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Dumb crap in video games

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Figured it’d be fun to lightheartedly gripe about all the stupid crap in video games we have to put up with, roll our eyes and just accept “that’s just how it is, I suppose.”   

 

In games, books, movies, etc, we all have to suspend belief a bit to allow for things to “just be” in that world.  Sorcery, demons, super strength, saving worlds with the power of friendship – things like that are just part of the world they’ve created, no matter how over the top.  But I’m kind of curious to see what you guys consider to be “dumb crap” that really just doesn’t make any sense, other than our real world limitations like tech, budget, and such.   Things like –

 

 

1)    Character can jump 10 feet in the air and/or parkour all over the place, but is stopped dead in tracks by a 2 feet high wall
2)    Being chosen by the King to “save our world from ultimate destruction,” but you have to scrap enough $$$ to buy your own sword, pay for your own food, pay for you stay at the inn, etc
3)    Fast travel from A to C is not allowed at this moment, because of a pending cut scene near B
4)    Shop Owners don’t mind that I just smashed all their furniture hoping to find something
5)    That character just demolished an entire army in that cut scene, I’ll add him to my party.  Suddenly, he can’t defeat a level 1 rat.
6)    12 members in my party, but only 3 can fight at a time.
 

 

Whatcha got to add?

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1 hour ago, TheDevil'sCompass said:

Double Jump - at the height of your jump, press jump again to jump higher or further.

 

I don't really mind unrealistic mechanics if that's the premise of the game. I don't think of Arthur from Ghost N Goblins series as a real person, so whatever he does is fine by me. But it's when it's inconsistent that I'm bothered by the gameplay. Something closer to OP's 2 ft. wall issue.

 

I also really, really, really hate bad dialogue and voice acting. "You spoony bard!" is funny in retrospect, but "die monster!" just makes me cringe.

 

Never cared for games that forced you to rely on memory where there is absolutely no way of progressing without doing so. Basically, cheap shots and blind jumps are really aggravating. I don't mind having a game where of course it's easier if you memorize the layout, but every move should be at least theoretically predictable. Killing someone because they guessed wrong but had no information about which would be right is just lazy game design.

 

Starting from the mid-90s with the N64, I also can't stand childish, annoying sound effects. I remember selling Super Mario Bros 3 for the GBA not long after I got it, because the Mario 64 hollers were just too annoying. And who can stand that damn fairy in all the post-Link to the Past Zelda games? Big turn off for me.

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Posted (edited)

In the Allied assault's training stage, the drill sergeant is talking about PC keys to a soldier who doesn't know what he's talking about.

COD1 had a much better version but If I were a soldier and a gun disappeared the moment I touched it, I'd be freaked out.

 

I will never be able to beat ristar because the third stage requires perfect memory. You have to memorize a number sequence at one point, and if you get it wrong, you get hit.

Stupidest POS stage i've ever played, right up there with Superman 64 

 

Your dad only gives you $100 or $50 to buy supplies when an army is knocking on your door.

RNG that ensures you will die in one hit regardless of your level (Looking at you Shining Force)

Edited by Frozone212
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Bionic Commando, where I get you can't jump due to the super arm, but wtf not being able to walk over a knee high or less block?  Really?!  I guess white men can't jump.

 

How about Alex Kidd and select few others 80s games with idiotic boss fights that are basically jan ken pon (rock paper scissors) and if you don't get lucky and win, you lose a life, then another...doesn't matter if you're great at the game, you die because...luck?

 

Invisible walls to keep someone in an area, despite it clearly not being marked as such so you're running/walking along and ...bump... why?!  Have some actual talent and create a barrier that fits in and makes sense.

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Backtracking, boss parades, and other artificial ways to extend a game's length.

It was somewhat ok in the 80's and 90's where we kind of welcomed added length to our games, because most of us weren't rich and wanted to get our money's worth from the few games that we bought and owned.

 

I also loathe long and involved boss fights.
Gears of War and Lost Planet are perfect examples of this.  Love the core gameplay, but damn, the boss fights just drag down the flow.  This even applies in Horde Mode where I dread having to encounter that annoying Flock boss.  Meh.

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Games that punish you. Like Kaboom. You loose a bucket and it just makes it harder. And harder. Till you lose.

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- Bowling balls in the Back to the Future NES game when there weren't any in the films :lolblue: .. that's dumb lol,although in general I actually like the game.

 

- Games without continues are really dumb,especially the difficult games.

 

- Games that take a longtime to beat but have dumb short endings(i.e.,Revenge of Shinobi,Ghostbusters,etc)..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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7 hours ago, Tanooki said:

How about Alex Kidd and select few others 80s games with idiotic boss fights that are basically jan ken pon (rock paper scissors) and if you don't get lucky and win, you lose a life, then another...doesn't matter if you're great at the game, you die because...luck?

 

 

What's really funny about Alex Kidd in Miracle World is they weren't even random.  Just jot down what they chose and never lose a life to them again during subsequent playthroughs.  Not sure if its like this in the other games.

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Escort missions - when you're escorting some idiot that won't keep up and you have to continually slowdown or go back to keep near them. They perpetually put you in danger by allowing more enemies to spawn or catch up because their AI is stupid, or their pace is too slow.

 

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In every Uncharted game and similar games like some of the Tomb Raiders:

 

You are racing against some rich person to find a legendary treasure.  The rich person has the means to have an unlimited army of well-armed henchmen.   Pro-tip:  if you weren't paying for huge private armies in the first place, maybe you wouldn't need to find legendary treasures to fund them? :)

 

Despite the fact that the protagonist has no armor whatsoever and limited ammo,  he/she is able to single handedly take down every one of these military-trained tough guys, but when they encounter the rich guy at various points in the game, they can barely lay a scratch on them.

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Side quests during "urgent situations."

 

In one of the newer Batman games, I thought it was funny that a hostage was strapped to a chair or something, about to die, I'm "racing" to save them, but somehow got distracted chasing down Riddler puzzles.  But that's ok... they waited patiently.

 

Along those lines -- the world is about to end so we have to get to "wherever" and retrieve "whatever" before Big Bad does, or we're all doomed.  But yeah, I'll take a few mins to collect your missing chickens, collect the scattered pages from your cookbook, and whoa... is that a new fishing hole I see?  Day booked!

 

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Posted (edited)

 

Realism is the last thing I look for in a video game. One reason I have so much fun playing games is that they offer scenarios that could never occur in real life. Activities that are more fun off the screen, like playing a sport or driving, aren't as compelling in game form (to me) as fictional or abstract situations are. In graphical terms, I even prefer beautifully blocky pixel shapes to detailed photorealism.

 

With that disclaimer out of the way, I'll contribute the situation in which a vehicle does the perfectly sensible and logical thing when it runs out of fuel: It explodes.

 

And, of course, let's not forget the odd character who can jump ten times his own height and land without breaking his legs, hurl red-hot fireballs around his immediate area with just his hands, repeatedly bump his head against scenery, and run across fire with the proper shoes...

 

...but just never happened to learn how to swim.

 

 

 

Edited by Chris+++
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Despite spending a lot of time outdoors and in the wild, I have been attacked by a songbird (pets not included) four times in my life and by a swan or goose twice; bitten by a spider maybe a handful of times despite being an arachnophile who lives happily with dozens of them; stung by a bee maybe once and a hornet twice; never ever harmed by a crow, a raven, a fish, a snake, a shark, a bat, a mouse, a rat, or a goat. 
 

SO WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS THE DEFAULT BAD GUYS?????

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2 hours ago, Chris+++ said:

Realism is the last thing I look for in a video game. One reason I have so much fun playing games is that they offer scenarios that could never occur in real life.

True enough. The more real-life the graphics look, the more real-life the behavior has to become. I would argue that flight sims are looking better and better with each generation.

 

But yes. I like the abstract art and representations of characters with lower resolution graphics because it leaves room for your imagination to play along too.

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On 5/15/2022 at 12:04 AM, Rhomaios said:

I also really, really, really hate bad dialogue and voice acting. "You spoony bard!" is funny in retrospect, but "die monster!" just makes me cringe.

And who can stand that damn fairy in all the post-Link to the Past Zelda games?

I cannot even guess how many times my wife and I have quoted Vlad’s monologue* to each other, or said “Hey! Link! Listen!” Those gave me great joy. I have probably had enough of Charles Martinot for one lifetime, though, God rest his soul.

 

* To be fair, though, I think Dracula made a lot of good points in his monologue and I would like to subscribe to his Substack.

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I personally think the translated dialog in C:SOTN is absolutely perfect, and brings to mind the dialog in some of the Hammer Dracula movies.

 

---

 

On topic:

 

I can't stand when characters that have to grunt or yell every time they jump, swing a sword, punch, etc.  That's a good way to tire yourself out!

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Poor steering. Doesn’t matter if it’s a bike that oversteers, like in Crash 3’s racing levels, or a dragon that understeers, like in Lair or Dragon Rage. Poor steering ruins otherwise fun levels or games.

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9 hours ago, Chris+++ said:

And, of course, let's not forget the odd character who can jump ten times his own height and land without breaking his legs, hurl red-hot fireballs around his immediate area with just his hands, repeatedly bump his head against scenery, and run across fire with the proper shoes...

 

...but just never happened to learn how to swim.

What do you mean? Mario definitely swims in his games. At least 1, 3, Super, and 64. Did that change later?

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1 hour ago, Rhomaios said:

What do you mean? Mario definitely swims in his games. At least 1, 3, Super, and 64. Did that change later?

I don’t get the comment either. Mario has swum in every game.

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16 hours ago, Razzie.P said:

In one of the newer Batman games, I thought it was funny that a hostage was strapped to a chair or something, about to die, I'm "racing" to save them, but somehow got distracted chasing down Riddler puzzles.  But that's ok... they waited patiently.

That happens in a lot of games actually, but I remember clearly having noticed it... in a Batman game too. 🤣

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Rhomaios said:

What do you mean? Mario definitely swims in his games. At least 1, 3, Super, and 64. Did that change later?

Even if the description fits Mario (except the "run across fire with the proper shoes" afaik), I don't think he was specifically talking about him.

 

I'm currently playing Deathloop and the water instantly kills you too, which is very strange but the game takes place on an island and I think they didn't want players to use the surrounding sea to avoid confrontation.

Edited by roots.genoa
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