AtariGeezer Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Back in January I gouged my left calf on an old ST Hard Drive Case I had sitting on a box. I applied some hydrogen peroxide to clean it up and left it to dry out. A month later I felt some pain there and when I looked at it, the skin had split open revealing some muscle tissue. So I put some Neosporin on it, covered it with gauze and used some old medical tape to keep it in place and replaced it every 2 days. I had noticed some redness under the tape so I just rotated the position of the tape (bad choice), but the redness kept repeating. Figuring the tapes adhesive went bad, I switched to cur-aid band aide tape. The redness got worse and worse until it ended up reaching a 6 inch diameter circle of infected skin. I contacted the Veterans Administration Hospital in March and was advised to go to a urgent care facility in my home town. The Nurse Practitioner said I had a cellulitis infection and prescribed some weak antibiotics which didn't do squat after 10 days. Twenty days later I went to the VA Emergency Room because the redness had spread to the whole lower leg having red bumps and the skin felt hard as leather. This time the Doctor prescribed 2 kinds of stronger antibiotics which resulted in new scab growing around one part of the original wound a week later, but that was all. I ended up going back to the ER for 3 months getting the same diagnosis and more meds... This left me feeling hopeless and I started having panic attacks thinking that if this doesn't get any better that I would loose my leg due to this skin disease that the doctors couldn't narrow down and treat properly. Those panic attacks didn't go away and resulted in severe anxiety to the point that nothing I tried would calm my mind down. Talking, trying to think of anything else or breathing exercises didn't help. I made an appointment at the VA 3 months ago at the mental health clinic, but they didn't mail the meds until a week later, witch was too late as I had a breakdown a few days before they arrived. It's going to take awhile for full recovery, but I'm using magnesium to help calm the mind during the day time and anti-anxiety meds to help in sleeping more than 2 hours at a time at night and during the daytime as needed. I just have to learn to not dwell on something like misplacing an object or a task being too complicated to do at the moment as stupid stuff like that re-ignites the anxiety. When the severe anxiety is triggered, it's really difficult to come out of without the help of the anti-anxiety meds or magnesium. I just hope I don't have to go trough this the rest of my life... Over the past 2 months, I have been going to the wound care clinic, parts of my leg are healing now, but if the worst area doesn't clear up soon, they'll start doing skin graphs... Jay 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flashjazzcat Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 3 minutes ago, AtariGeezer said: I just hope I don't have to go trough this the rest of my life... Bloody Hell. That's a horrific story. I hope things start to improve very soon. Anxiety is no fun, but I cannot imagine problems of the level you're experiencing coupled with such a nasty physical injury. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archeocomp Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Fortunatelly it wasnt a Commodore drive:-) Wish you full recovery 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+cjherr Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Your first priority is yourself. Do what you need to, and do your best not to sweat the small stuff. We’re all pulling for you. Best wishes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+DjayBee Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Ouch, this is really a terrible story and an experience no one wants to undergo. Take all the time you need to get well and try to only do things which brighten up your day. ? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FULS Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Hang in there Jay (AtariGeezer), You have no idea how much your insights and input has meant to me and the Atari community. I still use and love Atr Tools. Get Well, Doug 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Stephen Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Man - that's terrible. Hope things improve for you. Few things worse than uncontrollable anxiety. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cwilbar Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Years ago I was very sick and thought I was having a heart attack. Turns out that fear gave me a panic attack. I had problems with fear and panic for months afterward. I had been given an anti-anxiety, but I had to stop taking that, as it f'd with my head something fierce (very scary random thoughts I won't go into). I stopped taking the meds and dealt with it as best I could. Eventually it did get better and I haven't had a panic attack in years. Hang in there, panic attacks suck. At least it sounds like the meds don't hijack your mind like the ones I tried did. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+MrFish Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Really sorry to hear about your ordeal Geezer. I'll be praying for your ability to rest and recover soon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mclaneinc Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 That was an awful read, something so innocent snowballing in to a spiral of pain and depression. The good things are that you are getting treatment and trying to fix the mental health side, as a person who has had a breakdown and suffer from chronic depression I can relate to how you feel. Its a dark and very upsetting place, the panic attacks are awful, the last time I had one I could not feel my legs and I thought I was paralysed, far from the TV version of panic attacks where you blow in a bag. You won't have to take meds for the rest of your life but while they help do please take them, as I get older I started to notice that I don't heal well, a simple scratch from my cat still has scar tissue 2 months later, that is why I say to take the meds, you can get in to a circle of seeing no real effect from the meds on the tissue damage and that triggers more anxiety but you are mending, its just slow. Just let the drugs and body do their work and try not to dwell on it, its hard but just by letting us know its showing you care as do we. If you are getting down and want a chat then please feel free to drop us an email and I'm sure that offer extends from all of us....We don't like seeing one of our own in a bad way so you rest and take things day by day, try and keep positive. Paul.. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+gnusto Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Oof that is terrible. Glad some of your leg is looking better and you're getting care. There's no single approach on the mental side, what works for some people won't for others, but it sounds like you're aware of whats right for you so I would just say focus on the things that help keep you at ease. I've had cellulitis before in equally weird circumstances that seemed harmless at first; I would warn people if you see red areas of skin with elevated temperature, head to a doctor. It's no bueno. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Allan Posted October 18, 2020 Share Posted October 18, 2020 Best wishes, AtariGeezer. When you first said you cut your leg I knew it was going to be one of those stories where you do some small (you think) but it turns out not to be. I tend to be that way with myself. 'Tiss just scratch' until your body tells you otherwise. I hope you have a speedy and un-eventful recovery moving forward. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E474 Posted October 19, 2020 Share Posted October 19, 2020 Hi, Sorry to hear that, that's an awful lot to deal with. I've found doctors to be a bit variable, so I hope you luck out and find a good one for treating your cellulitis (it's something I know very little about). Have you considered making a schedule for yourself for some "(municipal) park therapy" (and giving it time to see if it has an effect)? Also, maybe getting a book on CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)? It sounds like you are a bit overwhelmed, and that's when it's most difficult to figure out what you can fix for yourself. Kudos too for sharing! Good luck with your recovery, hope it's not too long in the making. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E474 Posted October 19, 2020 Share Posted October 19, 2020 Hi, I did a quick Google on Park Therapy, and there's a lot of hits that have nothing to do with what I meant. What I meant is explained here https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-44097-3 - basically spending 2 or more hours in a municipal park (or similar) per week is good for you in lots of ways, it doesn't matter if that's 12 * 10 minute visits, or 1 * 2 hour visit, it's just the cumulative time per week. Time in your own garden (if you have one), isn't supposed to be the same, as you can end up looking at work you have to do sometime, which won't be the case in a park. I actually tried this out a year or so ago (I count myself as a scientist, so thought it would be an interesting experiment), and think there is something in it, and as it is free and unlikely to do any harm, I would recommend giving it a try. Sorry if I am spamming the list with this, it's way off any 8-bit topic, but I thought it was worth clarifying what I meant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarland Posted October 19, 2020 Share Posted October 19, 2020 Please get well! You can do it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erichenneke Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 Best wishes. If you drink coffee or tea or softdrinks, try cutting your caffeine intake by half. I was amazed how much I could eliminate almost all hints of panic attacks by managing and adjusting my caffiene intake. Also, the Atari community and/or Atari projects are a great way to occupy your mind so your body can heal with less stress. That park therapy suggestion sounds good too! I spend a lot of time on my yard and my garage and that does usually lead to more work and a feeling I have more on the to do list... I like the idea of going to a public park where I can enjoy it and it isn't my responsibility to do anything! I need to do that more myself! Take care. I love ATR tools.EricSent from my E6533 using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtariGeezer Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 On 10/18/2020 at 7:11 AM, flashjazzcat said: I hope things start to improve very soon. Anxiety is no fun, but I cannot imagine problems of the level you're experiencing coupled with such a nasty physical injury. Thanks Jon, me too... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtariGeezer Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 On 10/18/2020 at 7:12 AM, archeocomp said: Fortunatelly it wasnt a Commodore drive:-) Wish you full recovery Thank you On 10/18/2020 at 7:16 AM, cjherr said: Your first priority is yourself. Do what you need to, and do your best not to sweat the small stuff. We’re all pulling for you. Best wishes. Thank you On 10/18/2020 at 8:05 AM, DjayBee said: Ouch, this is really a terrible story and an experience no one wants to undergo. Take all the time you need to get well and try to only do things which brighten up your day. ? Thank you On 10/18/2020 at 10:46 AM, FULS said: Hang in there Jay (AtariGeezer), You have no idea how much your insights and input has meant to me and the Atari community. I still use and love Atr Tools. Get Well, Doug Thank you That's nice to hear On 10/18/2020 at 11:04 AM, Stephen said: Man - that's terrible. Hope things improve for you. Few things worse than uncontrollable anxiety. Thank you Very true... On 10/18/2020 at 12:14 PM, cwilbar said: Years ago I was very sick and thought I was having a heart attack. Turns out that fear gave me a panic attack. I had problems with fear and panic for months afterward. I had been given an anti-anxiety, but I had to stop taking that, as it f'd with my head something fierce (very scary random thoughts I won't go into). I stopped taking the meds and dealt with it as best I could. Eventually it did get better and I haven't had a panic attack in years. Hang in there, panic attacks suck. At least it sounds like the meds don't hijack your mind like the ones I tried did. Thank you Yep, I had bad anxiety attacks back in 1994 (after my divorce) when I drove a 18 wheeler, had to quit driving after I almost drove a family in a small car off the road. On 10/18/2020 at 12:30 PM, MrFish said: Really sorry to hear about your ordeal Geezer. I'll be praying for your ability to rest and recover soon. Thank you I'm sure my guardians will be listening... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtariGeezer Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 On 10/18/2020 at 12:53 PM, Mclaneinc said: That was an awful read, something so innocent snowballing in to a spiral of pain and depression. The good things are that you are getting treatment and trying to fix the mental health side, as a person who has had a breakdown and suffer from chronic depression I can relate to how you feel. Its a dark and very upsetting place, the panic attacks are awful, the last time I had one I could not feel my legs and I thought I was paralysed, far from the TV version of panic attacks where you blow in a bag. You won't have to take meds for the rest of your life but while they help do please take them, as I get older I started to notice that I don't heal well, a simple scratch from my cat still has scar tissue 2 months later, that is why I say to take the meds, you can get in to a circle of seeing no real effect from the meds on the tissue damage and that triggers more anxiety but you are mending, its just slow. Just let the drugs and body do their work and try not to dwell on it, its hard but just by letting us know its showing you care as do we. If you are getting down and want a chat then please feel free to drop us an email and I'm sure that offer extends from all of us....We don't like seeing one of our own in a bad way so you rest and take things day by day, try and keep positive. Paul.. Thanks Paul I know how much you have been going through, not good either. I've been fighting depression for far too long also... I have been taking Zinc and multi-mineral pills to help rebuild my immune system (helps skin healing too)... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtariGeezer Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 On 10/18/2020 at 4:51 PM, Allan said: Best wishes, AtariGeezer. When you first said you cut your leg I knew it was going to be one of those stories where you do some small (you think) but it turns out not to be. I tend to be that way with myself. 'Tiss just scratch' until your body tells you otherwise. I hope you have a speedy and un-eventful recovery moving forward. Thank you Allen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtariGeezer Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 On 10/19/2020 at 6:06 AM, E474 said: Hi, I did a quick Google on Park Therapy, and there's a lot of hits that have nothing to do with what I meant. What I meant is explained here https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-44097-3 - basically spending 2 or more hours in a municipal park (or similar) per week is good for you in lots of ways, it doesn't matter if that's 12 * 10 minute visits, or 1 * 2 hour visit, it's just the cumulative time per week. Time in your own garden (if you have one), isn't supposed to be the same, as you can end up looking at work you have to do sometime, which won't be the case in a park. I actually tried this out a year or so ago (I count myself as a scientist, so thought it would be an interesting experiment), and think there is something in it, and as it is free and unlikely to do any harm, I would recommend giving it a try. Sorry if I am spamming the list with this, it's way off any 8-bit topic, but I thought it was worth clarifying what I meant. Thanks for the thought, but when you have extreme anxiety, it's like having all the negative thoughts of 100 minds all at once, you don't want to sit still for one second because it drives you mad/crazy. Talking, walking or going for a long ride on the motorcycle doesn't help. Being alone with all those thoughts isn't a good thing, you just want to die... Only thing that helped for a few hours was to go to a massage parlor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtariGeezer Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 22 hours ago, Sugarland said: Please get well! You can do it! You bet! Gotta keep those positive thoughts 12 hours ago, erichenneke said: Best wishes. If you drink coffee or tea or softdrinks, try cutting your caffeine intake by half. I was amazed how much I could eliminate almost all hints of panic attacks by managing and adjusting my caffiene intake. Also, the Atari community and/or Atari projects are a great way to occupy your mind so your body can heal with less stress. Take care. I love ATR tools. Eric Sent from my E6533 using Tapatalk Exactly I stopped drinking caffeinated products when the anxiety started... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtariGeezer Posted October 20, 2020 Author Share Posted October 20, 2020 And I should mention That I wouldn't wish this mental problem on anyone, not even tschak909 After we get our next $timulus check, I'll buy the latest fujinet board and test my code on it, already have it ported to platform.io ... Also want to get the new Side3 cart as well... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
www.atarimania.com Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 Get well and stay positive! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacobus Posted October 20, 2020 Share Posted October 20, 2020 Take care Jay and get well soon! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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