shark got vampire teeth? Why is its back broken? Why isn't our intrepid hero wearing a scuba tank? (this might explain how quickly you run out of air in the game) and... and... wait a minute! What's that giant cat doing in an underwater cave?? I must admit to liking the Panda logo though - he looks very sad... appropriately so...

Edited June 18, 2009 by Aegis

[GideonsDad]

I've always enjoyed Froggo's 'Sea Hunt'. Sure it's EXTREMELY hard but you can do it. I can make out the shark, stingray, fish, and turtles but it took me forever to figure out the thing at the bottom is a sunken ship to be entered! So I don't think Sea Hunt got EVERYTHING wrong, it's just so hard.

 

I have never played Airlock but I am about too

 

I read the manual, I tried - honest - I almost made a minute effort of it but Airlock is currently the worst 2600 game I have had the displeasure of playing, I am not even sure it's playable

 

GideonsDad

Edited June 18, 2009 by GideonsDad

[Aegis]

I've always enjoyed Froggo's 'Sea Hunt'. Sure it's EXTREMELY hard but you can do it. I can make out the shark, stingray, fish, and turtles but it took me forever to figure out the thing at the bottom is a sunken ship to be entered! So I don't think Sea Hunt got EVERYTHING wrong, it's just so hard.

 

Fair enough! If Sea Hunt/Scuba Diver has a fan then it can't logically be amongst the 'worst of the worst' - I'm looking for games that are not only hateful to play but didn't even try to hide their crimes against gaming with appealing box art or presentation - looks like Scuba Diver just won a reprieve

 

Sooo... can anyone top 'Airlock'??

[Red 5]

I love Airlock and play it all the time. I have defended it before so don't want to get into it again.

The fact that there is a victory screen with nice graphics is impressive for a game of that time period.

 

There are about 300 worst Atari game threads, and before someone screams E.T. again, that is a great game too.

 

There are games that are unplayable like Karate that easily deserve the 'worst game' award.

There are always a few people who like games most don't like.

 

For instance, people have found a way to enjoy Mythicon games which I don't understand at all, however NOBODY can justify liking Karate.

[kroogur]

Unfortunately the old saying applies, "One mans meat is another mans poison." And no matter what someone will like something no matter how bad it is so I think any games listed here are valid because i'm sure enough people will agree with the choices posted for example I actually like Sneak n Peak no matter how dreadful it was I think it was neat concept for the time.

[mcjakeqcool]

THERE IS ONLY 1 CONTESTENT, and that is Basic Math. Sure I like maths, I got a A+ in maths at school, but for a start the Maths is unbareibly Basic, but It is'nt even fun! And to tell you the truth, it aint the best desighned maths game or infact any game in the world either.

[GideonsDad]

Unfortunately the old saying applies, "One mans meat is another mans poison." And no matter what someone will like something no matter how bad it is so I think any games listed here are valid because i'm sure enough people will agree with the choices posted for example I actually like Sneak n Peak no matter how dreadful it was I think it was neat concept for the time.

 

Sneak n' Peek was especially cool with 2 non-cheating players. I wanted like Airlock but I just couldn't hack it, maybe I just suck at it.

 

GideonsDad

Edited June 18, 2009 by GideonsDad

[Aegis]

Neither E.T. nor Sneak 'n Peek would've made the cut for this - both have at least 'adequate' box art (E.T.'s is actually pretty darn good if you try and ignore the fact that Elliot appears to be made out of wax) - I actually quite like the pseudo-honesty of Sneak 'n Peek's screenshot packaging (the 'new improved video graphics' makes me wonder what their previous games looked like though...)

 

Also, you're right - E.T.'s been done to death - it's not a terrible game - just a flawed one and a victim of Atari's contempt for their customers (which is why I think it gets an unfair rap).

 

Karate, awful though it is doesn't get on this list 'cause at least the packaging was OK - even if you never played it, at least it could look pretty (kinda) on your shelf.

 

So - in an attempt to get at least some kind of list together I'm gonna have to discount the protests of individuals (after all, they could be crazy people) so if a game on this list has at least two people sheepishly step forward and say 'y'know... actually I kinda like it' then I'll cross it off. Which does of course mean that Scuba Diver is back in the running (sorry GideonsDad).

 

Sooo - 'Airlock' and 'Scuba Diver' - is there anything equally risible out there?

Edited June 18, 2009 by Aegis

[Crazy Climber]

Anything by Froggo sucks balls

[Aegis]

Anything by Froggo sucks balls

 

Yep, but not enough to make this list. Their games are consistently crap and their packaging is consistently bland - nothing truly awful though. They should have made some better games but at least they comprehended the importance of (relatively) good packaging...

Edited June 18, 2009 by Aegis

[classicgamingguy]

I seriously thought about adding Defender to the list, but the box art is pretty darn good.

 

Sorry...I'm drawing a blank otherwise.

 

-Steve

[Aegis]

I seriously thought about adding Defender to the list, but the box art is pretty darn good.

 

Yup - doubt we'll see any Atari games on this list - even if they released a dud game it was usually slickly packaged

[Red 5]

So then by the some insane scale invented by yourself, Froggo's Karate is better than Airlock because the box, while bland and crappy is not as crappy as the airlock box. Even though Karate is an unplayable abomination of a game and Airlock, while not appealing to a majority, is still playable and entertaining to some.

 

Is the scale equal parts box art / gameplay or is it 3/4 box art 1/4 gameplay or is there a formula you need to have a masters in chemistry with a BS in Math to understand.

 

Even if it was 99% box art and 1% gameplay, and Froggo's Karate had box art designed by Monet, it would still come in last because the game is that bad.

[iratanam]

Only one that tops the list in my mind is Skeet Shoot.

[Foxsolo2000]

Only one that tops the list in my mind is Skeet Shoot.

 

Seconded. I mean seriously this thing won worst game of the year award back in 82 I believe (no doubt someone will correct me on this). The game is god awful and it is sheer luck that you actually manage to hit the thing in the first place. Possibly even worse than Airlock in my opinion although Slot Racers is God damn awful too

[Aegis]

So then by the some insane scale invented by yourself, Froggo's Karate is better than Airlock because the box, while bland and crappy is not as crappy as the airlock box. Even though Karate is an unplayable abomination of a game and Airlock, while not appealing to a majority, is still playable and entertaining to some.

 

therealred5: Don't take it personally - obviously something like this is always going to be subjective - there's no 'facts' to be gained by a thread like this - just a little fun. Personally, I think that highlighting games like Airlock and Scuba Diver for their failings actually elevates them above the countless competent but uninspired clones that litter the 2600's catalogue - if you happen to like a game that other people can't stand then good for you - the purpose of sites like AtariAge and Atarimania is to pay homage to ALL those old games - good or bad and by them cropping up in conversations like this it gives people a chance to try something they may have overlooked and judge it for themselves (as GideonsDad has done).

 

As I mentioned above, what I'm interested in hearing about here is that bad games that do everything bad - bad game, bad artwork, bad manual - y'know - the really shabby stuff - it's fascinating - have some fun with it. Or don't. And since you're commenting, aside from Karate (which is out due to my insane scale) can you think of anything else we can shine the spotlight on?

[Aegis]

iratanam & Foxsolo2000: Damn! That's a bad game! I'm kinda torn on this one - the cover artwork is kinda... OK... in an incredibly dull sort of way... Still - it's called 'Skeet Shoot' and well - they really look more like ducks than skeets to me - I guess the acid test is (unless you're a completist or a connoisseur of video-game tat) 'would you want a box like that on your shelf'... probably not. Plus it has some great vintage marketing BS on the back - I particularly like the fact that Skeet Shoot is guaranteed to be 'free from defects of workmanship' - wonder if anyone ever tried to get a refund?

 

Let's put it on the list

 

So for now we have:

 

Airlock

Scuba Diver

Skeet Shoot

 

Oh, and regarding Slot Racers - nah - can't do it - again, Atari tended to have pretty slick packaging to gloss over their programming disasters - explosions, mysterious faces, futuristic 70's cars - what's not to like?

Edited June 18, 2009 by Aegis

[+save2600]

Porky's anyone?

[mika]

Porky's anyone?

 

sorry, but he was asking about the worst games, not the BEST games.

[GideonsDad]

Kind of off topic but here is a screenshot of the the ship level w/ sea monster (crab man) and treasures included

 

GideonsDad

Edited June 18, 2009 by GideonsDad

[Aegis]

Porky's anyone?

 

Nah, they tried with Porky's - the box is well... sleazy but OK and the game tries to be a game whilst attempting to titillate at the same time - it ain't great but it's not in the same league as the ones in the current hall of shame - at least it knows what it is: 'more fun than a greased pig'. Just.

 

GideonsDad: Nice! Al should add that to the screenshots for Scuba Diver just so that those with less dedication than you (like me ) can at least see the second screen!

Edited June 18, 2009 by Aegis

[potatohead]

I don't have a game to add, but I seriously like this thread.

 

The box art from Panda Games is absolutely horrible. I had no idea that could even get on the shelf!! Somebody, somewhere should feel really bad about that. Or, they hated their job and it showed. God, it's just bad.

 

Skeet Shoot has one nice quality and that's the water color. It reminds me of those goofy paintings you can find in thrifties, or on somebody's wall because it was an awkward gift and hiding it would offend somebody they care about. To me, that's one notch above the worst. It's a small notch though! The smallest possible actually.

 

The Airlock art is special too. At first glance it actually passes for retro cool. Just don't look at it very long at all, or it goes bad quick! My first impression was, "What's wrong with that?" followed by, "Oh yeah! Everything." Sneaky. I think this is hard to do.

 

The Panda art just screams BAD, right outta the gate. No question. To me, that makes it worse. No mind play, just flat out bad from first impression on.

 

Edit: I think Airlock is borderline genius because of the little head game it plays. Your average joe goes from cool, to OMFG!, to some morbid wandering around the scene checking out just how horrible it is. You just get sucked in to that one. Nice. I like this one, because it's fiendishly morbid, not just morbid.

Edited June 19, 2009 by potatohead

[StanJr]

Fire Fighter anyone? Gotta be one of the worst from Imagic, and don't try to tell me that label and box art are something to be praised.

 

All three Myticon games are top contenders with Sorcerer probably topping the pile....of crap.

[godzillajoe]

Was Panda even a "real" game company?

[Aegis]

Nope - none of the Mythicon games make the cut - they wisely put some cliched but fairly decent cover artwork on all their dreadful 'games' - it may be lipstick on a pig but to look at the boxes you'd think 'hey - that game looks interesting' (which is probably why Mythicon are hated so much - too many people got suckered as a kid).

 

Any Imagic game is automatically excluded - their presentation was top-notch and their games look great in a collection - as a company they weren't anywhere near as cynical as the ones we're trying to expose here - Firefighter may not have been their best but does it deserve to be compared with Skeet Shoot? Lord no!

 

potatohead: Yeah, there's something pretty damn special about Airlock - after starting this thread I'm actually considering looking for a copy - something CIB in good condition would be awesome - you could show it to friends just to blow their minds

 

godzillajoe: There's no info on Panda on AtariAge - Rom Hunter would probably know. They put more effort into their box art than Zellers did (Zellers just ripped off Seaquest for Scuba Diver) but it looks like the original release was called 'Skindiver' and was by Sancho (that was a PAL release though so Panda may have been the original US publisher). Apparently the PAL version is a little easier as the extra scanlines allowed the player more room to avoid the fish. The play area was squashed for the US version.

Edited June 19, 2009 by Aegis