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InfernalKeith

Crap game competition: My Pet Glacier

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From Keith's Coding and House of Pancakes and Used Tires, we are proud to present our first entry in the Crap Game Competition. We've created perhaps the ultimate simulator ever devised on any platform, ever. It may be too extreme for those of you with weak constitutions. Please consult a doctor before playing. Remember, taking ownership of a virtual pet, even one that straddles a continent and causes global chaos and destruction in the most graphically vivid of ways, is a responsibility.

 

We are offering a substantial prize* to the first person who can raise their pet glacier to maturity without dying of old age or boredom first.

 

Enjoy, and remember, if you like it, our shareware fee is only $39.95 for this bleeding-edge game design technology.

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

* Prize will be one (1) bowl of split pea soup.

 

 

 

100 ! MY PET GLACIER
110 ! AA CRAP GAME COMPO
120 ! SUGG. RETAIL $39.95
130 ! (C) 2011 ALL RIGHTS
140 ! FIERCELY RESERVED!
145 GOSUB 10000
150 CALL CLEAR :: F$="" :: CALL COLOR(14,16,1) :: CALL SCREEN(3)
160 FOR X=136 TO 143 :: F$=F$&"FF" :: CALL CHAR(X,F$&(SEG$("0000000000000000",1,16-LEN(F$)))) :: NEXT X
170 P=INT(RND*6)+1 :: FOR X=1 TO P-1 :: DISPLAY AT(X,1):RPT$(CHR$(143),28) :: NEXT X
180 Q=INT(RND*+1 :: DISPLAY AT(P,1):RPT$(CHR$(135+Q),28)
190 FOR X=1 TO 20 :: CALL SOUND(2000,INT(RND*2)-7,22) :: NEXT X
200 Q=Q+1 :: IF Q<8 THEN 230
210 P=P+1 :: IF P=25 THEN 240
220 DISPLAY AT(P-1,1):RPT$(CHR$(143),28) :: Q=0 :: GOTO 190
230 DISPLAY AT(P,1):RPT$(CHR$(Q+135),28) :: GOTO 190
240 CALL CLEAR :: CALL SCREEN(7)
250 CALL SOUND(4000,-7,0) :: FOR X=1 TO 1000 :: NEXT X :: CALL SCREEN(
260 PRINT "A METEOR HIT THE EARTH AND  KILLED YOUR PET GLACIER.    NO REFUNDS, JACK."
270 END
10000 CALL CLEAR :: PRINT "    MY PET GLACIER V1.0"
10010 PRINT: : : : : :
10020 PRINT "TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR VERY OWN GLACIER AS IT TEARS     ACROSS A CONTINENT AT SPEEDS"
10030 PRINT "OF UP TO ONE INCH PER YEAR! NOTHING SAYS EXTREME LIKE A VIRTUAL PET THAT CREATES"
10040 PRINT "AN EXTINCTION-LEVEL ICE AGE OVER A PERIOD OF CENTURIES!"
10050 PRINT: : : :
10060 PRINT "PRESS ANY KEY TO HAVE FUN!!!"
10070 CALL KEY(0,K,S) :: IF S=0 THEN 10070
10080 RETURN

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this great, I always want a pet glacier but could never bear the cold weather, now I can stay toasty warm next to my computer and have me pet right besides me!

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I should have included instructions, I apologize.

 

1. RUN game.

2. Thrill to the realistic ice floe graphics and the stereophonic sounds of wintry fury.

3. Watch your glacier carefully. If it grows, you're winning.

4. Strategy hint: don't blink a lot.

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Wow... What a piece of crap....

 

It was a toss-up whether to develop this fine software product first, or rush our "Paint Drying 1.0" simulator to market. I think we made the right decision.

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