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The review of A-Z of Atari ST Games Volume 3 book RetroLaird is trying to delete!

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I think you misunderstand Remo's point.

 

He isn't trying to dictate how you write your posts, just making a VERY valid point that for all the comedy name calling of Kieren, and the minor chuckle it gives, it makes the information and stories less indexable in this thread.  If you search for Kieren Hawking you will find links to pages that are relevant to that name, so the search engine will index each post that mentions that name, true a wall of them won't win points, but a thread where individual posts use that name will.

 

It will also be able to present multiple individual posts within the thread with a name match.  Plus if someone say searches for "Kieren Hawking RetroGamer" it will match more accurately to any posts with all 3 words. 

If you however put "Karen Halfarsed", and reference some really interesting facts about his crap with RetroGamer, this isn't going to match as well.  So people searching will be less likely to find the specific post of interest.  Yeah they may find this huge thread of info, but if they were specifically looking for information about him relating to a specific event or entity, the silly names are not going to help locate that info.
 

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Both points valid. To be fair though, you can’t really miss the prick at this point. Chuck his name anywhere and the videos and this thread comes up. It’s like fishing with a grenade - you can’t fail to pull up some mashed up stinking nastiness.

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6 hours ago, ∞ Vince ∞ said:

as well as Bomb Runner (1987)

 

Mighty Bombjack (1990)

 

and Bomb Fusion (1989) though different has a touch of the Bomb Jacks about it as well...

And that excludes Bomb Jack II.

 

In the world of games to call anything 'unique' is a clown statement.

And Super Seymour Saves the Planet from Codemasters, which springs to mind not mentioned yet. 

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5 hours ago, LinkoVitch said:

I think you misunderstand Remo's point.

I understood and I acknowledged.

 

I reiterate once again my own point that I and others choose to ridicule him with names other than his own because he is incredibly touchy about it. 

 

A lot of things you say will be water off a duck's back, but to disrespect him at name level where all his pride and hubris lies

is to attack him at the heart of his overblown self promoting self aggrandising Walter Mitty Billy Liar DNA character.

 

He will be raging inside, completely irrationally.

 

It feeds off childhood memories of bullying and ridicule and a perceived (whether real or imaginary) persecution and I personally will keep mining that c-ore.

 

This is from the thread about ATARI GAMER magazine.  But how about this for ratification of what I have just said...

______________________________________

Posted July 8, 2015

JIMBOB005:

Wow Foxy, you sure do talk a lot of shit. I happen know Mr. Hawken (no S by the way)

 
He then goes on a long winding rant about how Greyfox is completely wrong in every way, using his own first name about 50 times in the process. 
 
GreyFox goes in for one last dig at the boy, and to his heart...
  On 7/8/2015 at 11:57 AM, Greyfox said:

And I wish Mr.Hawkens good luck with what ever he does.

 

and he could not let that go, no no no... Which gave us this from boy blunder:

 

Now you are really takin the piss.


To which MODERATOR CPUWIZ  (he who does the knocking) took an opportunity to uppercut the fucker...
 
  On 7/8/2015 at 12:59 PM, Jimbob005 said:

Wow Foxy, you sure do talk a lot of shit. I happen know Mr. Hawken (no S by the way)

pointlaugh.gif

This is understandable, since you are, in fact, Mr. Hawken.

 

laird_accounts.png

 

As others have said, this thread is copperplate, set in stone, cast in iron. 

 

His name is mentioned in full every day by someone and my posts are often quoted and invariably overlap with other peoples use of 'Kieren Hawken' anyway. 

Stop getting hung up on it, I am sure at one point one of his socks has probably made the point of needing to use his full name in this or another thread about him and other and users with good intent have taken it on board inadvertently...

 

We all have a right of opinion, A right to express ourselves however we wish.

 

We're all crew on the same ship aiming cannonballs at a man rowing a small boat (in the wrong direction).

 

Aside from Steven - Ste86, who took ownership of being his friend, I can't recall anyone defending him at all. Aside from Bob.

If someone, anyone takes themselves so seriously and you attack them at a base level it hits and it hits hard.

Edited by Guest
Less jibber jabber more clarity

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3 hours ago, Mayhem said:

And Super Seymour Saves the Planet from Codemasters, which springs to mind not mentioned yet. 

Yeah, a good shout and a decent game, Mayhem, though I'd not have gone mad and given it 94% like Zzap did.

 

He has a unique take on the definition of the word 'unique'. hee hee hee 😊

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I'd like to take a moment to apologise to @Greyfox / Darren.

Back when I still thought K.W.H was a real person and not the parasite I later found him out to be, I wrote Darren a nasty message or three espousing my support and my anger at how Darren had wholehearted ripped off my friend both creatively and financially.

 

I think I was even told that he had been stalking the boy wonder.


Needless to say, after about 2 weeks of drip feeding me bullshit I snapped.

 

I regret this. At the time I thought I was standing up for someone who was being taken advantage of and bullied; something I have always abhorred.

 

Because Kieren is small and weedy, I felt he had been picked on and needed

someone to stand up for him. Oh how my eyes have seen the light !

 

I know my own behaviour at the time was reprehensible and I was

doing something that I hate from others.

 

Sorry Darren.

 

I later messaged Darren after I found out what the boy was like and he told me that he held no ill will towards him.

 

This is a wonderful way to be, if you can manage it, I can't. I won't. 

 

Ps I wanted to put this up in public rather than just inbox an apology because being a grown up means owning up when you have been wrong, something

boy wonder (I wonder why anyone paid him good money for the trash he laughingly calls copy) would never do.

 

Having posted 3 in a row (I thought this should be separate and not just tagged on to one of the others), I am going to sit a few rounds out (the crowd cheer).

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1 hour ago, ∞ Vince ∞ said:

I'd like to take a moment to apologise to @Greyfox / Darren.

Back when I still thought K.W.H was a real person and not the parasite I later found him out to be, I wrote Darren a nasty message or three espousing my support and my anger at how Darren had wholehearted ripped off my friend both creatively and financially.

 

I think I was even told that he had been stalking the boy wonder.


Needless to say, after about 2 weeks of drip feeding me bullshit I snapped.

 

I regret this. At the time I thought I was standing up for someone who was being taken advantage of and bullied; something I have always abhorred.

 

Because Kieren is small and weedy, I felt he had been picked on and needed

someone to stand up for him. Oh how my eyes have seen the light !

 

I know my own behaviour at the time was reprehensible and I was

doing something that I hate from others.

 

Sorry Darren.

 

I later messaged Darren after I found out what the boy was like and he told me that he held no ill will towards him.

 

This is a wonderful way to be, if you can manage it, I can't. I won't. 

 

Ps I wanted to put this up in public rather than just inbox an apology because being a grown up means owning up when you have been wrong, something

boy wonder (I wonder why anyone paid him good money for the trash he laughingly calls copy) would never do.

 

Having posted 3 in a row (I thought this should be separate and not just tagged on to one of the others), I am going to sit a few rounds out (the crowd cheer).

I'm glad you finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I had almost the same experience with Kieren W. Hawken as you described in your post.

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1 hour ago, KidGameR186496 said:

I'm glad you finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I had almost the same experience with Kieren W. Hawken as you described in your post.

It didn't take long. I spotted a crack one morning, and by the end of that evening half the wall had fallen away.

 

He's got NPD, or maybe, by the way he totally fails to acknowledge his sock accounts despite the mountainous evidence to the contrary he might even have MPD , Multiple Personality Disorder or DID as they now call it.

 

NPD is probably more appropriate as Narcissists are very adapt at inter personal manipulation, something so far removed from the natural state of an 'Aspie' it is untrue.

 

Of course the young Narcissus was a good looking fella and would stare at his own image constantly because he was captivated by it, how things may have been radically different had he himself looked like a podgy little potato someone had abandoned halfway through mashing it and some other person had come along and grated a bunch of carrot over the top of it, is anyone's guess. 

 

 

  

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8 hours ago, ∞ Vince ∞ said:

Aside from Steven - Ste86, who took ownership of being his friend, I can't recall anyone defending him at all. Aside from Bob.

Are you refereing to me? If so then you are wrong, I have never defended him.

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I accused RetroBob of being Kizza here.

 

In my defence I have been very poorly. Inexcusable really. Sorry Bob!

If you're ever at an event in the Midlands, I'll get you a couple of pints mate.

I think this might highlight the fact that KWH messes with your head so much you see him everywhere.

Edited by Guest
I accused RetroBob WRONG! Sorry Bob

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I'm pretty sure that Retrobob is NOT Kieren, as I told you via PM a while back when you brought up that concern with me. Honestly I see no reason why you would even think that, as the reasons you give above are a bit of a stretch. I haven't seen Retrobob defend him at all, or even say anything nice about him. That's a far cry from the activity that Kieren has displayed through his other sock puppet accounts in the past, and based on recent behavior I highly doubt he suddenly changed tactics. I think you're barking up the wrong tree here.

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So Bob, RetroBob has proved he is not and has never been Kieren William Hawken.

 

 

Edited by Guest
Sorry BOB

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2 hours ago, blot said:

I know I am new here but let's not turn on each other it's what he wants.

Yes. You are right of course. 

Bob was only questioning the reasoning behind and checking the facts of the claims.

 

I've been a very silly boy here. Hands up! I owe RetroBob some beers.

 

I'm only really here for the talk of games and stuff but had a stake in this so post here as well. I am currently discussing box artwork elsewhere, for example.

Edited by Guest
Bob was not Kieren and I acknowledge my error

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47 minutes ago, blot said:

I know I am new here but lets not turn on each other its what he wants.

I agree. It wouldn't surprise me if one of his sock puppet accounts posts screenshots of recent posts and claim that they are all "turning"

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On 4/9/2020 at 8:12 AM, ∞ Vince ∞ said:

@Retrobob Yeah, I suspect you are a sock for Kizza 'bob'. I'll put it out there.

I figured from that odd PM you sent me. It's good thing I have a sense of humour!

 

On 4/9/2020 at 8:30 AM, markopoloman said:

There is no way Retrobob is Hawken! 
I like Retrobob, he’s a nice guy.

i hate Hawken, he’s a cunt. 

Cheers MPM, likewise!

 

On 4/9/2020 at 8:47 AM, ∞ Vince ∞ said:

If it transpires RetroBob isn't either Kizz the Jizz or a close person to him then I will of course apologise openly.

The floor is yours Vince.

 

(Please excuse ludicrous hair... I'd have had it cut by now but you know, corona. Plus I hadn't figured on being out in public today so didn't bother with hair wax. Also thank you Mod for sorting out my accidental photo attachment upload)

 

 

 

 

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Right, ok man. I've just had an email from someone outside of this forum telling me I am wrong, miles off, that you're actually from the east midlands and you love your Sonic.

 

Ok. Apologies, Bob! I think paranoia has got me. You seem to have a good sense of humour, so I hope you can forgive me for well... accusing you of being a complete cunt.

Sorry Bob!!!! As you have shown your face, This is me. I'm not Kizza either ;)

 

 

 

 

______

NB:I ignored that PM by a well known user.

 

 

 

hawky the stalky.jpg

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7 minutes ago, ∞ Vince ∞ said:

Right, ok man. I've just had an email from someone outside of this forum telling me I am wrong, miles off, that you're actually from the east midlands and you love your Sonic.

 

Ok. Apologies, Bob! I think paranoia has got me. You seem to have a good sense of humour, so I hope you can forgive me for well... accusing you of being a complete cunt.

Sorry Bob!!!! As you have shown your face, This is me. I'm not Kizza either ;)

 

No worries, water off a ducks back.

 

Now I'm intrigued to know who you spoke with! They're not far off with the location, and yep... my first passion is SEGA!

Edited by Retrobob

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3 minutes ago, Retrobob said:

Now I'm intrigued to know who you spoke with! They're not far off with the location, and yep... my first passion is SEGA!

Just a friend. A friend of a friend most likely, who kinda knows everybody in the retro scene. Someone who has impeccable credentials that I trust. 

 

Lee Fogarty please do not message me. When you were on my friends list over on Facebook years ago, I thought you were a nice guy, a friend of friends but when I found out about your part in Vega+ I would prefer not to hear from you.

 

I'm not having a go, I'd just prefer not to speak to you. Thanks.

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Kieren's 7800 A To Z Guide, Volume 1 could easily be the very worst of these awful,awful guides yet :-)) 

 

 

A bold statement i know, but even looking at the sample pages, you just get that impression. 

 

From the child's guide to the European side of the 7800 in the introduction, you go into reviews that more often than not, seem focused on bashing the NES, rather than explaining if a game is for you.

 

Barnyard Blaster, Ballblazer,  Commando,Centipede etc.

 

 

Centipede itself differs slightly from his other (generic) reviews of it, gone is the bug spray claim, in comes the claim of you controlling a little gun at bottom of the screen

 

 

Mr Atari never once in these Centipede reviews pointing out it was called simply a shooter in the Arcades and home versions have it as a spark-shooting magic wand, in hands of Oliver The Elf, even though it's on box art, adverts, DC comic and detailed in the instructions. 

 

Kung-Fu Master on 7800 is described as being "incredibly faithful"  to the Arcade,  yet one button controls, have to be moving to attack, henchmen that look like Zombies, 1 boss being splitting image of Freddie Mercury,  cheap knife-thrower A.I etc etc all seem overlooked. 

 

 

But the biggest error Kieren makes?

 

 

He gives the game away that he has reused years old reviews in the Jinks review.

 

Back in 2015 i think it was, Kieren did the Atari community a small, but import favour when he interviewed Bob Armour and Kieren asked Bob if the claims ACE and Zero Magazines had made about Bob converting Gauntlet to the 7800,were true.

 

Bob kindly answered that these claims were completely FALSE. 

 

 

Yet in Kierens 2019 publication:

 

 

"Now US Gold were actually working on porting Gauntlet to the 7800 back in the day..."

 

 

You lazy,lazy  bastard Kieren.

 

You slap a copyright 2019 Kieren Hawken tag on the book, I wouldn't worry, with research and writing as poor as the examples above, nobody in their right mind is going to copy your work.

 

But good god man, your too lazy to update your own reviews with the few crumbs of credible research you did manage to carry out.

 

I was expecting you to be bragging about getting the scoop and proving your critics wrong, but you were too cheap and downright lazy to even delete and replace a few lines of text, with updated information. 

 

Instead you want people to pay to read information on Atari based material, you yourself know damn well is flat out incorrect. 

 

Your a shambles, not a writer.

 

Edited by Lost Dragon

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12 minutes ago, Landstalker said:

Well now all the touchy-feeling bromance is over can we please get back to the Mole-Rat bashing?
;)

Ask and thou  shalt receive. 

 

Wrote a little review of his 7800 A To Z, as knew you were still tied up with his ZX Spectrum compedium. 

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22 minutes ago, Lost Dragon said:

Ask and thou  shalt receive. 

 

Wrote a little review of his 7800 A To Z, as knew you were still tied up with his ZX Spectrum compedium. 

You inspired me to momentarily step away from my herculean labour of wading painfully through each and every god-forsaken excuse for a review in the ZX Spectrum DUMB-pendium and peek at the pdf's I have of his 2600 and CD-i rags.
I only glanced at the 2600 text but within seconds we get a typical Hawken-ism, "In this book I take you through the life of the 2600 looking a varied cross section ".
Slapdash wankspangle!

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There is simply no way you can be impartial when reading ANY of his publications.
There is no excuse or exonerating factor for the poor diction, the lack of any flow from one sentence into another or any flair in the writing that might engage the reader.
It plods glacially from one poorly constructed and invariably grammatically incorrect jumble of words to another with sloppy punctuation, exclamations marks thrown in whenever the mood takes him and cut and paste phrases put in with frightening regularity to simply pad out each "review".
A large number of said "reviews" only get started somewhere near the end of that particular section, as Kieren feels he should entertain us with whimsical snippets from his childhood memories or tedious anecdotes about some other machine and/or company.
He throws in details that are totally irrelevant, such as movie studio names and starring actors, rather than focus on the game and say what is good/bad or indifferent about said title. All this padding and sidetracking tends to raise ones suspicions that he possibly (certainly?) has no real experience of playing that particular game and is merely raising the word count on a review he found somewhere else.

So far I have ploughed through this remedial level tripe and have seen (I can't say read, it's an offense to real books) 100 reviews.
Every single one fails the quality test.

 

  • Stilted diction.
  • Sloppy punctuation.
  • Grammatical Errors.
  • Spelling mistakes.
  • Excessive padding instead of detail.
  • Incorrect facts.
  • Inconsequential anecdotes.


I know full well that Kieren will claim that he knew for a fact that he would not get a fair review from me, but this is simply not true.
If I had felt that people were being unduly unfair, or there was anything of any redeemable merit in any of the publications I have in my possession, I would happily eat humble pie and admit my mistakes.
But they are without any creative or informative merit whatsoever.
They are hack jobs, cobbled together with little or no thought for the finished object other than to get it to market and receive financial return as fast as humanly possible.

I have not imagined the errors, nor have I nit-picked.
As someone who has written for a variety of publications over the years, (Obviously not as many or as professionally as Kieren, of course!) has written game designs and pitch documents and is a constant and passionate reader of all genres, I feel I can recognise good writing and bad.
This is bad, and not in that funky hip jazz-influenced way.
It is an insult to anyone unfortunate enough to purchase one of these titles.
It is an insult to the products contained within and the machines he claims to have owned and/or played.
It is an insult to every person who worked on any of the titles mentioned.

A Compendium of ZX Spectrum Games is appalling and a waste of any potential purchaser's money.

This is a statement of fact.

If I get a chance and can figure out the wonders of technology that will allow me to do a video review, then it will become patently apparent to anyone with eyes, that I am not making this up, these flaws DO exist.
They are there in black and white.
It is irrefutable.

BUT...
I know that there will be some kind of tenuous excuse for such, if he sees a potential video review.
It will, without doubt be someone else's fault. The onus will lie heavily on the shoulders of just about anyone other than the esteemed author and journalist.
If, as he will certainly claim, the responsibility lies at the feet of another party, then surely he should be confronting this person and demanding retribution in one form or another. He should be recalling these titles and demanding reprints.
One or two throughout the entire book is excusable, but an average of 5 per "review"?

I am determined to get to the end of this horrendous tome, but it is a chore.

I'm doing it so nobody else has to. :)

 

Edited by Landstalker
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