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The review of A-Z of Atari ST Games Volume 3 book RetroLaird is trying to delete!


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there are an awful lot of people who have apologised for things they said, given me their support, praised me for speaking out and have tried to encourage me to return to the scene I once loved.

Citation needed.

 

Also, make note: this is the justification he will use to weasel his way back.  Even though it's a complete fabrication.

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31 minutes ago, Welshworrier said:

But everyone loves him again as you can tell on his FB page, not the FB personal page but the one for discussion of books (he are an author you know).

 

The person who is so desperate for fame by assmosis they went searching for playexpo 2018 pictures.

And

 

 

Me 2 movement.

He's using pictures where:

 

a). He isn't namechecked once

b). He is very much in the background in each one.

 

Popular lad

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21 hours ago, PixelsLtd said:

Kieren. Mate. If you are reading this. I'm sorry for typing this stuff. I'm sorry for getting involved. I considered you a friend and despite all this I want you to be ok. I would never wish any harm on you or your family. I'm not the bad guy, please don't hate me. If you had not have made it personal, I would have stayed way out of this and left it as it was. I'm not 100% sure as to who is telling the truth and who is lying about what specific thing in most cases. But you KNOW that some of what you said about one of my best friends is untrue, and some of it is heavily misleading. This is a person that is extremely vulnerable, and trusted you, and confided in you, and the fact you have tried to "help them through these issues" are a good portion of why we became close friends online and I trusted you. If you are truly responsible for any of those problems in the first place, that is unforgivable. I found it truly hard to believe, and if you read my previous statements, you'll see that I never fully believed them and said things like "if he is guilty" and stated that I considered you as a friend who had been kind to me and who I trusted. However, there is stuff in that statement that is patently untrue, others which are half truths worded in purposefully misleading ways, and covering subjects hitting very much below the belt where a reasonable person should not have gone to. I'm sure that you know which bits I'm talking about. The fact you would stoop to that level in an attempt to try and make yourself look better makes me incredibly sad and makes me feel that you've actually made yourself look more likely to be guilty in my eyes. This still doesn't mean I wish you any harm. In fact I'm very worried for your mental health, and I want you to speak to someone, get help, and just step away from everything, for the sake of you, and your family. Please don't do anything silly mate. But please, also, know when to "leave alone", and when you are crossing lines that should never be crossed.

 

For anyone else reading this I'm aware 99% of you don't know who I am and also that I have stated that I know for fact that some of his statement is lies or half truths, but I have not stated which ones or offered proof. I'm struggling with this as I don't feel its my place to reveal details of the personal lives of my close friends. For context, these aren't just YouTubers I've collaborated with or met at conventions. These are people who I know well. People who despite the fact I've not been able to be online for over a year have remained good friends and in touch both by phone and in real life. People who have trusted me into their lives. Invited me into their homes. Insisted on giving me lifts to places that were well out of their way. Helped me through very difficult times. One even kindly cooked me an incredible dinner on a Christmas I would have otherwise spent alone. And never ONCE have I used this for clout publically. Never posted a picture. Never mentioned it on twitter. It wasn't about "using" them, it was about them being some of the nicest, most genuine people I've had the pleasure of knowing, who I love and trust implicitely and am heartbroken when I see people trying to hurt them. And I don't feel that its appropropriate to suddenly state exactly which people I'm refering to or which things in the statement I know aren't true. Because I'm not posting this for any reason other than I'm hoping Kieren sees it. And HE knows which bits aren't true or are misleading. Kieren. Please stop. I considered you a mate. I'm hurt, and dissapointed, but I still do, despite all this. I wish you no ill will whatsoever, I want you to get over all this and move on for the sake of your health and your family. PLEASE stop making it worse for yourself and others. I can see that perhaps not all the accusations are black and white and you may have been wrongfully accused or misrepresented in some ways and you feel let down and backed up against a wall trying to protect yourself. But as I said to George, by dragging other people into this in what looks on the surface, even to impartial others, to be an agressive, vindictive way, you make it very hard for people to feel sympathy for you. I apologised to George and I apoligise to you for believing "everything" without checking the evidence myself. I'll leave it up to others to fact check your defenses, some of which may be perfectly valid. I've no idea. But please stop making this personal and further causing harm to people who never asked to be dragged into any of this, and who have been very supportive and kind to you in the past, and even less than a week ago were pubically defending you in youtube comments and refusing to believe any of this as they considered you a trusted friend just as I did. I want this to all be over, as I'm sure you also do. Please don't make it worse. Let's try and heal and move on.

Firstly let me say, I'm a total nobody in all of this - some folk might know me from several forums here or there, and I've lurked here over the years but obviously have not been active posting.

 

I've spent too much time reading this thread and other places... but the above paragraphs are important that Kieren read, more than any other that I've read (not to detract from those that took time and effort to open up)... and are said wearing heart on their sleeve. I'm not going to pretend I'm a doctor, or psychologist, but given everything I've read, I make the following observations...

 

1) I am genuinely concerned for the mental state of anyone who is going through whatever the hell this is, I would hope that Kieren speaks with a medial professional and follows their recommended course of action.

 

2) Whilst I am #notadoctor... I think we may be dealing with a pathological liar, whereby this comes totally naturally and may not stop - how can you not think this after seeing today's post in his FB group, vs the actual replies. In that case my only suggestion is that we try not to rise to the bait, as tempting as that is, and those that know Kieran keep recommending that he speak with a doctor, to discuss this.

 

Kieren - you don't know me, I don't know you... please speak to a doctor and let them know why people are worried about you.

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I am in awe.

 

I have been alerted to the stuff Kieren was saying about me, when he was at the same time assuring me he had nothing to do with Horacegate, and that he "liked me immensely" (as a friend obviously). 

 

Horacegate really f**ked me up. I understand people think I went about it the wrong way - that's fair. Looking back, I should have been much stronger. But Kieren promised me he had nothing to do with it. He swore.

 

And yet, I was shown a screenshot today of him saying "I wish I had tits." In response to me having a boost in Patreon supporters, which was entirely not expected, around the time of Horacegate.

 

I will be happy to send mods this screenshot. I'm not sure if the person he was talking to would want to be known. Please contact me mods and let me know.

Here is how Kieren was with me during that time, attached.

 

Begging me to make a statement that I didn't think he was involved. Bear in mind his side of the conversation appears to have been removed, as you can see from my responses. I apologise Kieren, the other responses from you did indeed reappear after you came back online. And then blocked me.

 

And in his "statement," he tried to make out I was going to cut myself if I didn't release that statement saying he wasn't to blame?

 

Re-read it. I wanted you to leave me alone, so I released the statement as I was in such a bad place I was going to cut myself. And I did, by the way. You can use that with your sockpuppet accounts if you want, really go to town.

 

And as it turns out, at the time you were telling people "I wish I had tits" in response to my videos getting recognition, you were being honestly lovely with me via DMs. I had no reason to think you were a bad person

 We didn't talk often, but I liked chatting to you. This is why it hurts so much. I believed you. I liked you.

 

I get that Octav1us is f**kable, that's kind of the point. I wanted to make a point that a character can be attractive physically and still know her stuff about gaming. Fine, you missed the point. But to be sweet to my face and then say that stuff on private...you are a snake, sir.

 

Despite all this, everyone deserves to be happy. Me, you, all the people who interact with us.

 

I want you to be happy. I do not take back what I said to you in our most recent interaction, where I urged you to talk to Samaritans when you next feel on edge. Honestly, they did wonders for me.

 

Even after all the lies you spouted, not just about me but others, in your manifesto, I am still willing to accept an apology. We are all in this together. 

 

Sarah.

 

 

 

 

 

Screenshot_20200221-032423.png

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I am sad that this issues has turned the UK retro-gaming community to sh*t.

 

Reading @RetroPrincess's reply made my heart break for you and your family, we don't need any deaths cause by this a**hole.

 

 

KH: you could have become an expert in Atari, but if your can't get basic facts right and get called out by Leonard Tramiel and/or Nolan Bushnell , you have real problems.

 

 

 

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Closing statement from myself, in terms of what has been annouced by Kieren, having had chance to read through the 15 pages whilst at work.

 

I don't think i have ever read such long winded, drawn out, tedious and inaccurate claims in all my life and i am very familiar with your writing Kieren. 

 

Your basically admitting you are completely and utterly jealous of those with gifts you can only dream of and it eats away at you.

 

You don't run a well respected and successful Retro book and magazine publishing company, so you attack Chris Wilkins..

 

 

 

You didn't have a successful crowd funded book project, so you attack Greyfox..

 

You can't code,so you attack CyranoJ.. 

 

You failed to be part of a successful Homebrew publishing arm so you attack Atari Age..

 

 

Your not an intelligent, attractive and entertaining YT channel host and you were never asked to appear on Digitiser 2000, so you attack Octav1us Kitten.. 

 

 

In fact reading through the pure venom you directed at Sarah,  physically made me want to wretch.

 

Of all the people you targeted, you should be utterly, utterly ashamed and disgusted about the foulness you put down about Sarah.

 

 

And as for bringing the Jane Whittaker exposure into your drool filled rant, get f##ked you talentless, lazy gobshite. 

 

 

You played no part in that exposure, no part at all.

 

How dare you yet again springboard yourself off the work of others.

 

It was Jenovi, Andrew Rosa, myself and many, many individuals from the games industry that put the legwork into that.

 

Your cut from the same cloth as Jane, a practiced liar, bitter Jane made a far better career of it than you ever managed? 

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3 hours ago, tomasparks said:

I am sad that this issues has turned the UK retro-gaming community to sh*t.

 

Reading @RetroPrincess's reply made my heart break for you and your family, we don't need any deaths cause by this a**hole.

 

 

KH: you could have become an expert in Atari, but if your can't get basic facts right and get called out by Leonard Tramiel and/or Nolan Bushnell , you have real problems.

 

 

 

Don't forget Atari UK's Darryl Still over Laird's Guru Larry Caspain Software Vs Telegames/Atari UK Jaguar Zero 5 fiasco. 

 

Mr Atari Hawkens having to admit to Darryl Still (who's said of the story he never asked for) he had no idea who the Boss of Caspain Software was :-)) 

 

If you can't even research key staff from a miniscule UK software house such as Caspain, your going to be way out of your depth trying to cover a company the size of Atari.

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10 hours ago, Retrobob said:

 

I've spent too much time reading this thread and other places... but the above paragraphs are important that Kieren read, more than any other that I've read (not to detract from those that took time and effort to open up)... and are said wearing heart on their sleeve. I'm not going to pretend I'm a doctor, or psychologist, but given everything I've read, I make the following observations...

Thanks so much mate. I just hate everything about this whole situation. I never wish harm on anyone no matter what. But this needs to stop, for everyone's sakes, including Kieren himself.

 

I wasn't going to post here again, as I'm just concentrating on private conversations with the people who are close to me that are affected by this. However, as I'm posting again, I'd like to add my support for the brave statements by Octav1us and Retro Princess. They are both incredible pillars of the community, and have helped countless people including myself with mental health problems or disabilities, or just day to day worries that everyone deals with. And no, not for clickbait, or views, or Patreon money. I mean, spending their time to message people, help them, check up on them, with no public visibility. One time when I was going through a really rough patch and didn't come online or answer the phone for a couple months they went above and beyond and even wrote to my home address to offer support, and I am far from the only one who has stories like that. They are sweet, kind and genuine people in real life and are literally the least likely people to lie or misrepresent a situation. And for those who have never watched their content, if its not obvious, Kieren's statement saying that "literally every video" is somehow sexually explicit or wearing some kind of revealing costume, a simple perusal of their channel will show that that is complete and utter horseshit, a point so easy to disprove that I have no idea why he thought it would help his cause to post it.

 

Also, I probably should have mentioned before that several of the people named in the list of people Kieren thanked in his document are also good friends of mine, lovely people, some of whom I've spoken to privately and they are shocked, appalled and saddened at this whole situation, and would never have agreed to be dragged into this. Its probably obvious by this point but do NOT assume that they have anything to do with co-signing ore reading the document, nor that they have they endorsed it, or posted support of his claims. I'd hate for it to damage their reputations in any way. If simply supporting him in the past and remaining publically silent during these fallouts was all it took to be "thanked" then I guess I'm lucky I made that reply on the blog and apology to George, lest my name could have been there as well. Its not even slightly cricket to put other people's named in the document like that without asking them first as if it implies they agree with it. To claim people are friends and then damage them by further association without asking them first shows extremely bad manners and makes it look like they weren't truly friends, just names to use to bolster your reputation. 

 

Again. I don't wish Kieren any harm. He has a wife and kids and they deserve a happy and peaceful life. In my opinion he is not beyond help, and does have some positive qualities, even if right now they are well hidden, and negated by certain extremely toxic behaviours that damage himself as well as others. I just want him to realise that attacking other people is not the way forward for him, and he needs to concentrate on positivity and healing himself. He obviously has a lot of sadness in his life and a lot of personal demons. I echo Sarah's concerns for him and her advice that he contacts the Samaritans. They do great work and are trained to deal with exactly these kinds of situations.

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In the offal to waffle production that is the 'statement'. Can I correct the rant against Ross re Clinton cards.

 

Yep, he made a mistake in saying Clinton cards,  which I corrected as the name is "signature gifts" - as detailed in the Wikipedia talk page for the Atari lynx. He then acknowledged his mistake. 

 

What was interesting when that link was noticed, Kieren actually had a rant in his private group about being stalked and he'd never told anyone he was working there etc. Unfortunately it was public information on his personal FB page timeline as "started at signature gifts". Oddly that was deleted just after the link was revealed.

 

 

Btw I see that the Atarifan Twitter account is STILL making targeted attacks, including posting a photograph (ironically taken from Wikipedia) of Margate station, mock up t-shirts going down the "attention whore" route, friends with benefits stuff. Truly a broken individual.

 

And that's the problem with trying to project  norms into people showing such behaviours. Much like the gun bans in the UK, the only people who were affected were those that would not have transgressed. Criminals were already breaking the law so any new laws didn't apply. Applying "he didn't really mean to do it, he must have some reason why" logic to people whose only strategy is "I am right" doesn't work. It's has the opposite effect in that it enables their actions.

 

 

Edited by Welshworrier
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To echo yet again...

 

Kieren needs help, yes.

 

But to everyone trying to talk to him and offer support and understanding.... he doesn't care.  15 years of this shit not enough evidence for you all?  By offering this you are, quite literally, giving him exactly what he wants... an excuse to return and keep doing the same old shit over and over.  You are being manipulated.

 

You thought you were his friend and want to help him?  Guess what: he was using you for his own gain.

 

He was nice to you? Guess what: you had something he wanted or could twist to his advantage.

 

You've been targeted by him?  Guess what: that isn't going away - he doesn't give a shit.

 

IMHO: Kieren is not a normal, rational person. He does not care about you. He does not care about anyone not Kieren. You are wasting your breath.

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Yep, this was a post from last year about why he was banned from here...

It was because of his standing up, sorry because of his correcting then over FPGA, sorry it was because sauron was trying it on with his girlfriend.

 

Truly anyone who thinks he's a friend is just potential roadkill on his path to destruction.

 

Screenshot_20200222-103317__02.jpg

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A few points worth making still here:

 

1.Yep, Clinton Cards was a mistake on my part, already admitted that was the name that popped into my head, totally my bad.

 

I'm on nights this week, which means 12 hour shifts,  plus 90 mins driving and we have 2 houses being built next door, so sleep patterns are all over the place.

 

I know it's not like researching for your latest YT video or A to Z book Kieren,  but it does mean your prone to making slip ups, which i have owned.

 

2.Going back to what you wrote about Octav1us Kitten :

 

You ramble on about "people" having analysed her crying video and from this analysis,  they can tell the video was heavily edited and you throw random claims about light and shadows, her hair and make up being done etc etc.

 

 

So, these "people" then...

 

You don't name them, you don't mention what tools were used in this analysis,  their level of expertise in this field, yet it's presented as credible evidence for your defence. 

 

 

It is utterly pathetic kieren, just utterly pathetic. 

 

your what?  Digital Foundry now, your people can write up a detailed breakdown on anyone's YT video?

 

 

I would to see the same people go over some of yours then.

 

A behavioural physiologist for starters as your sat there playing with your face constantly,  your struggle to provide basic coherent narrative throughout,  make a case for the conclusions you jump to in these Story Of videos for starters.

 

And what fun it would be to trace the origins of your research and footage..

 

 

Hell we could go full on History Channel and have a full on reconstruction of you researching and scripting and then video editing away.

 

 

Or did you simply ask Bedfordshire Constabulary if they could simply have their SOCO officers have a look through the video and give you a report? 

 

15 pages and you can't even give basic details on the above?. 

 

 

 

You talked of Paul Andrews having seen the what was it? "Tidal Wave"  of proof that proved you were innocent,  well Sir, why was this tidal wave not put forward instead of the utter nonsense you did put up?

 

 

Tidal Wave, come on Kieren,  i have had dodgy taps drip more than what you came out with to clear your name.

 

No official statements from Paul or the others you personally thanked then?

 

 

In fact from what i have seen, an awful lot of people named in your support section seemed very embarrassed to be named, had no idea they were included,  have had minor dealings with you and give a very, very different account than you do.

 

Not so much standing by you and encouraging you to return to writing and making videos, more edging slowly away from you,not making any sudden moves that might startle you,but very keen to distance themselves from you.

 

 

 

 

 

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13 minutes ago, CyranoJ said:

To echo yet again...

 

Kieren needs help, yes.

 

But to everyone trying to talk to him and offer support and understanding.... he doesn't care.  15 years of this shit not enough evidence for you all?  By offering this you are, quite literally, giving him exactly what he wants... an excuse to return and keep doing the same old shit over and over.  You are being manipulated.

 

You thought you were his friend and want to help him?  Guess what: he was using you for his own gain.

 

He was nice to you? Guess what: you had something he wanted or could twist to his advantage.

 

You've been targeted by him?  Guess what: that isn't going away - he doesn't give a shit.

 

IMHO: Kieren is not a normal, rational person. He does not care about you. He does not care about anyone not Kieren. You are wasting your breath.

Exactly. 

 

When i saw him for the individual he really was back then on RVG and RG forum,  having given the bastard a stack of Magazine scans on disc i had paid for, for him as Admin on RVG to share with the community and he started putting up as his findings (yeah you wanted all my old Lynx and Jaguar scrap book cuttings didn't you Kieren, you bloated leech, so you could put them up as your resources),  i was told by him he felt betrayed, he thought i was one of the good guys.

 

Then he ran around slandering me.

 

I wasn't right in the head,i had nothing but old magazine clippings,  where as he was Personal friends with A to Z in the industry. 

 

Caught you off guard when i started doing my own interviews and proper research didn't i Kieren? 

 

And my, the wailing when Atari Age locked your old Lost Jaguar games thread as despite the pretty colour coding, your expert claims were anything but and were just taken from..OLD MAGAZINES, ohh the irony.

 

 

When Scott Stilphen passed on the Atari Faxes, memos,  tester reports, you had Roberth DEMMAND i release everything,  stamp your feet as much as you like Rumplestiltskin,  the files were converted and shared, but given to respected sites in the community. 

 

Atarimania 

 

GTW:Who soon will be answering Q's you couldn't on Lynx Vindicators and Rolling Thunder thanks to Scott's files and lengthy interviews.

 

Unseen 64  etc.

 

 

All Kieren wants and cares about when approaching you, is KIEREN 

 

 

What can you do to  promote Kieren.

 

What have you got Kieren needs ( raw material, a platform, a skill set etc)

 

 

As CyranoJ said, there is an established 15 year (a year for every page in that bloody statement of his :-)))  behaviour pattern.

 

Why on earth do you think he will change now of all times when he is convinced it should be us apologising to him?.

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3 hours ago, Welshworrier said:

In the offal to waffle production that is the 'statement'. Can I correct the rant against Ross re Clinton cards.

 

Yep, he made a mistake in saying Clinton cards,  which I corrected as the name is "signature gifts" - as detailed in the Wikipedia talk page for the Atari lynx. He then acknowledged his mistake. 

 

What was interesting when that link was noticed, Kieren actually had a rant in his private group about being stalked and he'd never told anyone he was working there etc. Unfortunately it was public information on his personal FB page timeline as "started at signature gifts". Oddly that was deleted just after the link was revealed.

 

 

Btw I see that the Atarifan Twitter account is STILL making targeted attacks, including posting a photograph (ironically taken from Wikipedia) of Margate station, mock up t-shirts going down the "attention whore" route, friends with benefits stuff. Truly a broken individual.

 

And that's the problem with trying to project  norms into people showing such behaviours. Much like the gun bans in the UK, the only people who were affected were those that would not have transgressed. Criminals were already breaking the law so any new laws didn't apply. Applying "he didn't really mean to do it, he must have some reason why" logic to people whose only strategy is "I am right" doesn't work. It's has the opposite effect in that it enables their actions.

 

 

Just to cover all the bases.

 

Hi again Kieren,  remember RG forum,  yeah, sure you do, you'd often talk about your jobs on there, not in much detail mind, as you didn't want folks knowing what you actually did and why you couldn't hold a job there for long, but i digress. 

 

You mentioned working for a big name card and gift company,  be interesting to find that post and see the time and date stamp on it.

 

 

Do you want to bring up Santander bank as well?

 

Seem to remember you having a whinge about issues with being passed over for promotion by a female manager (what is it with you and talented career women?) and you issued a statement on various social media sites (now conventional deleted of course)  about why you no longer worked at Santander,  but the thing with lying so often is you forget which lie your supposed to be using.

 

You gave 2 very different accounts of your departure.

 

 

Let's see what's still available online shall we.

 

 

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So Kieren, March 2016 you had 'long moved ' into Freelance writing having worked at this card company prior.

 

Now i KNOW your not great with dates, your own D.O.B was a huge issue for you on World Of Spectrum when he you bragged of writing Steve Davis Snooker for CDS on the Sinclair 128 ZX SPECTRUM, oh sorry you later changed that statement to you had written a HACK for the 128K version :-)) 

 

 

 

But found your RG post :

 

 

 
 
 
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The Laird

Re: What grinds your gears ?

Post Mon Sep 07, 2015 6:01 pm

Stupid customers who can't read the details on our website.

I work for a personalised gift company and people seem to think that when they pay for next day delivery they get the item the next day. They seem to just completely miss the part that says each item is made to order with very clear lead time written in large letters that tells them just how long the item takes to produce. Drives me insane as I spend half my day answering emails from these people asking where their item is because they simply don't read what is on a screen in front of them. :roll:

And then at least half of them claim the website is confusing when we point this out :lol:

 

 

Nice use of word INSANE there..aren't you a mental health champion? 

 

 

So can you give us your exact leaving date, show letter of termination, contract wise etc.

 

 

Your a writer so of course you wouldn't of thrown anything away.

 

 

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Talking of established behaviour patterns Kieren, remember this one?

 

 

 
psj3809

Re: What grinds your gears ?

Post Thu Jul 30, 2015 6:14 am

The Laird wrote:The thing I must have complained about more than anything else on this forum ever - and still the biggest problem on the internet.

People passing off their opinion as fact and the refusing to accept anybody is allowed to a view that isn't in line with their own.
Come on ! You cant talk ! Look at your past threads, saying the Lynx was better than the Gameboy, why the Jag should have been in that exhibition a few years back about best british computers ?!

The other day on Facebook you said some negative comment about Nintendo. The problem is if someone does that about the Jag or Atari in general you instantly appear, but its okay for you to say jokes about Nintendo which youre not as keen on ? Why the Jag is even discussed as much as it is here is a joke, total flop of a machine, very few people are playing games on it. Lets talk about proper game systems like the PC Engine and others than flops.

Andy (Arcade Club guy) mentioned he was having a Jag for people to play on and obviously the one decent game on it (Tempest) and instantly you turn up moaning about the Jag being spoken about in a negative light etc.

You dont have to be a spokesperson for the Jag or Atari in general. Again we all know you LOVE Atari so the problem is i find your views totally biased. I do like your articles in RG but i do switch off the second i hear Lynx/Jaguar in your article as i know overall it'll be so positive and biased. If Darran mentioned Amstrad as the best ever all the time i would again turn off as i know hes a big Amstrad fan, same for other people here.

If you dont want people 'baiting' (discussing) the Jag and being negative for example, you cant then post some little comment/dig about Nintendo on facebook for people to read. Works both ways.

Many times you've spoken about things like it is 'fact' so to say that to someone else i find very very hypocritical. (Counting the seconds till you go off in a huff again or PM Darran again moaning how people are picking on you)
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The Laird

Re: What grinds your gears ?

Post Thu Jul 30, 2015 6:16 am

Here we go, just as predicted . . . . . . .

I once shook your hand at a retro event, in hindsight I have no idea why.
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