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Native English speaker needed


ilmenit

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Hi,

 

I need a help of native English speaker who could fix/improve texts in my new game (fantasy themed).

If you are willing to help, write me a PM or sign here and I will contact you.

It would be great if you could add some Old English/Early Modern English style :)

Edited by ilmenit
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Sorry, yes, got it :) Like I say I won't have much time but I'll take a look through. How old English do you want it? I think doing too much will just confuse people. If there are certain characters it would suit (not checked if there is dialogue) then maybe best to limit it to them.

 

 

Pete

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  • 1 month later...

One good soul has changed the intro text to the "older" form:

"The world hath ne’er been a reticent place. However, thy Dark Army that arrived one disastrous decade ago art turning everything into chaos. The eternity of terror and sorrow became a reality for everyone. The virtue king of the land hath been executed and his son hath been banished to prison for eternal abasement. After many years thee lose consciousness of not only how to be a prince, but also thy scent of thy trees and thy flowers, the torridity of thy sun and thy caress of thy gentle breeze. All hope hath been relinquished. Forever?"

 

As I'm not an native English speaker it's hard for me to evaluate it. What to you think about it? :)

Would you like to see the rest of texts in the game with such kind of language? Is it readable?

 

regards,

Jakub

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One good soul has changed the intro text to the "older" form:

"The world hath ne'er been a reticent place. However, thy Dark Army that arrived one disastrous decade ago art turning everything into chaos. The eternity of terror and sorrow became a reality for everyone. The virtue king of the land hath been executed and his son hath been banished to prison for eternal abasement. After many years thee lose consciousness of not only how to be a prince, but also thy scent of thy trees and thy flowers, the torridity of thy sun and thy caress of thy gentle breeze. All hope hath been relinquished. Forever?"

 

As I'm not an native English speaker it's hard for me to evaluate it. What to you think about it? icon_smile.gif

Would you like to see the rest of texts in the game with such kind of language? Is it readable?

 

regards,

Jakub

 

Needs a little fine tuning. I think it abit too much.

 

"The world hath never been a silent lusterless place. However, thy Dark Army that arrived one disastrous decade ago swiftly turning everything into chaos. The eternity of dread and affliction became a certainty for one and all. The valiant king of the our land hath been executed and his son hath been banished to prison for eternal disgrace. After many years thou hast cloudy consciousness of not only how to be a prince, but also thy scent of thy trees and thy flowers, the torridity of thy sun and thy caress of thy gentle breeze. All hope hath been relinquished. forever and a day?"

 

Just seems to flow abit smoother...and not overly Archaic

.

This is just my opinion.

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I think too much of ye Olde English tends to make it seem forced... I would do away with some or all of it. Maybe only using some of it in dialogue within your game.

 

Adding to confusion, here's my stab at the opening (leaving some of the old-type english):

 

"The world hath never been a safe and silent place, however its perils were familiar and well known. The Dark Army that descended upon the land one disastrous decade ago brought with it chaos and pain, and made of these simple worries only a memory. An eternity of dread and affliction became a certainty for the high-born and peasant alike. The virtuous king of the land hath been executed and his son left to rot in a prison cell. Memories of his life as the Prince of the land have faded away like mist, and only half-remembered visions, clutched tightly to his breast, of the sun upon an open field, or the smile on a maiden's face armor his soul from complete madness. It seemed that all hope had been relinquished..."

 

Hehe, I guess I took some poetic license with it. :)

Edited by Shawn Jefferson
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I think too much of ye Olde English tends to make it seem forced... I would do away with some or all of it. Maybe only using some of it in dialogue within your game.

 

Adding to confusion, here's my stab at the opening (leaving some of the old-type english):

 

"The world hath never been a safe and silent place, however its perils were familiar and well known. The Dark Army that descended upon the land one disastrous decade ago brought with it chaos and pain, and made of these simple worries only a memory. An eternity of dread and affliction became a certainty for the high-born and peasant alike. The virtuous king of the land hath been executed and his son left to rot in a prison cell. Memories of his life as the Prince of the land have faded away like mist, and only half-remembered visions, clutched tightly to his breast, of the sun upon an open field, or the smile on a maiden's face armor his soul from complete madness. It seemed that all hope had been relinquished..."

 

Hehe, I guess I took some poetic license with it. :)

 

Wow... that's good! :thumbsup:

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