The stupidest Atari game ever?

[Krytol]

Pepsi Invaders.

[Chris++]

Stupidest, you say? Besides Amidar and Coconuts (which was, for all you trivia buffs, supposed to be one-third of a much bigger game)? Well, you asked for it...

 

BOBBY IS GOING HOME (Puzzy/Bit)

Waste-matter. Don't bother collecting imports, kiddos. They all suck. This one's especially revolting. Picture Coleco's Smurf with slow, bumbling movement and recurrent immobile obstacles. It's still worse than you're imagining.

 

 

CONGO BONGO (Sega)

Swill. The opposite of addictive. The antithesis of innovation. The original was no good to begin with; it proffered one of many attempts to cash in on the climbing craze started by Donkey Kong. Embarrassingly askew from the concept of genre progression, the developers tried to combine the Mario and Zaxxon ideas and wound up building the whole game around a so-called 3-D perspective that, far from being an actual twist on the "get to the top" motif, merely made the mechanics cumbersome.

 

It's especially bad on the 2600. What spare charm the visuals have in the coin-op version is missing in this apparent imitation of a graphics crash.

 

 

FAST EDDIE (Sirius/Fox)

I could simulate this game just by smashing myself in the head a few times with a clothing iron and then playing Apollo's Infiltrate. The 8-bit version was nothing special to begin with, but at least it felt nice to jump around and grab prizes. The physics have been obliterated; Fast Eddie has evidently switched from amphetamines to beer. He can't run, can't jump and doesn't respond very quickly when you're trying to make him climb a ladder. An utter failure in the computer-to-console translation department.

 

 

FIRE FIGHTER (Imagic)

Is there a point in trying to do well at an action game that doesn't try to inhibit or kill you? I sure hope this was intended for kids, but then, it should've been advertised as such. If it was aimed at the usual crowd, it failed miserably. I mean, it's easier than playing Outlaw without anyone manning the other joystick. There's no reason to rescue the trapped inhabitant in the first place; considering how long it takes for the flames to pose any danger, the victim could install fireproofing on the top floor.

 

That's why you never read any articles in old magazines about high-score marathons for this title. "A local guy who goes by the nickname Room34 is trying to set a world record by playing Fire Fighter as long as he can. He's been at it for 35 weeks, 4 days and 11 hours now. He's able to take lunch breaks, etc. without losing. 'I walked to the theater and saw a movie earlier today,' he commented. 'The game was still going when I got back. I might be playing for years. I hope our TV holds out.'"

 

 

FIRE FLY (and SORCERER) (Mythicon)

These and other games were sold in 1983 at bargain prices (ten bucks apiece) by Mythicon, who might be, if the games offer any evidence, the only company in gaming history at which the founder, accountant, P.R. man and programmer were all the same guy.

 

These are the only two I've played, but they are, quite literally, the same program with different graphics plugged in; I'm therefore pretty sure that the others are equally bad. It's more interesting to look at the illustrations on the cartridge labels than to play the games themselves. There's no substance to really attack. They almost don't even exist.

If you opt to ignore your adversaries, the object of the game becomes primarily to move from left to right over and over again. It's like a primitive screen-saver that you have to operate manually.

 

 

GREAT ESCAPE, THE (Bomb)

Foul. Someone tried to knock off an Asteroids clone without diagonal movement, challenging obstacles (as long as I could stand to play a few minutes ago, there were never two bad guys onscreen at a time) or accurate controls. There's a reason for the scarcity of carts made by these people. The name of the company almost sounds intentional, as if they knew what bad programmers they'd hired. Maybe Bomb was started on a dare. (I guess a bar-bet would be more likely.)

 

 

KANGAROO (Atari)

Vile. I don't wanna save a baby kangaroo anyway. I'd gladly play a game in which I shot one, but I don't appreciate having to rescue one. Who gives a shit about baby kangaroos? Gimme a dame like in the old days.

 

 

OUTLAW (Atari)

Think about it: You don't see any Outlaw tips on anyone's classic games site. What could they tell you? "Make sure that you press the red button on the joystick EVERY TIME you want to fire a bullet." "If your opponent's shot appears to be coming toward you, maneuver your cowboy in such a way that the bullet actually misses you. It's possible to acquire quite a score if you just follow this strategy repeatedly!" Doesn't sing, man.

 

 

 

CF

[rasty]

M A N G I A'

 

'nuff said

[NE146]

If you're going to think of Outlaw as stupid then you ought to point your finger at the source. After all, Atari was just trying to bring the arcade experience home. You gotta figure it's the 70's, you're in the arcade and see Boothill.. so here comes Atari with the loosely based home adaptation along with other blatant "based-on-the-arcade game hits" such as Circus Atari, Surround, Space War all done in a time when there seemed to be little consequence in doing so. I think they were pretty smart to do that without getting sued actually.

 

By the way, do you think Kangaroo would have made you care about the baby Kangaroo if the home versions had included the sequence from the arcade game showing the baby getting separated from the mother (who'm you play)? Yeah I didn't think so. It wouldn't for me either.

[Room 34]

Chris,

 

Thanks for immortalizing me in your lengthy rant. Fortunately for my sanity, I have never actually spent that much time playing Fire Fighter.

 

Outlaw is getting a bum rap, though. Sure it's pathetically simple. But the 2-player version can be fun, as long as you're on one of the levels where you each have to unload all 6 bullets before you can reload your gun.

 

NOTHING in Atari 2600 history has been as utterly pointless as the "Lunar Lander" variations in Star Ship. What the hell is this?

 

Step 1: Move your ship until it is over the "moon" graphic.

Step 2: Press the button.

Step 3: Repeat for non-stop fun and excitement!!! (OK, it stops after 2 minutes and 16 seconds, of course.)

[Chris++]

Okay, Scott, I'll have to concede the Outlaw title to "old-fashioned simplicity" and replace it with Star Ship.

 

By the way, those Tar Ship cartridges are going fast, folks! I had 500 copies to begin with, but now I'm down to 498! (I'm using two of them to prop open the windows in our apartment.)

 

 

 

CF

[ROBOTRON2084]

Its gotta be ET....they buried 20,000 of them in a ditch....that bad enough???

[moycon]

Although I never had the game. I do remember when they were advertising Mangia and even tho I was a wee lad I remember thinking WTF!!!!????

 

Now that was a stupid concept.

[zanza]

My Top 3 (in no particular order)

 

Human Cannoball

E.T

Forest

[Adrian M]

My Top 3 (in no particular order)

 

Human Cannoball

E.T

Forest

 

 

I cannot believe that Human

Cannonball made your list

as one of the top 3 terrible Atari

games. Such skill and precise

calculations are required which

make the game a blast to play

no pun intended!

 

Surely games such as Pac-Man, Karate

or Skeet Shoot should have taken the

place of Human Cannonball on your

list. I am in complete agreement

with the other 2 titles you mentioned.

[liveinabin]

This is pretty interesting. One mans swill is another mans cherished game. I guess when you're dealing with such simple pared-down things as Atari games, there's a lot more room for subjectivity.

 

I hate Dodge-em. Can't stand it. Loads of people love it, every time I try - it spends 6 seconds in the VCS and goes right back into the NES (where it holds down the cartridges - broken mechanism, see:))

Neverwinter Nights is a stupid modern Atari game, it won't work with my paddle controllers OR the stick, how the hell am I supposed to play it??

[Room 34]

I hate Dodge-em.

That's a shame! It is one of my recent acquisitions and I love it! It's hard as hell though!

[+Cafeman]

A couple of those titles already mentioned popped into my head. Namely, 3D tic-tac-toe and Hangman. Only the fleeting novelty that videogames were a new thing could possibly have provided any reason to buy these snore fests. I mean, Chess is a great idea for those with no partner , but Hangman?

 

I can just see it now -- Carol Shaw, new Atari employee (referred to by the managers as "that woman") is given 3D tic-tac-toe as her first project. She does a decent job at it, then quits after getting pinched too many times, now working at Activision and she makes ... the fantastic River Raid !!!! YEEE-HAW! "Pinch THIS" she yells as fires into the ship, imagining it to be various Atari personnel on their way to a vacation...

[King Atari]

First off, Outlaw is AWESOME. Me and my brother used to bet on it. It's old and blocky and FUN.

 

The stupidest Atari game is a cross between Sneak n Peek, Mangia, and Karate.

[Miles Tails Prower]

First off, Outlaw is AWESOME. Me and my brother used to bet on it. It's old and blocky and FUN.

 

I feel the same way Except I dont have a brother.

[ataribernie]

I think the dumbest game for the 2600 is Sneak 'n Peek. I think even little kids would get bored with that game. If there were a runner-up it would probably be Strawberry Shortcake.