10 Lamest Game Consoles, Ever

[Albert]

Article at GameDaily:

 

http://www.gamedaily.com/features/?id=1175

 

The Lynx and Jaguar both make the list..

 

..Al

[Lord Thag]

Heh. Someone forgot to add Mattel's glorious new Hyperscan

[2600Lives]

Both the Saturn and the 3DO got on there?

 

Worst. List. Ever.

 

The 3DO is pretty much the system that showed the world that CD was a perfectly viable format for gaming. Sure, it was expensive as hell and many of the games stunk, but there were some TRUE gems to be found, too. I personally love my 3DO and it sees much play around my house.

 

The Saturn, too? Bah! Bad marketing and idiots behind the wheel don't make for a bad system. Games make for a bad system, and the Saturn will NEVER be accused of having bad games. In fact, many of the games on the Saturn were superior to their Playstation counterparts in many ways. Again, a system that sees a lot of play around my pad.

[Uzumaki]

WHAT??? No game.com?????

 

Time to form a lynch mob. I'll get feather and tar, who has a rope made into hangman's noose? Flame torch and pitchfork optional but strongly suggested.

[Foxsolo2000]

Love the way he doesn't actually say anything of interest, just villifies systems that he obvisoulsy dislikes with a passion

[AEX]

Check out Scott Steinberg's, the lamest game article, ever.

 

That was by far, some of the worst "journalism" I've read... today. Yet, you should still pick up a Jaguar and play Tempest 2000 on this lame old console.

 

Thanks Scott, now have you any advice on the current equity market options this quarter, 'cos your obviosuly very clever...

 

 

Karl

[Student Driver]

I know top-ten lists are designed to provoke "debate" from people who invariably disagree with the authors' picks. So, I hate to call myself a sucker and dive in, but here are my comments on the list...

 

10- Virtual Boy. I like the VB, but I can see why it would make the list. It WAS a flop. A flop predicted way in advance by gaming fans and the press.

 

9- Gizmondo. Yeah, I can agree with this one on the list. I still want one, though.

 

8- Saturn. I think the author does the system a disservice by omitting the Saturn's continued cult popularity in Europe and the US, and its relative success in Japan.

 

7- Action Max. *sigh* Another author perpetuating the idea that this device is a video game console. It's not. Yes it sucked, but it doesn't belong on this list.

 

6- CDi. The author takes the same easy-insult route every other author does by bringing up the Nintendo-character games. That's like the cheap-shot jabs at ET every author takes when writing about the 2600. Would have been better to mention a library that largely depends on an expensive DVC (on top of the expensive system price), and/or the fact that marketing focused so heavily on the home-education angle that they couldn't drag gamers to the platform. (Hey! We can learn about flowers! Paintings at the Prado!)

 

5- N-Gage. A few accurate comments, but they sum up the system's library by only mentioning Tomb Raider and Tony Hawk, then dismissing the entire library as outdated. Misleading. I think marketing reasons and the generally bad design of the original system should be enough.

 

4- Lynx. The sole reason this is on the list? Battery life. Good f'ing God. The Game Gear, Nomad, Turbo Express were worse. Considering these were the first color handhelds ever, the fact that they got any usable time out of the batteries without resorting to D-cells is amazing. (It's always a mistake to judge a system historically by modern standards, anyways. Why not mention the fact that Atari blew their marketing for the Lynx?)

 

3- 32X. Yeah. Pretty spot on. They could have mentioned the system's flakiness, too.

 

2- 3DO. Again, pretty spot on. They are kind to the system, mourning only the bad timing of its introduction.

 

1- Jaguar. What a quick dismissal of the system. Unlike the 3DO and Lynx, they ignore the system's actual merits and sometimes impressive specs. And they recommend enjoying Tempest 2000 only "for irony's sake." Sorry, a good game on a system that by specs is capable of delivering good games is not "irony." Considering the focus on marketing/failure in the marketplace for most of the other entries, if the author wanted to include the Jag, he could have-- should have-- written about that for the Jag as well.

 

Summation: why this is labeled "lamest consoles" is beyond me; the author mostly attacks bad marketing, not bad systems, and in at least a couple of cases, pretty much praises the systems (and their games) he's listing. Inconsistent standards all 'round-- some are indeed "lame," some were worthwhile but neglected, etc.

 

As mentioned, he's missing the Hyperscan. I'm also wondering where the Tiger game.com is-- a notorious flop that's new enough to catch the attention of non-historian gamers. An historical perspective could have noted the RCA Studio II, and (though I enjoy it) a case could be made for the Microvision-- pitiful support by MB, practically useless screen resolution, a screen that self-destructed, and engineering that left the system prone to death from mild shock.

[Mayhem]

Was going to say, there's nothing there that is actually very old. Action Max was about the furthest back he went...? And yes, putting the Saturn in there, bad move space cadet

[Cybergoth]

I'd probably replace the Saturn with the Odyssey 2 (because I like the Saturn) and the Action Max with the Intellivision (because the Intellivision *is* a game console ), but other than that...

[Flojomojo]

Scott Steinberg is an idiot. Let's just get that out of the way. This is just a list of the machines he played and didn't like. The use of the term "ever" implies that he has a clue and has played a lot of different machines over the years, but it's clear that he did not. This oldest thing on this list is the Atari Lynx, but there were plenty of lame consoles prior to 1989.

 

Agreed that this dismissal of the Saturn profoundly misses the point of this cult favorite. Turbo Grafx 16 was clearly "lamer" than the Saturn (not that one should pick on TG-16).

 

The Lynx had a great library and unique hardware, and was anything but lame, especially when it was new. The monochrome GameBoy was truly lame, but no one picks on it because of the sanctity of Nintendo.

 

The 3DO was a revolutionary publishing model and had a lot of innovative releases. It's main sin was coming out too soon at too high a price. In the right hands, it could have been the Playstation of that era.

 

The Jaguar is just everyone's whipping boy. Yes, it was kind of lame, especially when you consider that games like Checkered Flag and WMCJ were asking $70 at retail. It also had some untapped potential, which shone through once in a while, as the author notes.

 

Hyperscan, ChannelF, Microvision, Game.Com, Pico, Pippin ... the obscure market losers might have made for a more interesting story.

 

Failing that, why not pick on the rest of the B-list of video gaming, like the Sega Master System, the Odyssey 2, the Atari 7800, etc?

 

Or better yet -- why not make lists that aren't whiny and negative?

[MCHufnagel]

There are a lot of factors that can make a console lame. It could be the libary, the controllers, the game format or other factors. With this in mind, here is my list:

Studio II, Microvision, Game.com and now Hyperscan- just plain bad

I bought a Arcadia 2001 this summer for cheap and I'm glad it was really cheap! It is pretty lame.

I also have a 32X, some good games but since the concept was lame, so is the console.

The CDi is lame, very high amount of poor games.

The Virtual Boy - an interesting concept, but poor execution - LAME

The 5200, it has poor controllers and really what could the 5200 do that the 8 bits couldn't do better?

Saturn - I just received one and it is fun. But when many of the best games were import only or needed a peripheral to work properly, not good. Sure this may seperate the hardcore from the casuals, but doesn't make for a successful console.

 

I'm sure I'll get plenty of negative feedback on including the 5200 and the Saturn. But this is just my opinion.

[Tempest]

This is just a list of the machines he played and didn't like

 

Excatly.

 

The 5200, it has poor controllers and really what could the 5200 do that the 8 bits couldn't do better?

 

I'll fight you on that one. I actually like the 5200 stick, and it's two buttons make some games much easier to play. Of course I'd be lying if I said that there are some games that are just must easier to play on the 8-bit.

 

 

You want lame consoles? How about:

 

Apple Pippin

CDTV

Studio II

Channel F

VIS

R-Zone

 

 

Tempest

[Flojomojo]

The problem with a list like this is that the REAL failures are things we never heard of. Almost everything on this list will have some fans, since most survived or succeeded in the marketplace, at least long enough to get a few pieces of software made.

[Inky]

LYNX, Inky's opinion -- I challenge anyone to find a better lineup, or good / bad game ratio on any other system. Good god, when I had a lynx, I was playing that thing constantly! There is no other better version of Rampart for any console or computer. Puzzle games shined on it, as well as most arcade titles. S.T.U.N. Runner was a blast to play, and surprisingly the LYNX hardware handled it well.

 

The author of the article doesn't just need a clue. He needs a brain.

[EmOneGarand]

 

 

You want lame consoles? How about:

 

Apple Pippin

CDTV

Studio II

Channel F

VIS

R-Zone

 

 

Tempest

you can't pick on the R-Zone, it's an LCD GAME "CONSOLE".. comparing it to other game consoles is rather unfair.

 

Gotta give the Channel F some credit, it did bring cartridge gaming to the industry.

Edited November 15, 2006 by EmOneGarand

[EmOneGarand]

hmm.. you all make complaints about what this guy wrote yet your doing the same thing, I don't know why you all have to be so hard on the Game.com.. I loved the Game.com, now it's no gameboy and the games could have been programmed alot better BUT RE2 for the Game.com was amazing, what did Gameboy get? RE Gaiden.

 

And.. don't be so quick to bash the Hyperscan, the system has only just entered the market. Wait till they pull the plug before you call it a total failure.

[Atarifever]

 

 

5- N-Gage. A few accurate comments, but they sum up the system's library by only mentioning Tomb Raider and Tony Hawk, then dismissing the entire library as outdated. Misleading. I think marketing reasons and the generally bad design of the original system should be enough.

 

Good point. The last year/ year and a half of releases were absolutely stellar. The original properties were all awesome, and, if it had launched with it's later games first, everyone would have a different opinion of the system. Sure, it would almost certainly have failed as a handheld gaming system anyway, but it would get at least the respect of the GameGear or PSP.

 

The saddest part about the N-Gage is that they did do everything right; they just did it all too late. If they had launched with Pocket Kingdom and the first Pathway to Glory, the QD model, and had went with their later "the gamer's phone" campaign, I think it would have been an out and out success as a great handheld product (it just wouldn't have been in the same market as the Gameboy). Instead, they launched with the taco, some mediocre ports, and a "we're going to kill Nintendo" message.

Edited November 15, 2006 by Atarifever

[MCHufnagel]

hmm.. you all make complaints about what this guy wrote yet your doing the same thing, I don't know why you all have to be so hard on the Game.com.. I loved the Game.com, now it's no gameboy and the games could have been programmed alot better BUT RE2 for the Game.com was amazing, what did Gameboy get? RE Gaiden.

 

And.. don't be so quick to bash the Hyperscan, the system has only just entered the market. Wait till they pull the plug before you call it a total failure.

Well we are talking about lame consoles. And the way the Hyperscan is right now does make it seem lame.

 

Being unsuccessful does make more people feel that a console is lame. I was thinking about including the Jaguar instead of the Saturn, but seeing how the Jag board is, I thought better of it. The original Gameboy hardware wasn't spectaculiar, but it was so successful that it spawned even better children and it's family tree has owned the handheld market for years. But if it would have flamed out due to the Lynx and Game Gear it would likely be considerd lame.

Edited November 15, 2006 by MCHufnagel

[Bill Brasky]

 

Saturn - I just received one and it is fun. But when many of the best games were import only or needed a peripheral to work properly, not good. Sure this may seperate the hardcore from the casuals, but doesn't make for a successful console.

 

The best Saturn games aren't imports. This is just something you read and are regurgitating.

[Tempest]

Gotta give the Channel F some credit, it did bring cartridge gaming to the industry.

 

Actually I think the VideoBrain may have beaten them to the punch by a few months. I need to check some dates...

 

Tempest

[anagrama]

The Amstrad GX4000 and the Interton VC4000 (or any of it's numerous clones) are weaker than almost every other system mentioned so far in this thread.

[anagrama]

Oh, and the Soundicvision/other SD-2xx clones are probably worth a mention too.

Or maybe not, seeing as only about half-a-dozen people in Scandanavia ever bought one

Edited November 15, 2006 by anagrama

[jsoper]

Surprised no one has mentioned Nuon yet. Being able to count the game library on your fingers is never a good thing.

[MCHufnagel]

 

Saturn - I just received one and it is fun. But when many of the best games were import only or needed a peripheral to work properly, not good. Sure this may seperate the hardcore from the casuals, but doesn't make for a successful console.

 

The best Saturn games aren't imports. This is just something you read and are regurgitating.

Um, I said many, not all. I like shooters and many really good shooters were Japanese only, also only the first part of Shining Force 3 made it out of Japan. I also like 2d fighters. Many of the best 2d fighters required an extra RAM cart. I also like RPG's and the internal memory isn't big enough for mutiple games, so you need a memory cart. And then if you want to play Nights, you really do need the 3d pad.

 

Like I said, you need to import games and buy peripherals to get the most out of the system.

Edited November 15, 2006 by MCHufnagel

[+FujiSkunk]

Lamest system ever?

 

Easy.

 

The Phantom.