50 Thrift-Shop Rules (About Classic Gaming)

[A_Username]

I snagged this in some random newsgroup a while back, I thought it was kinda funny. Most of these actually have happened to me and the other seem pretty true. I am aware that Kevin Horton also found this on Usenet or something.

 

From: [email protected] (BenJohnson)

Subject: 50 Thrift-Shop Rules (By request)

 

I've gotten quite a few requests for a re-post, so why not? It's not

*that* bad!

I re-read it, and I have to admit, I sure was in a demented mood! Wheee!

 

 

*

*

* Ben Johnson's Incomplete Guide to Thrift-Shops

* with help from Brian Hammack

****************

The Rules of The Game:

 

#1 You are always arrive ten minutes too late for the best

selection and you always leave ten minutes too early, missing the

shelves being restocked.

 

#2 Resist the temptation to buy the underwear. (I'm still

scratching)

 

#3 If you find a phone number and name scratched into a cartridge, its

an invitation to call. Say your name is Mr. McGoo, and listen to the

screams of terror.

 

#4 If your in the crowd waiting for the store opening, shout `hey

it's Bob Ross' and point far away toward something bushy. You'll

have the store to yourself.

 

#5 A gentleman will never accept free sex and will never run to

the cart section. Don't be a gentleman.

 

#6 Cartridges are priced based on size and not on quality: Atari 400/800

bit carts are cheap and 5200 carts are expensive.

 

#7 Don't make eye contact with anybody in the bathroom.

 

#8 You will have less money than you need, by either a whole

dollar amount when you're with people or by a few cents when

you're alone. (h)

 

#9 Use a multitester to quickly find the rare aluminum-foil Combat

label variation. Sure nobody will talk to you, but you got the

little voices to keep you company.

 

#10 It's not your eyesight, the food in the cafeteria dances to

it's own drummer.

 

#11 Wear tight leathers and shove carts down your pants. Trust me,

*nobody* will ask for them back.

 

#12 If you find a really nice cart, it's usually un-priced and

gets thrown into the `to be priced' bin, never to be seen again.

 

#13 If you find a great cart but are devoid of cash, stash it in the

macrame/quilt section. Nobody will ever look there....

 

#14 Check the macrame/quilt section for stashed carts.

 

#15 If you meet another collector, confidently buy all the Combat

carts and make him think that you know something he doesn't.

 

#16 Refrain from bathing for a few days, then use a Combat cart as

a deodorant stick and put it back on the shelf. That'll scare the

competition.

 

#17 The cart is at full price now, but will be gone when the half-

price sale comes along in three days. (h)

 

#18 `she said she was 18' is no excuse...oh sorry, wrong list.

 

#19 If you buy a system, pop a cart into the slot. Most likely

they checkout people will never notice it.

 

#20 While nobodys looking, shuffle across the carpet, building a

static charge, then zap the Case the Chuckwagon cart that you

don't have money for.

 

#21 They throw out working Vectrex's because they think they're

broken TV's.

 

#22 Unfortunately a thrift-store date doesn't impress as much as

the Monster Truck Rally date would.

 

#23 If the price for each cart is 61 cents, present the carts to

the checkout lady upside-down. (bad results are obtained with 19

cent carts)

 

#24 Make little houses out of the unsold carts and put little toys

inside. He he he haaaaaa.

 

#25 Don't make fun of the other shoppers, especially the fat

Elvis-seeing ladies, they might sit on you.

 

#26 If you tell someone you'll pick something up for them, the

item will have disappeared by the next day. (h)

 

#27 Sneak behind the counter and use the store-wide megaphone. `A

free loaf of Velveta for everyone who kisses the bathroom door-

knob' is fun to watch.

 

#28 Buy a $.99 Sega Light Gun: If you shove it in your front

trouser pocket, you look well endowed. ( Don't point it at Police

Officers )

 

#29 At the checkout stand, count the carts for the checker. 1, 2,

3, 4, 5, 6, 7......Five carts.

 

#30 The person in front of you in the checkout line is buying the

cool carts you just missed.

 

#31 If you just want the overlays, stuff them into a paperback,

then buy it.

 

#32 Drool a lot. Sometimes you get a ten percent discount.

 

#33 You won't have your VGR onhand when you come across a trove,

thus you will buy a bunch of C's or U's and leave the R's and ER's

behind (then they'll be gone the next time you're in, having

perused the list immediately after you got home). (h)

 

#34 For prompt service just say in a calm and collected tone: I'm

from the post office.

 

#35 If you see Vectrex carts but no unit, prepare to make a

midnight prowl of the dumpsters. Just remember that the tapioca

pudding you may find is not fit for consumption.

 

#36 The more the label is worth to you, the higher the likelihood

that the previous owner used the cart as a coffee coaster. (h)

 

#37 Remember, someone's dead grandmother knitted that afghan that

you are about to buy for your doghouse.

 

#38 Sometimes your knowledge lies. Everyone talks about wanting

Stampede but no one will buy it when you find a copy to sell. (h)

 

#39 See how many people you can get `Pac-Man Fever' stuck in their

heads. If that doesn't work `test' a stereo with a Jackson Five cassette

for a few hours.

 

#40 Carts neatly arranged in rows, end labels up, separated by

system type in the bins will not stay that way, though there is no

logical reason why anyone would have to pull them out and lay them

randomly in whatever bins. (h)

 

#41 Most Atari carts are intuitive creatures: the more you want

one, the better they hide. Combat carts, lacking this ability, are

readily found.

 

#42 Tell the confused lady behind the checkout stand that the

carts are actually 8-tracks and cost only $0.19

 

#43 Fill you arms with goodies, and walk confidently out the door.

Nine out of ten, it works for me.

 

#44 The mops in the houseware section when properly stained make a

great addition to a Milli Vanilli costume.

 

#45 The time spent riding city busses to get to the store is inversely

proportional to the quality of the carts found. (h)

 

#46 Beware of bad eye-hand coordination: Upon finding a rare cart,

you'll quickly grab it, only to realize, at the checkout, that you grabbed the Pong cart right next it. See rule #30 for the predictable result.

#47 Never gloat, it may spur someone else to visit your store more

frequently.

 

#48 When you first organize your collection, you'll realize that half

you collection is comprised of duplicate carts. Of course the duplicates

aren't ER's or anything.

 

#49 There's nothing like lurking from clothing island to clothing

island, all the while avoiding your family.

 

#50 Wear gloves when rummaging through piles of stuff at a thrift

store, you never know where it's been.....

 

I hope you enjoyed this feel free to post up comments.

 

A_Username

[Classic Pac]

Very funny

[Ghost Soldier]

Very nice rules to go by how about someone adding some more

 

#51 If your buying a boxed lot for a set price throw some other goodies in and none the wiser.

[Scumdogg]

As for rule #20, if you come across Chase the Chuckwagon in a thrift store and you don't have enough money, i'm pretty sure you're authorized by collector law to steal it.

[A_Username]

As for rule #20, if you come across Chase the Chuckwagon in a thrift store and you don't have enough money, i'm pretty sure you're authorized by collector law to steal it.

 

Right you are.

[Video]

52 If there's a rare cart you want, just swipe the sticker off the combat, the checker person doesn't know what any of the stuff is actually marked for, or worth anyways.

 

LOL I particularly li8k these two...

 

 

#13 If you find a great cart but are devoid of cash, stash it in the

macrame/quilt section. Nobody will ever look there....

 

#14 Check the macrame/quilt section for stashed carts.

[shadow460]

53: Don't buy Chase the Chuckwagon. The last collector that didn't have enough money for it probably zapped it.

 

I agree with wearing gloves. I've found some very nasty stuff for sale in thrift shops. I've come home with everything from clothes that had hidden tears and stains to computers that are full of mouse poop.

Hey, I got a great deal on a working PC! You guys didn't know what you were selling. Ha, ha, suckers!

[madhatter667]

That whole aluminum foil label thing is where I originally got the idea that there is a hard to find Combat cart variant. I do not know if that is just a joke or what, as all Combats I have seen ion rarity guides are all common, but I don't think that it included anything but picture and text label.

 

I agree that if you find a Chase the Cuckwagon, and don't have the money, you are obliged to liberate it from the shelves.

[christianscott27]

#21 They throw out working Vectrex's because they think they're

broken TV's.

 

you know that actually happens! Keep asking for the "little black TV"

[shadow460]

Actually, if you find a rare cart of any kind, chances are it'll be priced under $5. Go out to your car, run to the house, or beat some dude up and take his wallet.

Now you've got the money to buy the game!

[madhatter667]

Hmm... looks like I'll have to ask around at the thrifts about little black TVs. As far as I know, I am the only collector here... as I have not run across anyone else in my current area who's into it as deep. I could use a second Vectrex for no other reason than having a backup unit.

[Dusk2600]

hell ill take a second vectrex unit while were on the topic

Edited October 15, 2006 by Dusk2600

[youngskywalker]

#12 If you find a really nice cart, it's usually un-priced and

gets thrown into the `to be priced' bin, never to be seen again.

 

This has happened to me,

When I found a Saturn memory cart (made in england)

I almost liberated it, but I went to catholic school,

so I asked for a price, came back a couple days later.

They could'nt find it.

[Atariman]

55: If you see a boxed game sitting on the shelf, stop kidding yourself. The game isn't in the box. Somebody stole it and tried to sell it to a pawn shop.

 

56: The box from #55 will not be given to you by the thrift store employee. They will insist that the game is here somewhere (despite your having looked for it for a full 10 minutes in all sections of the store). The box will be set aside and thrown away in two days.

 

57: Forget about the box.

[Video]

55: If you see a boxed game sitting on the shelf, stop kidding yourself. The game isn't in the box. Somebody stole it and tried to sell it to a pawn shop.

 

56: The box from #55 will not be given to you by the thrift store employee. They will insist that the game is here somewhere (despite your having looked for it for a full 10 minutes in all sections of the store). The box will be set aside and thrown away in two days.

 

57: Forget about the box.

 

That's actually happened to me, what really sucked, is that very soon after that, I got the game from a lot buy on Ebay, now I have a game, with no box, just cause they ddin't watn to sell it to me (or give it to me)

 

I'm still looking for a box to the pirate version of river raid.

[+FujiSkunk]

Actually there have been plenty of times where I've found a box without a game, and they've been nice enough to sell it to me anyway. One time it even happened at Goodwill (this was several years ago, to be sure). I still had to pay full price in that instance, but it was still worth it to me. At other places they've given me the boxes for next to nothing.

 

I'm just lucky, I guess.

[A.J. Franzman]

I'm still looking for a box to the pirate version of river raid.

 

THE pirate version of River Raid? I think that's the second most pirated 2600 game, after Enduro. There must be over a dozen versions, and good luck in getting the correct box for your version!

Edited October 12, 2006 by A.J. Franzman

[madhatter667]

I once found a box for Blood Omen PC, and desperately hoped that someone didn't gank the game from the store. Apparently someone had... which is a bummer. The price wasn't bad, and would have made a fun addition to the collection. While not big on PC games, I really like Blood Omen... it's probably one of my favourite early era PSX games.

 

There's hot women that work in thrift stores?

[Video]

I'm still looking for a box to the pirate version of river raid.

 

THE pirate version of River Raid? I think that's the second most pirated 2600 game, after Enduro. There must be over a dozen versions, and good luck in getting the correct box for your version!

 

Well, I'm aware that there's lots of them, and I'm not interested inc ollecting them all, but when I do get a game, I do like to try to get it completed. Maybe I collect backwards or something

 

But thanks to the use of the internet, I did manage to track down the box, and the cart, and could Identify that the box the place had, was the box for my version of the cart. It's an odd cart, cause it's square, rather than rectangle like most Atari carts. Of course, now I have several carts like that, but anyhow, it was unuseual at the time.

[A_Username]

Very nice rules to go by how about someone adding some more

 

#51 If your buying a boxed lot for a set price throw some other goodies in and none the wiser.

 

WOW, forgot to check this topic for posts. I've done that with some He-Man stuff and Atari Stuff.

[A_Username]

#21 They throw out working Vectrex's because they think they're

broken TV's.

 

you know that actually happens! Keep asking for the "little black TV"

 

Throwing out Vectrex's is a mortal sin.