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Springer Atari 2600 Review


Atariperson23

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Before now, I have praised most of the 9 games I have reviewed. (With the exception of Name This Game and Pitfall!) But for my tenth review, I will righteously trash a horrible mess of garbage that was never deserved to be released, or even developed: Springer by Tigervision. Everything about the game is just horrendous, extremely and mind-numbingly flawed, to the point of unplayability. Heck, this game is worse than all the Atari 2600 porn games and Mythicon games COMBINED. Like, can you imagine a game worse than Fire Fly, Sorcerer, Star Fox, Custer's Revenge, Beat'Em and Eat'Em and Bachelor Party combined times ten? Yeah, i'm not making this up. You play this wretched game, and see for yourself the garbage that awaits you. 

Springer Atari 2600 I fell off the cloud

Originality: F

Just imagine a mix of Q*Bert, Donkey Kong, Mr.Do's Castle, Boing!, Frostbite, Rabbit Transit, and Mario Bros. Now imagine that mixed combination with primitive graphics, nonexistent controls, abrasive and repulsive music, and bugs and glitches. Yeah, that's Springer in a nutshell, except worse. Oh, and Springer is an arcade port of a good arcade game of the same name. When will the suffering end? The sad thing is, there's not even a shred of originality. All the gameplay is borrowed from the games I mentioned above, but couldn't Tigervision at least attempt something original? It's like they didn't even care about the final product! What the hell was the programmer thinking when he decided to program this sad piece of ****? Man, if you're going to port an arcade game, don't just try to emulate the original, because this is the Atari 2600 and arcade ports are as successful as 

Gameplay: D-

The gameplay is basically gameplay in hell. The controls are very slow, to the point where you have to drink eight cups of espresso just to not fall asleep. Why? Because this game gives you 16 minutes and 39 seconds to beat it. Sorry, but I can barely play this game for ten seconds without falling asleep. I don't know about you guys, but I was bored out of my mind before I was halfway through the first level. And the controls are part of the reason this game is impossible to play. If you accidentally jerk your joystick a teensy bit too much to the left, you die. If you jump one second too early, you die. If you jump one second too late, (say it with me, kids) you die. All in all, Springer is eine lästige pflicht zum spielen, (I'm not German, by the way) and the only reason I didn't give it an F or F- was because this game had a small chance (a very small) chance of being good. But as it stands, Springer is as fun to play as rock climbing with a knife in your back, the soundtrack "Nails On A Chalkboard" being blasted through your ears and a giant kidney stone in your stomach. 

Graphics: F-

The graphics are just a disgrace. Springer the rabbit looks like Springer the dancing rock sculpture thingy, the clouds are blue squares, and the dragons are blocky cactus things with eye holes. The sun is a nuclear purple mountain, and the sky are flashing blue and white triangles. At least your character has more than two frames of animation. He has four frames of animation, twice as many as the bare minimum. If that isn't amazing programming, I don't know what is. Say it with me, kids: Springer is the best game ever! Well, the game gods have decided to secure my place in hell for that awful remark. They said as punishment, I need to play the Mythicon, Froggo and Data Age games for eternity. Woe is me.

Sound Effects: F-

There's literally only four different sound effects, not counting three different annoying soundtracks, There's the collecting thing sound effect, which is a very harsh kzzzz or ear-splitting *ding*. There's a occasional krzzz which plays for no reason that will get on your nerves more often than not. And when you hit a cloud, there's another krzzz. And when the dragon hatches, there's a zzzz sound. If it wasn't for the very stupidly abrasive soundtracks, i'd say something's wrong with my 2600 or my computer. I'd legitimately send my 2600 or computer for repair, because the sounds are what really need repairing. The sound effects aren't too hot either.

Final Grade: F-

Because of the extremely slow, boring and argumentative gameplay, extremely harsh and grating sound effects and soundtracks, extremely primitive and basic, not to mention eye-straining graphics, plus not a single touch of originality whatsoever in the game, with controls that are so bad you just have to say WOW, Springer is one of the worst games on the 2600, if not THE worst, and I say let it... BURN. IN. HELL. (Coming up next, Sea Hunt Atari 2600 Review)Sp

 

 

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3 hours ago, Atariperson23 said:

Oh, and Springer is an arcade port of a good arcade game of the same name.

 

Followed one sentence later by:

 

3 hours ago, Atariperson23 said:

The sad thing is, there's not even a shred of originality. All the gameplay is borrowed from the games I mentioned above, but couldn't Tigervision at least attempt something original?

 

Um, yeah. It's a port. The name of the game isn't originality (If you want to create something original, why shell out for the license, especially for a game as obscure as Springer?), it's translating the gameplay from the arcade to the home. The port is derivative because the source material is derivative.

 

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20 hours ago, KaeruYojimbo said:

 

Followed one sentence later by:

 

 

Um, yeah. It's a port. The name of the game isn't originality (If you want to create something original, why shell out for the license, especially for a game as obscure as Springer?), it's translating the gameplay from the arcade to the home. The port is derivative because the source material is derivative.

 

I understand what you're saying, Kaeru. But why not use the game select switch to add more different modes? Like, Surround offered something new in the other modes, even though it was a good port of Chase, and Video Olympics also offered something new in other modes, even though it was a good port of Pong. An arcade port can offer something new, even though it's an arcade port.

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