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DoctorSpuds

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  1. DoctorSpuds
    Phillip is pain... All it feels is an endless wash of pain. Phillip waits for death patiently and quietly for it knows its death is nigh
    Data Age
    Encounter At L-5 – Most sprites are slightly warped but you can see it most on the Data Age logo at the top right. Sounds are mostly the same with an off note here or there, nothing serious. Bugs – Most ‘Bugs’ are intact but some are scrambled to high hell, the transition scene is unaltered. Sounds are intact with nothing seriously out of the ordinary. Warplock – The only sprites that show signs of being off are the score sprites at the top of the screen, everything else is unchanged. Yep sounds are still terrible so there’s nothing wrong there. Bermuda Triangle – Most of the graphics are unchanged except now the sprites will wrap around the screen before they emerge from the sides, you’ll see half of a giant fish on either side of the screen before it appears then the two halves vanish. There is a constant buzzing noise that plays while the game is turned on, nothing will change it. Sssnake – The graphics are slightly screwed up so that some of the squares are together forming large channels of nothing in the grid. The track that you’re stuck on has moved to be partially inside the grid, I have now found out that the squares do in fact kill you on contact, which they really didn’t need to program. Airlock – The color pallet is completely off since the floors and walls are now blue instead of pink/purple. The movement is rather jerky but the enemies still behave the same. Sounds are slightly off but nothing too noticeable. Journey: Escape – DEAR GOD THE MUSIC!!! MAKE IT STOP PLEASE!!! The weird swirly background is now relegated to a one pixel vertical strip moving side to side and the opening scene is completely butchered as parts of sprites are either missing or in the wrong place. Frankenstein’s Monster – The monster has been cut in half has skinny chicken legs and is yellow, the environment is largely unchanged. The spiders are also yellow, but sounds are pretty much the same, apart from the jumping noise which sounds very off now. U.S. Games
    Eggomania – The bird has become a twisted evil creation of Satan, the frog is blue, and the music will kill your ears, but it’s still playable. M.A.D. – The cities are even more scrambled than they were before but otherwise everything is fine, the sounds are largely unchanged as well. It’s still completely playable Gopher – The farmer has three faces, one looking left, one looking right, and one look straight into your soul. Everything else is largely unchanged and is still playable. Entombed – some of the corridors are only half the standard width and despite being that perfect size you still can’t squeeze through them rendering the game unplayable in some circumstances, the music is also butchered to hell and back. Name This Game – That octopus has seen better days since its pixels are spazzing left and right making it look very frightening. There is some minor sprite warping on everything and the sounds are mostly all right apart from the jingle but otherwise it’s playable. Raft Rider – Same things as Bermuda Triangle except there are now thick green vertical bars on either side of the screen. There is some gnarly sprite warping on the moose but otherwise everything is fairly normal and completely playable. Froggo
    Sea Hawk – The color palette is out of wack since the sky is pink and the waves are green, the sprites are surprisingly intact as well. Also you explode immediately whenever you respawn rendering the game unplayable. Sea Hunt – The colors are also out of wack but the sprites are unaffected apart from the Sancho logo at the bottom of the screen. The tune that plays is absolute murder on the ears as it seems almost all the keys have been jumped up several octaves and are being played in the wrong order, the game is still playable though. Cruise Missile – The enemies at the top of the screen are stuck as the explosion sprite rendering them invincible and making the game unplayable, otherwise the game is almost completely fine. Spiderdroid – some girders are completely invisible or show up in the wrong place but it’s otherwise unchanged in terms of graphics, sound, and gameplay. Apollo
    Wabbit – All the graphics are unchanged apart from the field which appears to be participating in a rave since it’s flashing through every shade of brown the 2600 can muster at light speed. Sounds seem unaffected as does the gameplay so it’s still completely playable. Shark Attack – The diamonds have a tendency to flicker and duplicate giving you twice the normal amount as usual, unfortunately you are unable to access 75% of the maze as you appear to be too fat, rendering the game unplayable unless you want to wait for the shark to eat 45 diamonds. Infiltrate – Almost completely unaffected, the only thing wrong is that the elevators are shifted to the side a little bit but you can still use them. This game is completely fine. Lost Luggage – Some minor sprite warping and the color palette is slightly off but it’s otherwise pristine. Spacechase- Same as Lost Luggage, it’s completely fine. Final Approach – Same as Spacechase… Space Cavern – Same as Final Approach… Racquetball – since it uses sprites for the lines of the room they are either missing or located in the wrong part of the room, the balls shadows are also out of sorts not allowing you to see its proper location rendering the game pretty much unplayable. Skeet Shoot – Nothing wrong, but still unplayable. Taiwan Cooper
    Tank mission/Thunderground – Only some very minor sprite warping coupled with the color palette being completely screwed up. Mr. Postman – The graphics are mostly unchanged but the music is absolutely mangled. The final screen, Silent City, makes the game unbeatable since the passageways have constricted not allowing the Postman to squeeze through and complete the game, rendering the game unplayable. UFO/Condor Attack – The sprites for the enemies are screwed up but that’s pretty much it, everything acts and sounds normal. Mission 3000 A.D. – Everything looks and acts normally but the sounds are now even more abrasive than before. Cross Force – There is a constant buzzing noise that is frightening to listen to. The shooting only works on half the screen, and the act of shooting makes the whole screen flash and judder, the game is only semi playable though it’s probably a good handicap for skilled players. Karate – the fighters now have pinheads and are missing one of their knees, but the game still acts the same Open Sesame/I Want My Mommy – The music is butchered as usual but the graphics and gameplay remain fairly unchanged only everything that was white is now yellow. Spider/Spacemaster X-7 – half of the shield is missing and has reappeared on the far right of the screen leaving the left half of the station completely unguarded making the game a breeze to play even in the harder difficulty levels, I easily quintupled my previous high score. Squirrel – completely fine, apart from the standard sprite warping there is nothing wrong with it. Tigervision
    Polaris – the sonar sound effect is even worse to listen to than before, otherwise the game plays the same and apart from the standard sprite warping looks fine as well. Jawbreaker – the game behaves normally and apart from some thick blue bars outside the play area and some of the dots not being where they should the game looks fine as well. Miner 2049er – First off… Ow my ears that music is mangled to shit, otherwise everything is fairly normal apart from a crazy color palette.  
    Parker Bros.
    Gyruss - As is common with all forms of sound coming from Phillip it is a twisted and evil sound that this game spits out of the speakers. The gameplay is perfectly fine and even the graphics are only affected to a minor degree, it's fine as long as you press the mute button. G.I. Joe - Good lord that snake is twisted, it's face has separated from the rest of it's body and is now purely nightmare fuel. The small running soldiers now resemble cave drawings (seriously) and the palette is overall ruined, but the game still plays alright though the cobra seems a bit harder to hit than before. Amidar - Exact same as Spiderdroid. Sky Skipper - The opening tune hits notes so high I think I can hear the neighborhood dog population going crazy. The game is rendered unplayable due to the fact that as soon as you hit reset you phase into the floor and lose all of your lives in approximately four seconds, the game is just broken plain and simple. Tutankham - The music is completely broken as usual but thankfully it isn't too much of an ear-sore. Sometimes there are walls narrowing the pathways but you can walk right through them, the game behaves normally and apart from the sounds it's completely fine. Even the color palette is normal. Frogger - Apart from the hellish music, once more the game looks and acts like it should apart from a few flickering bits on the borders which is standard across the board, even the sprites look fine. Reactor - I can never tell if this game is behaving correctly or not, but it seems to be fine, only a misplaced block or two. Spiderman - The webs are invisible, and the graphics are warped, Spiderman looks like he was run over by a truck and I can't even get up high enough to see what the Goblin looks like, yeah the game's pretty much unplayable. Though, invisible web mode would be a good variation for experienced players. Star Wars:Death Star Battle - The sounds and graphics are about right, though the grid pattern on the shield is messed up and the death star is missing a large chunk of it's right half. The game is still completely playable. Star Wars: TESB - This is most definitely the worst rendition of the Star Wars theme I've ever heard, the palette is fine and so is the gameplay. There is very little wrong with the graphics, only a few juddering sprites and parts of the background detaching and jumping around, nothing gamebreaking. Star Wars: Jedi Arena - I take it back... THIS is the worst rendition of the Star Wars theme I've ever heard. You're swinging around a lightsaber thicker than a human torso but that's about it for broken graphics, the game plays fine. There's nothing much wrong with this one. Q*bert - He only has one leg! The music is also completely trashed but the game plays fine. Super Cobra - The game plays fine but there is a wall of tiles situated in the center of the screen at all times and if they make contact with any of the terrain the terrain vanishes and reappears, also the sounds are screwed up, but you knew that already. Popeye - Screwy sounds, flickering and slightly muddled visuals but you can still make everything out and play the game just fine, you're just going to get a headache while doing it. Strawberry Shortcake – The music is ungodly, every theme has been made squeaky and ear grating by Phillip, it is so bad I might just make a video of all of them. Spectravision
    Gangster Alley - The game looks and plays okay apart from a screwy color palette (It's not the color wheel I've checked multiple times). The sounds are okay because there just aren't any in the first place, yeah this one's fine. Planet Patrol - honestly... It's just fine, the only thing that stands out is the random disco mesa in the background but otherwise everything is fine. Chase the Chuckwagon - At first lance it looks fine, the graphics aren't screwed up and some of the text is even legible but when you hit the reset switch nothing will happen... If you press the game select switch the game will go into full seizure mode. You will be stuck in place and killed as the screen flashes red and a horrible buzzing assaults your ears. The game is unplayable. Bumper Bash - the playfield is all sorts of screwed up, most of the walls are in the incorrect spots, in fact you can even get the ball stuck in the blue border. The game is impossible to play since the ball will get stuck every time, or the physics will break and the ball will get stuck in an endless loop of bouncing. Imagic
    Fathom – Amazingly enough the only thing wrong with it is a bit of mild sprite warping, even the sounds are fine! Demon Attack – a classic case of screwy sounds, but the graphics are fine with just a few screwed up sprites. Dragonfire – sounds are fine, so are the graphics. The gamebreaking bug though is that you are not allowed to go right when collecting treasures, if you do you will be taken back to the doorway instantly, but you don’t lose a life for doing so, but if anything is to the right of the door or directly above then the game is over. Quick Step – completely fine… seriously! Moonsweeper – Apart from some minor sprite warping and some slight tearing on the larger sprites there is nothing wrong sound-wise and play-wise. No Escape! – The sounds are particularly nasty here but otherwise everything is correct apart from everything that was formerly white being yellow. Solar Storm – Everything from the sounds to the sprites to the palette are perfect. Cosmic Ark – the graphics, sounds, and gameplay are all fine, with one exception. When first starting the game the background is just like it was with Journey: Escape where it is a single vertical line moving side to side. Atlantis – The screen has been cut into two halves, and the land is freaking out around the cities, it’s all juddery. Sounds and gameplay are okay. Trick Shot – The brown on the table has been turned to black, but otherwise everything is fine in all departments. Fire Fighter – The building flickers between grey and yellow occasionally and the ladder is spazzing out but the more complex graphics are untouched. Sounds are good and the gameplay is unaffected. Star Voyager – the palette’s been hit, the blue border is now vomit green, but otherwise pretty much everything is fine with an off-key note here or there. Riddle of the Sphinx – All the palm trees are missing their trunks, and the desert has turned into a yellow I can only describe as Kraft Single. The gameplay is unchanged so you can at least enjoy the eye rotting yellow. Shootin’ Gallery – Apart from a spot of bother where I couldn’t move the gun right, it later fixed itself, the game works as it should, even most of the sprites are unsullied by Phillip’s devilish influence. Telesys
    Cosmic Creeps – There is some major sprite tearing on the spaceship and sun but everything else is fine. The sounds are mostly alright except when it tries to do anything complicated. Gameplay is unaltered and completely playable. Fast Food – Some of the sprites are a little bit messed up but he “You’re getting fatter” and “Closed” intermissions are screwed up beyond comprehension. The gameplay is fine, nothing wrong there and even the sounds are untouched Coconuts – the tree trunks are completely missing, and the monkey is now the spawn of Satan’s asscrack. Gameplay and sounds are fine, nothing wrong there. Brazilian Bootlegs
    Bobby is Going Home – The music is now thoroughly unsettling as it is now in the minor key and just plain disturbing, the jumping sound has been destroyed. The gameplay and visuals are untouched for the most part. Crackpots – The guy is now a Cyclops with a toupee that has a mind of its own, apart from that the palette is a bit screwy and parts of the game will flash on the black left border. Gameplay is fine, as are most of the sounds with perhaps an off-key note once in a while Fast Eddie - The ladders are very screwy but the game behaves normally otherwise. Amiga
    Mogul Maniac – You are skiing in the land of Kraft Singles since the whole planet has turned disturbingly yellow. Gameplay has remained unaffected, and apart from the awful rendition of the Olypmic Anthem being made even more awful, the sounds are unchanged. Panda
    Tank Brigade/Tanks But No Tanks – The graphics and sounds are mostly fine, but the game is rendered unplayable if you shoot either the far left or far right border walls since your shot will just stick into them not allowing you to shoot again until you die or an enemy drives into it. The enemy AI has become dumber than a box of rocks driving into the walls until they either warp to the other side or vanish and respawn. Enemy shots will also stick to the walls which might be why they’re freaking out… Hard Mode? Zimag
    Dishaster – The music is even worse than before, but the other sounds are okay. Gameplay is unchanged, but the graphics are a bit screwy, the poles will fracture in some places or be two pixels thick, and some of the plates will spaz side to side on occasion. The game still sucks though. Universal-Gamex
    X-Man – On the intro screen it seems the woman has swallowed a tire since she’s gotten quite round, the man is now grey and has little skinny chicken legs that grow in size whenever he’s walking, and the enemies will make the screen flicker a little bit as well. The game has been rendered unplayable for the same reasons as Entombed, the pathways have constricted and you are unable to move anywhere. The maze selector is also broken only picking two of the three mazes and one far more than the other, the one it usually chooses also constantly plays a high pitched sound just to give you a headache, the sounds are just horrible and off-key. Even if you wanted to play it you couldn’t. Mythicon
    Star Fox – The sounds are just as broken as is it was on a functioning console except all the annoying ones have been reduced in pitch to a near tolerable level. Gameplay and graphics remain unaltered. Hmmm it seems playing Star Fox on a broken console has wound up making it slightly better. Fire Fly – HOLY SHIT THAT MUSIC!!! My ears hurt! It’s all been raised a couple octaves apart from a few notes that were on the lower end staying correct. The graphics couldn’t be more messed up in the first place so it seems Phillip has actually improved some of them by destroying them further. Sorcerer – the white mountain top is made of year old Cheez Whizz but everything else seems fine with the graphics, scratch that the mountains have turned yellow and the mountain top is now grey, now it’s back to normal, what the hell. I’m afraid to hit reset, but here goes… OH GOD MY EARS!!! Atari Red Box/Label
    Realsports Boxing – The ring graphics are very glitch, often flashing and warping, the fighters are fine as is everything else. Sounds are alright except for the countdown sound that sounds mangled and strangled. Still completely playable. Crossbow - On the map screen every location sprite has been split in half and jumping around wildly, and unfortunately the aiming reticule/cursor is invisible making the game very difficult to play without a turbo function. The stage screens are fairly mangled as well with much of the lava on the volcano stage missing entirely, and the cacti in the desert screen flickering wildly. Donkey Kong Junior – The game is still fully functional apart from one rope that will repel you if you approach it, the graphics are as fine as they were and the sounds have become extremely screechy and nasty. Jr. Pac-Man – some parts of the maze fail to appear visually but still have collision detection, and the maze itself will flicker violently between several different shades of poo brown and vomit green. The game plays fine but the sounds make it so you’ll never ever want to do that in the first place since the opening tune is murder. Dark Chambers – The title screen actually names the game as Dark Chairbel’s so that’s a good sign. The game still plays normally and the sounds seem unchanged, some of the enemy sprites are a bit screwed up but due to how simple most of them are the warping is fairly unnoticeable. Midnight Magic – The ball is now 1X3 pixels but most everything else is still functional unlike in Bumper Bash. The sounds are mangled of course but it’s less noticeable here than in other titles. Solaris – This is some of the nastiest sprite warping I’ve seen so far… Not a single item is left untouched, the planets are no longer circular and have corners and enemies are missing chunks of their bodies. Sounds just sound off as if everything has been changed to the minor key. The game is very difficult to play since enemy behavior has been thoroughly defiled and now some enemies will simply self destruct or is impossible to catch up to so you can shoot them; you also have a nasty habit of exploding randomly. Venture – The game looks mostly intact but in some cases walls will be missing or elongate slightly which makes moving around a bit difficult, on the map screen one of the rooms was missing a wall so I was able to enter the room from the other side of the door. In the room with the moving walls however the walls on the top and bottom around the treasure had lengthened making it impossible to actually get the thing rendering the game unplayable. Super Football – The opening screen shows a football player who has been sawn cleanly in half. The game plays fairly normally except all the players judder around in a rather distracting fashion, there is also a yellow line on the screen that will change color when a player is on the same horizontal plane as it. Sounds are fairly untouched apart from the crowd noise that now sounds like a dying lawn mower. Desert Falcon – The only part of the game that isn’t horribly wrong is the Sphinx, everything else has something wrong with it. The opening tune is mostly clangs and screeches, as is the background accompaniment, with other sounds either raised or lowered an octave. The palette is FUBAR and some graphical elements will fail to show up, the obelisks mainly but a few pyramids were no-shows as well simply leaving their shadows, to confuse things further the shadows are the correct sandy color making it look like much of the game had been gone over with a steamroller. Some elements will flicker and move independently and the whole game shifts slightly to the right whenever you land. Despite all of that the game is still playable Gravitar – Honestly… Apart from the sprite warping the game plays and sounds just fine. Xenophobe – the game plays fine, and apart from a slightly screwy palette and the basic sprite warping it looks fine as well. The sounds appear to be even worse before, if you thought the music was bad before now try it with completely unrelated sounds taking place of the already discordant notes… It makes me shudder. Ikari Warriors – I’m not kidding here… It’s almost perfect, there’s barely any sprite warping, the sounds are fine and the gameplay is fine. Motorodeo - Apart from some atrocious music the game is also untouched by Philip’s influences. It looks fine and it plays fine. CBS
    Blueprint – The only thing that has been altered is the player character who is now a top hat and small line. Everything else is as it should be. GORF – Apart from a few ships being slightly scrambled the game is almost entirely unaltered in graphics, sounds, and gameplay. Wizard of Wor – The game starts by screaming in agony then the player automatically phases through the walls of the maze and gets stuck, not allowing any continued play. Much like in Entombed some of the walls constrict blocking pathways which would have made the game far more difficult since you couldn’t access over half of it, but the game renders itself unplayable right off the bat. Omega Race – I can’t really comment since I don’t have the Booster Grip adaptor. Solar Fox – the game is almost playable, and would be a very fun ‘Hard Mode’ of the game since the enemies shots move incredibly erratically across the screen, but you automatically lose a life when you start the game and with every new level meaning you could get to level three then die immediately. The game is totally unplayable unless you really like playing levels one and two forever. Mountain King – The game still acts normally, a few things are screwed up like there only being half of the diamonds present, the rest have vanished, and the player is now wearing a skirt. The ‘Secret World’ is still there and you can still access it as you normally would. Konami
    Strategy X – The graphics now look even worse since everything is jumping and juddering around like it’s recently been caffeinated, even more so than usual. The color palette is all sorts of screwed up and the tank looks like some sort of insect. Sounds like to switch from one octave too high to one octave too low seemingly at random, making for a very obnoxious playthrough. Pooyan – The game plays as it normally does, the sounds are all several octaves too high and the graphics are vanishing and rematerializing randomly whenever they feel like it. The game is still almost unplayable though. M-Network
    Kool-Aid Man – The graphics are almost untouched, all that’s wrong is the palette and some parts of the edges of the screen flickering. Sounds have been raised by an octave or two except when they haven’t; all the notes in the opening tune apart from the final two have been raised. Gameplay has been unaffected and is still totally playable. Air Raiders – It plays normally, all the issues are with the graphics and sounds. The sky is now a sickly shade of green and half of the brown border of your cockpit had turned red. The sounds have been raised in pitch as we’ve seen before except with these noises it is particularly obnoxious. Super Challenge Baseball – The diamond is flickering about like a madman and the players have suddenly grown extremely wide. The game has only one quirk that players may find annoying, after any pitch, the catcher will automatically run up the screen, nothing you can do will stop him, even if he has the ball he is uncontrollable basically making the game unplayable. Adventures of Tron – The game skips the title screen and immediately starts the game, you are actually able to control how fast you fall down with the joystick, otherwise the game plays normally. Armor Ambush – The game looks and sounds like an absolute disaster, everything is scrambled in awful ways. Player two will move forward no matter what even if there is a controller plugged in, the game is still playable though player two us just unable to stop. Super Challenge Football – Same issues as with SC Baseball, the players have grown extremely wide and player two won’t stop running. I’m not sure how playable this is since I can’t play effectively by myself. Dark Cavern – The game has been rendered completely unplayable due to the fact that you cannot move down and will only move up trapping you. The sounds are fine and the graphics are fine apart from the enemies gaining 80 pounds and filling up the entire passageway. Space Attack – You are unable to actually battle the aliens not matter how closely you follow the instructions, the game cannot be played. Astroblast – The sounds are screwed up, and the shots look funny, but the game still plays just fine. Lock ‘n’ Chase – The game is almost unplayable since you always want to move upwards, (are you sensing a theme with these games?) and due to how the game treats movement you are unable to turn around until you stop which means you just keep running into the police over and over again. Bump ‘n’ Jump – This might be the only game that benefits for automatic forward movement, you never have to worry about accelerating ever again, and braking even works as well. The sounds are tortured and crying for mercy, and the palette is completly wrong, (why is the road yellow and flashing?), but the game is entirely playable. Coleco
    Mouse Trap – the game is imploding on itself, the game starts with about 10 seconds of pink flashing and cat screams, and when that’s over you’ll find that the game is unplayable since the pellets have been shited over to the right meaning some of them are inside of the walls, while some corridors have constricted so that you can’t pass through. The game is completely broken. Donkey Kong - Mario now has yellow skin and some of the ladders are now invisible, the game is still playable despite this. The sounds are mostly fine apart from when you get hit and the console squeals in agony. Smurf: Recue – HOLY SHIT MY EARS!!! The graphics are fine but the music is the work of Satan, and might just be the ugliest thing I’ve ever heard, and I like Skrillex. Carnival – Apart from some seriously wicked sprite warping, and sounds that would make a person go deaf after prolonged exposure, the gameplay is fine. Front Line – I actually managed to beat it for the first time on Philip, the graphics are pretty darn screwy, much of the landscape has shipped to the side slightly or is flickering and jittering. Enemy soldiers are now wearing black uniforms but the actual sprites are fine. Near the end of the game the ground began to flash yellow and grey which isn’t easy on the eyes. The sounds are fine with only a few off keys every so often. Starpath
    Communist Mutants From Space – First off the loading noise has a tendency to jump octaves until it gets so high pitched you can’t hear it. The graphics are fairly muddled, the brood mother has split in half and the uniform layout of her spawn has been disrupted. The evil spawn have the standard sprite warping that we’ve come to expect. Suicide Mission – Despite its graphical complexity it remains wholly intact and pretty much unsullied by Phillip. Killer Satellites – The sounds are torched and off-key, even the simple ones, the score is having an epileptic fit at the top of the screen and the ground is flashing between dark red and not-so-dark red. The game is still playable though, even if you really don’t want to after looking at it. Sega
    Congo Bongo – This game is not happy… The sounds are squeaky and off-key and everything that was once yellow is now gray. The pathways on top of the cliffs have shifted very far to the right so now some of them are in the waterfall and river. The Frogger screen is fairly untouched but has rendered the game unbeatable since you cannot pass the rampaging rhinos (?) without dying, the entire horizontal plane is death, and no, you can’t jump over it. Buck Rogers – Apart from the horrifying sounds the game plays and looks fairly normal, nothing to say here. Tac-Scan – Honestly there is almost nothing wrong, not even sprite warping. Vidtec
    Sneak ‘n Peek – I’m uncomfortable, the sounds are butchered to hell and the people are both missing a leg and are hopping around the house, otherwise the gameplay is unaffected. Towering Inferno – The graphics are fine but the controls have been reversed, left is right and right is left, you’re always moving forward unless you hold back then you stop, also you can only move using the right controller port not the left as is standard. You cannot move backwards which makes the game unplayable. Commando Raid – The game looks fine to start with bit when you start playing you’ll notice that the little parachuting guys have been reduced to three horizontal lines, which is mildly distressing. The sounds are mostly alright except when the console shrieks in agony. Also the hit detection of the missiles is gone so you can’t shoot them and whenever they appear it’s game over every time, the game is unplayable unless you can hit the planes before they drop the bombs, Hard Mode? Word Zapper – Apart from the letters flickering between yellow and white the game is untouched. Space Jockey – There is very little that Phillip could do to destroy such a basic game so it appears he hasn’t even tried, the game is fine. 20th Century Fox
    M*A*S*H* - This game is frightening. The opening screen is mostly fine, the trees don’t look like trees but apart from that it’s okay, but screen two, surgery… That person is beyond the healing powers of even the gods, I would almost call it gory. The game may not be unplayable, but I really don’t want to play it after seeing that.
    Mega Force – It’s fine, there is only some minor sprite warping and the sounds are a bit off but the game plays alright, if you really want to play Mega Force that is. Flash Gordon – The maze appears to be confused since some passageways will not appear on the map but still allow you to fly through them so it looks like you’re flying through solid rock. There is some minor sprite warping as usual but it’s not severe. The game plays okay and the sounds are for the most part unaltered. Alien – Oh dear! The pellets have materialized outside the maze and are flickering back and forth in a mesmerizing fashion. The game is still completely playable except the pellet graphics are in the wrong place not their hitbox meaning you can still collect them all except you just don’t know where most of them are. Fantastic Voyage – Holy Hell what a mess. The walls of the blood vessel are freaking out, shifting and juddering side to side, so much so that sometimes it will wrap to the other side of the screen. Most of the time the enemies are outside the walls which means you cannot hit them, or they will be in the walls but the walls will shift allowing the enemies to escape to the rest of the screen. The game is virtually unplayable since half of the enemies are untouchable. Turmoil – Believe it or not this game is absolutely fine with only an off note here and there, after Fantastic Voyage I was a bit scared, but who can blame me. Worm War 1 - The sounds are a bit screwy and the palette is all wrong but otherwise everything is fine. Activision
    Pitfall II – Since the game has a separate chip used for the music the actual sounds are fine, thankfully. The graphics are mostly unchanged with only a few flickering background elements here and there and the yellow (ish) ground turning grey in some areas. Also the ladders are just straight up invisible, which makes the game a little more interesting. Ghostbusters – As you can guess the music is torture of an otherworldly kind, and this is with a different TIA chip that does sounds better (I swapped them after I made the video). The music is still off-key in grotesque ways, but it’s not as bad as before. The streets still flash horribly between yellow and grey, which is very hard on the eyes, otherwise much of the game’s graphics are fairly untouched apart from Ecto-1 which looks like Picasso got to it. Enduro – The game has been rendered unplayable since you start the game riding on the line meaning you are colliding with it forever and will never move anywhere, also your ears are assailed by the streams of the damned as you constantly crash into the wall Commando – This has some of the most ear-splitting music I’ve heard to this point, the notes aren’t off-key per say, they are just so high pitched that I can’t even hear some of them. The graphics are almost fine, the ground will flicker from yellow to grey on occasion and the palm trees appear to have become sentient, but otherwise the main graphics are fine. Private Eye – Holy crap what a mess I have been presented with… The sounds, atrocious, the graphics, atrocious, the game, confusing. Everything that was once grey is now yellow, and the opening tune is so awful I have intentionally repressed it, background elements are flickering and jittery which makes the game feel like it’s about to fall apart. Decathlon – It’s okay, the graphics are mildly scrambled but the game still plays as it should. River Raid – At first it seemed like this might actually be a pretty decent Hard Mode, but the game quickly turned sour. If you are on the same line as an enemy it is the same as you touching them, same thing for the fuel, you don’t actually have to touch them for them to hit you, which means you have to hit EVERY enemy otherwise you’ll die since you cannot pass them. This would be alright apart from the fact that the game has branching pathways and it is literally impossible to hit every enemy on the screen when that happens. The game is unplayable end of story. Keystone Kapers – The game has the standard sprite warping and background flickering we’ve come to expect, but the sounds are fine. The game plays just like it should, let it pass. Megamania – the game starts fine but as soon as you finish level one you will just die over and over again for no reason rendering the game unplayable past level one. Spider Fider – Apart from some of the sounds being rather mangled the game plays as well as it should. Pressure Cooker – Graphically the game is fine but the sounds are otherworldly and the gameplay is STILL confusing. Pitfall! – The game has curled up into a ball and gone into a catatonic state. Pitfall Harry has no frames of animation, he cannot jump and when he falls down a ladder he cannot climb back up since the ladder has shifted to the right and Harry can’t climb through solid rock. There is also a high pitched screaming noise that plays constantly making the game absolute agony to experience. Frostbite – The game looks, plays, and sounds, just like it should. Fishing Derby – The fishing lines remain straight lines if you move them a certain direction but move realistically if you move them another, the graphics are fine for the most part apart from the dock which is flashing and flickering, but the game is still playable. Oink! – Graphically it has the same issues as many before it; everything that was yellow is now grey and vise versa and everything that was white is now yellow. The sprites have a small amount of warpage but not enough to raise an eyebrow, the game still plays normally and the sounds are fine, the game is still playable. Space Shuttle – Apart from the sprite warping we’ve seen in a hundred other games, it’s fine and plays as it should. Tennis – The court is in distress… Instead of being angles like they should, the left side lines have decided that they want to be straight, making the court much smaller than it was before. The game plays normally however and the changes seem to only be cosmetic. Checkers – Scarily normal. Seaquest – The sounds are squeaky and weird but the graphics and gameplay are overall unaffected with the exception of one thing. You can see the swimmers wrapping around the side of the screen much like with Bermuda Triangle. Ice Hockey – Oh dear the ice rink has turned yellow but otherwise the game is okay. Skiing – It’s completely normal apart from the fact that the mountain is now made out of cheddar cheese. Sky Jinks - Horrible things have happened to these graphics. Much like with Desert Falcon the sprites for the shadows have been replaced with the sprites for the objects themselves creating a loopy land of pancaked pylons and hot air balloons that are fragmented but still flying, it truly is disturbing. Starmaster – The graphics are almost okay with only a small amount of warping present but the real kicker is the fact that the shooting is all screwed up. One of your shots will actually go where it’s supposed to, while the other will fire straight up the right edge of the screen, and from what I’ve experienced you can’t actually hit enemies either way so the game is pretty much impossible. Grand Prix – Screwy sounds and yellowed visuals don’t hamper the gameplay which remains the same. Dragster – Unblemished. Kaboom – Um… Well the game looks fine, the game’s sounds are overpowered by a high pitched beeping noise and the score constantly goes up, forever and ever. Easiest rollage of my life. Dolphin – The game has had the difficulty ramped up exponentially, since the game relies heavily on sounds it doesn’t help that most of them are so off-key it hurts or missing entirely due to them being so high pitched, the game is still playable but it’s just incredibly difficult. Barnstorming – Graphically the game is mostly untouched, the same s true for the sounds as well but there is something odd. Whenever you hold down the button you will accelerate but only for a second because as the timer changes to another second you lose all the speed you accrued and begin to accelerate again for one second making the game a hurky jerky mess. Boxing – It behaves normally, and apart from the basic sprite warping and color issues that are standard the game looks alright as well, even the sounds are untouched, let it pass. Freeway – Sounds, Graphics, and Gameplay are all untouched. Laser Blast – It’s fine, seriously. Chopper Command – Same issue as in River Raid which makes the game unplayable since you are unable to kill enemies without dying first. The game is completely unplayable. Stampede – Those cows or now twisted abominations that jerk around like vessels of Satan. The game is completely playable; the only things wrong with it are the cow and horse graphics and the sounds which are far more shrill than usual. Robot Tank – This game is very, very angry, the sounds the game makes when you move side to side are startling to say the least and the explosions, apart from being seizure inducing, are so violent sounding that the ESRB might have to stick a T rating on it. Graphics are mostly fine apart from the standard sprite warping, and gameplay is unchanged as far as I know. Sears
    Pac-Man – As far as graphics go this is probably the least messed up Pac-Man title of the lot. The entire maze is off kilter and the dots intersect with the walls but are still accessible, both the ghost and Pac-Man sprites are unaltered, and the sounds aren’t too butchered. Unfortunately the game takes a turn towards unplayable since some of the dots are invisible or unaccessible I can’t tell which. Asteroids – Off the bat the game looks fine, but it shows its true colors as you begin playing. The ‘dun-dun’ sound effect has been pitch shifted up several octaves making it an annoying beeping noise. The asteroids look fine until shot then the sprites for the smaller asteroids begin mirroring themselves giving them an erratic and disturbing look. The game is still perfectly playable though, if you don’t mind being disturbed. Baseball – Um…. This might be the first ‘perfect’ game here… There is quite literally nothing wrong with the game. Race – You cannot move left, right is fine, but not left, rendering the game unplayable Absolute
    Skateboardin’ – The game looks alright, just some very minor sprite warping, also the kid doesn’t have a body. The music isn’t altogether horrible, it just gets a bit high in some places, and the gameplay is unaltered. Pete Rose Baseball – It’s all just the standard sprite warping coupled with everything that was once white or grey becoming yellow, the sounds are off-key as usual but the gameplay remains unaltered. Tomcat – The game is playable but the warped graphics make figuring out what all the scrambles letter and numbers mean a huge hassle, on a technical level it’s playable but in action it’s just impossible. Mystique
    Beat ‘em & Eat ‘em – Graphically there is very little wrong with it, apart from the fellow’s member which appears to have shrunk in girth to that of a pencil. There are a few off notes but nothing ear bleeding, it’s all right. Custer’s Revenge – Custer’s legs are missing, the clouds are made of cheese , and the sounds are murder. ‘nuff said. Epyx
    Winter Games – The games are all functionally the same as if the game were functioning normally. Everything white is now yellow, and the sprite warping is immense in areas like the ski jump and bobsled. Also the music couldn’t be worse if you smashed your head into a piano (anywhere on the piano not just the keys) and called it a day. Summer Games – Music is murder but the game plays fine, pretty much just like with Winter Games. California Games – I am uncomfortable… The foot bag kid’s legs detach from his body when he turns around. Otherwise it is much like with the previous two, the games are playable but the graphics are a bit funky and the sounds have been brutalized. Commavid
    Room of Doom – Functionally the game is fine, graphically the game is also fine, auditorially it is also fine, the game is just fine. Cosmic Swarm – The blocks don’t show up in the proper locations which leads to the game being a bit of a crap shoot on whether you’re going to run into a block or not. Sounds and most of the gameplay still work as normal. Atari Silver Label
    E.T. – Apart from some very minor graphical issues and the music being turned to a mess of beeps the game plays perfectly normally. Moon Patrol – The game is fine, nothing to report. Crystal Castles – The game behaves normally, the only thing that is off is the music and sounds. Krull – The spider web is screwed up which makes navigating that part of the game a bit easier but I still can’t figure out how to play the game properly. Sounds are fine and gameplay is fine. Galaxian – Nothing to report, the game is fine. Raiders of the Lost Ark – The game refuses to start, all you do is look at Indy flicker around on the pedestal while the worst ‘music’ you’ve ever heard assaults your ears. Joust – Nothing to report. Realsports Soccer – Apart from that ‘Music’ that p[lays at the beginning there is nothing to report. Swordquest Earthworld – Nothing to report. Swordquest Fireworld – Your dude only has one leg, apart from that and a few strange sounds the game is fine. Battlezone – The blue tanks are now an off-green, and the mountains have developed a few cliffs but otherwise the game is graphically sound. Most of the sounds have been chipmunked and are now way too high pitched, but the core gameplay remains unaffected. Phoenix – Nothing to report. Stargate – The mountains now make X’s instead of triangles but apart from that the core gameplay and most of the graphics are unaffected. Sounds are fine too. Vanguard – The game behaves normally, and apart from the same issue as in Super Cobra the game looks normal as well. Realsports Tennis – Nothing to report. Mario Bros. – Nothing to report. Jungle Hunt – Scrambles sounds and a confused color palette, and once I just phased through a vine but apart from that the game is normal. Realsports Football – Nothing to report. Ms. Pac-Man – Some maze graphics fail to appear, some of the dots are invisible, and the sounds are murder, but at least it’s playable. Centipede – You are now enormous, and are very easy to hit, everything else is normal. Realsports Volleyball – The net has shifted majorly towards the right and now the playfield is extremely lopsided, otherwise the game is normal graphically and gameplay wise. Kangaroo – The sounds are murder and the screen is flickering badly but the game still plays as normal. Dig Dug – The sounds are all sorts of screwed up but the gameplay remains the same. Pole Position – The sounds are wickedly screwed up and the road is not happy, it is warping around spasmodically and will cause you to run into it even if you are nowhere near it. You can still play the game but it is incredibly difficult. Atari Text/Color Labels: Ain't much here...
    Yars’ Revenge – Nothing interesting to report. Defender – Nothing to interesting report. 3D Tic-Tac-Toe – Nothing Interesting to Report. Adventure – The game is so simple I’d be surprised if anything went wrong, so nothing has. Dodge ‘em – Nothing to report. Superman – The game behaves just as it should, noisy and confusing. Slot Racers – Nothing interesting. Backgammon – Nothing Interesting. Star Ship – Nothing interesting. Pele’s Soccer – Nothing Interesting. Air Sea Battle – Nothing interesting. Surround – The game has been rendered unplayable due to the fact that you will randomly collide with your own blocks as you lay them down. Maze Craze – The mazes have been completely butchered to the point where you can’t tell where you can walk and what is a wall, The game is almost unplayable. Basketball - *vigorous bouncing* When being held the ball will bounce at double speed, and in the case of player one it will bounce at double speed even when moving, making the game sound very funny. The gameplay is unaffected thankfully. Outlaw – Apart from the cactus missing its trunk there is nothing interesting to report. Human Cannonball – Um… the basket is flying around the screen very quickly, if you ask me this is the ultimate hard mode for this game, but to anybody who just wants to play the game normally it’s unplayable. Othello – Nothing to report. Flag Capture – Nothing interesting to report. Sky Diver – The sounds are positively screwy but apart from the game functions normally. Math Gran Prix – Nothing interesting to report. Video Chess – The game suffers from Sky Jinks syndrome where all the sprites have been squashed, the board is a mess. You can still play the game but you won’t be getting anywhere since half of your pieces haven’t even bothered to show up. Hangman – The game functions normally the letters are just extremely screwed up. Berzerk – Nothing interesting to report. Casino – The game is unwell in that it refuses to do anything. Night Driver – Nothing to see here. Demons to Diamonds – Nothing interesting to report. Video Olympics – How can you screw up Pong? Well you can’t, the game is fine. Breakout – The game is fine. Street Racer – Nothing here. Warlords – It’s fine. Super Breakout – Nothing wrong here. Star Raiders – Nothing to report. Haunted House – The game sure is haunted, even the walls are moving. Otherwise the game behaves normally. Bowling – Your ball is super long, and that’s about it. Space Invaders – Everything is fine over here. Brain Games – Everything is working normally. Video Pinball – Occasionally the ball will phase through the walls, and there is a strange orange corruption hanging out on the sides of the screen, the game mostly works fine though. Golf – Golf Football – The score is suffering from Sky Jinks Syndrome, but the game plays normally, if you can call anything about Football ‘Normal’. Blackjack – It’s fine. Missile Command – S’fine. Space War – Horizontal movement is completely screwed up, you will be cemented on a vertical plane for a few seconds no matter how fast you were moving before and then you are unleashed and begin flying around like a madman. Combat – You can’t really screw up Combat, all you can do is make it better.
  2. DoctorSpuds
    This game doesn't sit right with me... I'm not a real big fan of this game in the first place. The first time I played this game was on an NES 250-in-one multicart, and something about it just rubbed me the wrong way. The 2600 version, which is the only version of Pooyan that was released for the home console market outside of Japan by the way, is far inferior to the Famicom port which is far inferior to the arcade, a winning combination if I've ever seen one. Graphics?
     
    Ugly... It seems that Konami had a habit for ugly graphics on the 2600, because this game is rather hideous. Everything is merely an indication of what the arcade laid out, a shadow of a shadow, by just glimpsing at it it looks like Pooyan, but if a second grader drew it with crayon. All the colors are washed out and lack the pop that even the Famicom managed to pull off. The wolves are hilarious looking, the pig you control looks like a cow, and the thing raising and lowering you? It scares me... On a deep and profound level that thing just freaks me out. Everything is just a solid color and looks strangely mangled, especially the balloon wolves, where do their mouths go? I know the 2600 requires some abstract thinking when it comes to interpreting the graphics, but no matter what you tell me those are not trees, those are cliffs, and nothing you will say can convince me otherwise.
     
    Sounds? There are very few of them in this game, you shoot, they shoot, they die, you die, opening tune... I won't criticize them too much since they aren't making my ears bleed. I think there need to be more explosions though, but hey that's just me.
     
    Gameplay... OH THE GAMEPLAY!!! This is the worst part of this game by far. Unlike in the Famicon and arcade versions, which have smooth vertical movement, in the 2600 version you cannot move fluidly, you're stuck to five predetermined locations up and down the cliff face, you can not move between them, you snap to them automatically when you move the joystick up or down. I can't name a single shoot 'em up top down or sidescrolling where your movement is grid based. This renders the game nearly impossible to play, since when you miss a wolf, and you will do so quite often, you have to waste time waiting for them to reach your next designated shooting area, thankfully they also move on this grid. You might think that the grid system wouldn't be too bad if you moved quickly, well.... You move slower than a snake in a freezer, you are SLOW! This game seems hell bent on not wanting you to play it, this game hates you and it always wins. I hate to say this again but... This is the only console version of Pooyan released outside of Japan, and when I look at this travesty of a port I think I can see why.
     
    Don't buy this game, in fact I would recommend against buying any games put out by Konami on the 2600, I may have recommended Strategy X for the challenge, but that's for a niche audience of sado-masochists. This game is not worth your time, it is not worth your money, and it staggers me that this game used to be worth something. I designate this game to the Collector's Zone, and I sincerely hope it never leaves.
  3. DoctorSpuds
    Thank you AMD for automatically updating the registry of my video drivers to the version before. Completely screwing up my screen and forcing me to manually update the registry with the proper driver versions whilst my screen is strobing, which meant I had to first find the drivers, find the version of those drivers, find the registry for those drivers and manually updating them there. Even after fixing the drivers the screen is still screwed up which means I have to daisy chain adaptors so I can use the weirdo proprietary Sony connector which I just so happen to have the proper adaptor for.
     
    In the end I came out on top since I’m getting full VGA (Actually it's RGB, I'm just bad at words) now versus the stripped back palette (Limited RGB) I had earlier but still. That’s wack yo.
     
    If you’re wondering I’m using an ancient Sony SDM-P232W monitor. The resolution still holds up and it’s built like a tank.

  4. DoctorSpuds
    What time is it? You guessed it its crappy movie tie-in time, and what disappointing movie-based game are we going to be looking at today? Krull? No… Ghostbusters? Nah! Philly Flasher?.. Hell no! Ah! Of course there can be no other than Mega Force! Who remembers Mega Force? ‘cause I don’t, this movie was a total flop at the box office barely making back a quarter of its 20 million dollar budget. It’s your standard Mad Max style post apocalyptic future with awesome vehicles and explosions everywhere. This movie is so disliked that it has a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes with critics, though it seems audiences like it a bit more with it sitting 41% with them. With a movie this well received it seems only logical that a game bearing its name should be released for the good old Atari VCS. Before we delve elbow deep into this stinker I feel the need to impart some trivia. The commercial for the Mega Force Atari game featured a young Brian Cranston of Breaking Bad fame, he still looked like a 50 year old man though and only had around five frames of his face in shot but it is undeniably Brian Cranston. Okay no more trivia.
     
    I gotta hand it to them; they did very good when it came to the graphics of Mega Force. The background and environments are detailed and pleasing to the eye.  The enemy sprites are rather simplistic but they get the job done well enough. The sprites for the cities, fuel depots, and other environmental items like palm trees and oases are done fantastically and are very detailed by 2600 standards. Overall the graphics are done well but I struggle to find anything meaningful to say about them so I’m just going to go on to the sounds.

    The sounds are alright, they’re good and chunky just like I like them. The shooting and explosion sound effects are particularly gratifying but that’s about all I can say about them. The rest of the sounds are the same ones that you’ve heard dozens of times in every other Atari game, in fact I can’t say with certainty that any of the sounds are original, they might all be reused from a different game, Fox or otherwise.
     
    The gameplay is so close to being good that it hurts, but it just has so many flaws that it doesn’t quite work. The game that they were trying to emulate was Defender, what with the side-scrolling shooter gameplay and overall feel. The problem is you aren’t allowed to go all out scorched earth like in Defender, here you have to be slow and meticulous because you aren’t out to just destroy things you have to protect them as well. You are tasked with destroying the black and red enemy base while also protecting the white and yellow city of Sardoun, it sounds simple. The get to the enemy base you have to cross a no-man’s-land of enemy aircraft, ground to air missiles, and fuel depots. Here’s where things get difficult, saucers will appear around fuel depots, as will the missiles, the saucers will fire on you pretty indiscriminately while the missiles will lock onto your position and attempt to hit you from the bottom. Any sensible person would just nope the hell out of there but you can’t you have to stop and destroy the saucers because the saucers will continue forward and destroy the city of Sardoun, the game won’t end if the city is destroyed you can destroy the enemy base and finish the round but you won’t get any points for it and you’ll lose a life. So, you’re being forced to confront the saucers it sounds like it shouldn’t be much of a problem, but it is. You maneuver like a three legged rhinoceros wading through molasses, turning around from full speed takes about half the screen and vertical movement is extremely slow while moving forward makes Usien Bolt look like a tortoise.

    The game simply doesn’t work; you are forced to make calculated and sudden movements with the controls from Defender, while maintaining your fuel level, destroying enemies that are attacking from front, back, and bottom, and if you let a single enemy past you may lose the game because those suckers can level Sardoun in a few seconds. The manual mentions bonus items that will boost your score but they won’t matter since you either won’t be alive long enough to collect them, or you won’t get any points from them since Sardoun was leveled since you missed a single saucer and couldn’t turn around in time. If the controls were more precise many of these complaints would be retracted, but as it stands Mega Force is just an average to bad game. If you want a copy for yourself then you’ll be paying around 7-20 dollars for a loose cartridge and 35+ for a boxed copy. It’s Collector’s Zone for Mega Force without a doubt, just play Defender or Defender II you’ll have a far better time.
  5. DoctorSpuds
    We are going to start with the defacto ‘rare’ game in the 2600 library, Air Raid. Very little is known about this cartridge, and it seems that every step taken towards finally knowing who created this oddity leads further down a rabbit hole of craziness, and red herrings. I have browsed through several Air Raid centric threads and it has been suggested that the creators were drug smuggling members of the Cuban cartel, or even participated in slavery. But it seems that the only promising lead has turned up cold since the only guy who seemed to be going any earnest research into the game has not divulged any further information, which would lead one to assume that there was nothing at the end of that particular tunnel. It is generally assumed that all 25 known copies are pre-production promotional copies that would have been sent out to stores to drum up interest in the game, this would also explain the bright blue coloration of the cartridges since they likely used any plastic they could come up with. It seems however that nobody wanted this game since no orders were placed and the company likely folded shortly afterwards. I remember reading somewhere (so you know it’s true) that employees were trying to give these away for free, so you know it’s gotta be a good game. Then again Men-A-Vision did pick a horrible time to try to break into the games market, as I recall 1982 was a bit of a company killer. Sadly the story of this game overshadows the game itself since there is really very little to talk about when it comes to playing the actual game itself.
     
    I’ve heard it said that Air Raid is a highly modified version of Space Jockey, but I honestly don’t think so. There is very little to look at with this game, and for some reason Stella is acting a fool when it comes to this game in particular, since it flickers between B&W and color except the background is a vibrant magenta when it’s in color, so I was forced to use Z26 to play this game properly. There are several different enemies you will be fighting against in this game, first are the upside-down rocket propelled houses, then there are the stick figure airplanes, the generic flying saucers, and the propeller propelled jumbo jets. Most of the sprites are fairly colorful, but all are chucky beyond compare, and then there is you, an attack jet of some sort, that has its wings constantly fall of and reconnect themselves, it truly is a baffling animation. At the bottom of the screen you have a life counter and some large brown buildings smoothly scrolling left to right, believe it or not these four buildings are supposed to be the city of Manhattan, these buildings are essential to the gameplay so I’ll talk more about them there, but so far this is looking pretty grim.
     
    Thankfully the sounds are absolutely blissful. Air Raid has some of the chunkiest firing and explosion noises I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing, there aren’t many sounds, but the few this game has are fantastic.
     
    This is a shoot ‘em up, simple as it gets, but Air Raid somehow get’s it very wrong. The goal of the game is extremely simple; shoot all the enemies before they fall to earth, if several enemies get past you the buildings will slowly crumble more and more before exploding in a blaze of glory. There are a maximum of three enemies on screen at once, some will fall faster than others, the houses and the saucers tend to fall slower than the planes. Enemies will also fire on you to make your life more difficult, occasionally an enemy will have a vertical white line flash through it, and I have no idea what that means, but it frightens me. The one thing though that kills this game for me is the hit detection, it’s completely random, and for the propeller planes I’m pretty sure you have to hit the direct center pixel for it to register. You will see plenty of shots pass right through the enemies, though it seems that your hit chance is increased if you keep your ship directly beneath the falling enemies when your shot makes contact, at least, that’s what it looked like to me.
     
    Air Raid is a simple game that is broken by a simple issue, the inability to actually hit your targets, couple that with repetitive gameplay that doesn’t really escalate in difficulty and you have a prime recipe for disaster. Thankfully the game does have some replay value with the game variations, but since I can’t find a single manual scan I have no clue what they change. Normally such a game would be seen as worthless by the collecting community at large, but rarity has a tendency to inflate the perceived value of a game, and it truly has here since a CIB copy of Air Raid sold for over $30,000 at auction, and loose copies have sold for at least a tenth of that which would still place them in the thousands of dollars. If I had the funds to buy this game, I would not, since I would also need a safe to keep it in, and what’s the point of a game that can never be played? Just buy a reproduction copy off of Etsy or something… Also are all the copies in PAL? I’ve seen that it runs at 290 scanlines, while a standard North American game runs around 260, and a PAL game runs at 300+, I’m askin’ for a friend here.
     
    Useful threads
    http://atariage.com/forums/topic/204931-the-secret-of-men-a-vision-revealed/page-1?hl=%20men
    http://atariage.com/forums/topic/204249-10-17-2012-found-air-raid-with-original-box/page-1
  6. DoctorSpuds
    This is going to be a difficult game to look at since it feels almost blasphemous to do so; the first of something is always sacred. Pitfall (I’m omitting the ‘!’ because Word freaks out and capitalizes everything), is generally referred to as the first side-scrolling platforming game, or at least the first one to do it right. It is one of the best selling games on the 2600 and is considered one of the best games on the console, if not ever for its contributions to gaming as a whole. But, and there’s always a but, how does it hold up? A true sign of a timeless game is that it’s still fun to play all these years later, the Atari and many consoles from that time period have tons of games that could be considered timeless. On the 2600 alone you have games like Missile Command, Centipede/Millipede, Jawbreaker, Worm War I, Frankenstein’s Monster, Combat, Midnight Magic, Ms. Pac-Man, Wizard of Wor, the list will go on for pages and pages if I continue. But does Pitfall make that list of timeless games. Please be aware that I’m looking at Pitfall with my own modern perspective, I wasn’t there in the 80’s so I cannot speak about it in that context, but if it really did spend 64 weeks in the number one spot then I get the feeling  that… Well, I might be getting a new asshole after this one.
     

     
    The graphics are simple and clean, the graphics are so ubiquitous that non-gamers even know what game they’re from.  The sprite work on Harry and the obstacles he faces are expertly made and definitely hold up, I’d say that the graphics are several years ahead of their time; a game like this probably wasn’t seen again until Jungle Hunt in 1983 or even Montezuma’s Revenge in 1984. I’m still amazed by how smooth everything moves and feels, there is no sprite flickering to be seen, and Harry’s run cycle is extremely well animated and looks uncannily fluid, as do the vine movements. The graphics are perfect, they’re iconic, and that’s the end of that.
     

     
    The sounds I’m a bit more on the fence about, a good portion of the game is played in silence since Harry makes no sound when he runs, he makes plenty of noise whenever he’s jumping or screaming his head off whilst swinging on a vine, but not when he’s running. There is a small selection of sounds that will play whenever you do something or if something happens to Harry. There is a very squeaky jumping noise, an odd groaning noise whenever you fall down a hole, another strange groaning noise when you make contact with a barrel, the classic Tarzan yell when swinging on a vine, and the classic ‘you are dead’ jingle. There is also a triumphant jingle for when you collect a treasure. Apart from those sounds everything else goes by in silence, the snapping of alligators, the hissing of deadly cobras, the whoosh of a suddenly appearing sinkhole, not even the barrels make a sound as they trundle past you at high speed. I know that David Crane was working with a severely constricted amount of memory, fitting the whole game on a 4K cartridge, and looking at the file size on my hard drive it looks like every byte was used, it would have been impossible for him to have fit more sounds in the game if he’d tried. Now this is where we get to the most important part of any game, the gameplay.
     

     
    The premise of Pitfall is simple, get from the left of the screen to the right of the screen while avoiding obstacles and collecting treasures, there are 32 treasures in all and you have three lives and twenty minutes to grab them all or you lose the game. The obstacles you’ll face on your quest for wealth include alligators, tar pits, sink holes, cobras, giant scorpions, an ungodly amount of barrels, and gravity itself. There are 255 screens that contain a combination of these obstacles, but the combinations aren’t random, they’re the same every time, and certain combinations won’t happen, like barrels and alligators on the same screen since that would be almost impossible (unless I haven’t gotten to that screen yet). Some screens are ridiculously easy like the sinkhole with a vine over it, or present a good amount of challenge like the three-pack barrels over a sinkhole. Most of your lives will be claimed by the alligators though, you can only stand on the two pixels that are their heads whenever they open their mouths otherwise you’re dead, the collision detection for this part is rather strict. Pitfall is not a game you can rush through, the obstacles simply won’t allow it, if you get the precise timing of each individual obstacle down to a T then you’ll be able to get through the game with some speed, but even that won’t be enough to get all 32 treasures, that is why you must use the underground caves. The caves can be accessed with the ladders that you see dotted across the different screens or if you’re feeling a bit impatient you can just jump down one of the holes. The caves are not without danger, the giant scorpions are particularly difficult to jump over and dead ends are common forcing you to backtrack past the scorpions again but the trade-off is rather worth it since each screen traversed in the caves equates to three screen above ground, you need to use the caves to beat the game. Unfortunately this is where I come in, and frankly I don’t particularly enjoy Pitfall, I’ve probably been spoiled by other newer platformers, but I just find Pitfall, and even its sequel to be rather boring, I find that the flat design present in every screen makes them blend into one another and I just don’t feel any reward or satisfaction when playing. The controls also aren’t quite my cup of tea, I’d really like to be able to control my jumps in midair much like Bobby is Going home, and I find that pressing down to let go of vines to be rather odd but that doesn’t really detract from the game in any way.
     

     
    All in all Pitfall is legendary, it’s iconic, and I just don’t like it. As you all know I have very unconventional tastes when it comes to games, so this honestly doesn’t come as a surprise. Personally I’m not a particularly big fan of most platform games in general, I couldn’t give two shits about Mario or Donkey Kong and I only like Sonic 2 because of the music and Sonic Spinball because it’s pinball, actually the two platform games I DO like are both on the 2600, Keystone Kapers and Frankenstein’s Monster are both excellent platforming games and I’d readily play them over Pitfall any day. Unfortunately Pitfall’s prices don’t reflect its commonality; you’ll probably find loads of overpriced copies in the wild and online. The cheapest loose copy on Ebay sitting at $7.90 free shipping which is ridiculous for a game that’s as common as 3D Tic-Tac-Toe or Amidar, the latter of which you can usually find in-box for 10 dollars or less, and speaking of in-box… The cheapest boxed copy of Pitfall currently on Ebay is sitting at 52.99$ I think I paid that much or a little bit more for Jawbreaker CIB, or Frankenstein’s Monster CIB, or any of the Mystique titles I own CIB. It’s worth 15 maybe 20 dollars in the box and maybe 3 dollars loose so don’t buy anything that’s on Ebay unless it’s in those price ranges, but you’ll probably find one in the wild that’s cheaper than that, I hope. I won’t send Pitfall to the Collector’s Zone, I can’t, I may not like it but I cannot deny it’s heritage and impact on gaming as a whole, it’s possible that without Pitfall we wouldn’t have Mario or Sonic (or Bubsy) or any modern or classic platforming games. It may not be the best but it was the first, so well… I gotta love it for that.
  7. DoctorSpuds
    I’ve been trying to rationalize to myself where the rabbit hole that is Atari collecting begins and ends. Of course it begins with Atari themselves, along with the bigger publishers like Activision, Parker Brothers, and Imagic. Here let’s try something… I won’t be able to include all the publishers, but I can try to paint a vague picture of what I mean.

    Level One: Everybody knows ‘em. These companies were the most likely to be stocked in all the major electronics retailers.
    Atari Activision Parker Brothers Imagic Coleco
    Level Two: Coulda missed ‘em. These were from slightly smaller publishers, and taking into account geographical differences I’m sure people might not have seen these in even small quantities.
    U.S. Games/Vidtec 20th Century Fox Apollo M-Network Data Age CBS
    Level Three: Small publisher. These guys usually had a small library of games that never gained any real notoriety; they were usually affected strongly by geography, now we’re getting into the realm of rarity.
    Mystique Sega Spectravision Konami Tigervision Xonox Mythicon Telesys
    Level Four: Did they even exist? These companies had very limited distribution of their games, making them on the pricier side.
    Playaround Commavid Avalon Hill Zimag Starpath/Arcadia(?) Amiga Milton Bradley
    Level Five: After the fact. These guys came along after the 2600’s heyday and decided to spice the already sizeable library up, and while they may be well known today it is still rather odd that these games even exist at all.
    Froggo Absolute Epyx Telegames
    Level Six: Mail order only and one-offs. These guys account for most of the extremely rare games seen on the system, usually releasing one or two games before vanishing entirely.
    Men-A-Vision Simage Answer Software American Videogame Universal Gamex Bomb (Special exception) DSD/Camelot Exus K-Tel Vision Selchow & Righter Sparrow Sunrise Software TNT Games Ultravision Venturevision Wizard Video
    Level Seven: The American bootleggers. These were usually companies that would release pirated games under different names, they had very limited distribution but in some cases were the only way to play certain titles on American systems.
    Panda Zellers Puzzy
    Level Eight: Hardware. These guys made utilities for the 2600, not games.
    Videosoft Vidco Romox Personal Games Xante
    Level Nine: Europe and Australia. Despite there being very little interest in the greater European market for home videogame consoles, due to the booming micro computer industry, there were still companies shelling games out for the 2600, usually they were bootlegs but many were original games.
    Ariola Bit Corporation Carrere Video Datatech Dimax Dynamics Funvision Gakken Gameworld Goliath HES Homevision Hotshot Hi-Score John Sands ITT Family Games Puzzy (Again) Quelle Rainbow Vision Salu Sancho Suntek Supervision Technovision Video Gems
    Level Ten: South America. This place was an absolute free-for-all of publishers releasing everything they could get their hands on, it didn’t matter where it came from or if somebody else had already published it they’d release it. Despite all the odd publishers though, it seems South America has the most complete, and exotic, library of 2600 games since they have several games that were never released in North America in the NTSC format. SA also has the largest amount of publishers.
    Action Games Apple Vision Argevision Arte Vision Atari Mania Auto Game Canal 3 CCE Conector Cosmovision Cromax Dactar Datasoft Datavision Digimax Digitel Digivision Dinamivision Dismac Dynacom Dynatronic Engesoft Eram Fotomania Future Galaxi Game Action Genus Gran Match Imagic International Games Intellivision J.F. Jo Joystick JVP Maxgames Mega Games Microsoft (HAH!) Momo Play Time Play Video Polygram Polyvox Pop Prom Rentacom Robby Shock Vision Star Game Super 2600 Super Game Supervision Tiger Vision Tron Uloc VGS Video Game Video Grow Video Jeugo Videomagia Videomania Videospot Vidgame Vortex Games Wide Vision Zgames Zirok There are probably still a bunch more that we haven’t found yet.
    Level Eleven: Rock Bottom. We have no idea who made these games, where they come from, or where they were ever actually sold. These games are an enigma, and were likely never sold through actual retailers and are more likely the remnants of an Atari 'Black Market'. The most well known of these are the Taiwan Cooper games which are usually pirated games from American publishers but are sometimes NTSC ports of the elusive Bit Corporation’s games, they even did Colecovision games.
    Taiwan Cooper Beagle Brothers V Case games Pet Boat The Unknown Universal Prototype (Now known to be Heart Like A Wheel from 20th Century Fox)) Videogame SP The ‘2600 Compatible’ Series (Different from the Zellers games)
    I don’t really know what the point of this is… I guess I really just needed to try and sort everything out. If you feel that a publisher should be moved to a different level, or if I missed a publisher (as I probably have) tell me in the comments. I have purposefully excluded homebrews and self published titles since that's a whole different box of rocks to dig into.
  8. DoctorSpuds
    Hey, who remembers Ultravision? Those guys who announced a too-good-to-be-true console, scrapped it, then released a grand total of two games for the 2600 before vanishing entirely, the two games they released were Karate, and Condor Attack. Now, we've all seen Karate and we all know it's a piece of crap. Karate has been done to death, and that's probably why I'm never going to review it (unless I'm very desperate), but Condor Attack tends to 'fly' under the radar due to the fact there were very few easily attainable re-releases, there are the K-Tel and Funvision versions but they're also pretty pricey. So we must fall back on our old friend who I've affectionately named T. Cooper. Mr. Taiwan Cooper has released this game in his line of ultra cheap bootleg cartridges, I got my copy CIB from Venezuela for eight dollars, and that's including shipping. The T. Cooper version of this game is called UFO, and when I saw the listing on Ebay I was shocked to see that it was in fact Condor Attack, I scooped it up as fast as I could, and could you believe it? It arrived on my birthday... Happy Birthday to me. So without further ado lets review this thing!
     
    This game is ugly... All of the attacking enemies are low-res and monochrome to boot, the background is black, the floor is a girder from Miner 2049'er, and your gun is the only thing that is discernibly multicolored. Enemies move around very choppily and in the cart I got, whenever an enemy moved down the screen or was killed or if I was killed, the screen jumped and in some cases rolled. I also get some of this jumpiness on an emulator (Stella 5.1 to be exact), but it seems playing on actual hardware exacerbates the problem, I don't know if this is a problem for anybody else, but this jumpiness doesn't really affect the gameplay, it's still perfectly playable, it just looks a bit weird. Apart from all that, the graphics are just the bare basics, the absolute minimum to pass off as a game, which really reflects well on Ultravision.
     
    Sounds are incredibly simple, just like the graphics, the sounds provide the bare minimum to qualify. You shoot, they shoot (x2), you explode, they explode, new game, 1-UP, that is pretty much it. The sounds are pretty ear grating, since most of them are fairly high pitched, not allowing the chunkiness I so desire. But yeah there really is no way of sugarcoating this, so far this game is just ugly both in sight and in sound. I'm rather confused as to why people will pay over a grand for one of these things boxed, I know it's rare and I know it's unique, it sort of falls into the same realm as Men-a-Vision's Air Raid... The game's crap but people will pay over four-figures for one in the box. Hmmm I don't think I'll ever understand the collector's market, but then again I don't have to, (now back to the topic at hand). So everything so far has pointed to a grade-A stinker, but can the gameplay save this thing?
     
    Yes it can, this game is fun... I like it. I can look past the exterior ugliness of a game, as long as it's fun to play, thankfully Condor Attack delivers. This game is a blatant rip off of Demon Attack/Phoenix/Communist Mutants From Space/Space Invaders/Galaxian etc. though I'd say it leans more toward Communist Mutants From Space than anything. How about a basic description... You move your little gun horizontally along the bottom of the screen, while shooting at two attacking enemies, as a group of waiting enemies fly around the top of the screen, when you kill one of the attacking enemies another takes it's place from the group at the top, slowly decreasing it's numbers until there are none left, when all the enemies in a group are destroyed another more aggressive group takes it's place. Yeah... this is a poor man's C.M.F.S., and even though it doesn't play nearly as well or as smoothly, one can still get enjoyment from this game. It exploits the one-more-time mentality, because I must say, weaving through enemy shots whilst firing off shots of your own is extremely rewarding. Scoring is a bit unique, after every wave the point value of an attacking enemy is raised by ten, which is nothing special in the grand scheme of things, but there is a built-in way of boosting your score so you can either get to the harder stages faster or score some easy lives. It's simple, shoot the enemies at the top of the screen, they only give you three points per, but you can breeze your way through stages until a single attacking enemy is worth two hundred points and killing five will net you a 1-UP, also around stage five or six the difficulty reset to the easy difficulty, allowing me to easily get an extra life or two. This game is all about the score. I won't say it's particularly well programmed but what's here is still fairly decent.
     
    Obviously I won't tell you to go out there and buy this game, It's Collector's Zone for this bad boy, without a second thought. It is simply too expensive, apart from the bootleg versions, but it seems they might be almost as rare. Unless you can score the T. Cooper bootlegs which are on Ebay RIGHT NOW under the UFO name, you may not ever see this game so affordable ever again. Also my copy of the game came with the original "Instruction Manual" which is a standard size sheet of printer paper with very basic and very poorly translated instructions printed on it, I'll include it at the bottom of the review so you can get a good laugh out of it. On a different note, I've noticed that AtariAge's page on T. Cooper carts is rather sorely lacking, so I put out the call to help flesh out that page, since there is so much hilarious crap that we're missing out on.
  9. DoctorSpuds
    It truly amazes me how many games have been forgotten by the course of time. Actually it seems that almost all games get forgotten eventually, but not this one. Somehow this game managed to soldier on through the 90’s and finally landed a remake on the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3, I’m talking about Choplifter! (I will omit the ‘!’ from now on because Word doesn’t like it.) Choplifter made a huge splash in 1982, and you could definitely see why, it’s a sidescrolling shooter with a decidedly patriotic theme of rescuing POW’s from and evil, unspecified, desert nation. This game was released on everything with a controller port: The Apple II, Arcades, Atari 5200, Atari 7800, Atari 8-bit, Colecovision, Commodore 64, FM-7, MSX, NES, PC-6001, PC-88, Sharp X1, SEGA Master System, SG-1000, Thomson TO, VIC-20. Holy crap that’s a lot of systems that I don’t have access to. I can only play Choplifter of four of the systems I own, Atari 7800, Commodore 64, Atari 800, and Sega Master System, so how about I do a big ol’ comparison piece talking about all four games and seeing which one is the best to look at, listen to, and play.
     
    Since all four of these games are ostensibly the same game with a different coat of paint, comparing the graphics should be fairly easy. Let’s start with the Atari 7800 version and work our way down from there.
     
    7800: The graphics are bright and colorful, and really show what the 7800 was capable of in 1987. Everything is well defined, and cartoony. The background is nice and detailed, so are the tanks and planes. You can even tell that the POW’s you’re rescuing are wearing a wifebeater and blue jeans. It looks good, really good. The detail even extends to having the fence you pass over be tiny Atari logos which I think is adorable. My main problem is that everything feels like it’s zoomed in, mainly because everything is much larger in the 7800 version than in any of the others, perhaps so they could pack in more detail.
     

     
    8-Bit: It seems there are two versions of the 8-bit game, one in monochrome and one in color, unfortunately I was only able to get the monochrome version to run on my 800. These graphics are a big step down from the 7800 version, but that’s to be expected this game came out in 1982. After checking online, the color version easily rivals the graphics of the Colecovision version two years before the Coleco came out. The background is sparse with only a few outcroppings of rock, and most all of the sprites are monochrome with only the houses and tanks showing multiple colors. But the 8-bit version actually does something rather unique, it sets the action at night, which, at least for me, ties the whole look of the game together and actually gives the game style points over the competition, of course there isn’t any detail, it’s midnight with only the moon as a light source. I’d argue that the monochrome version with B&W graphics looks better than the color version due to this fact alone.
     

     
    C64: The C64 also takes the night route that the 8-bit version did, but I don’t think it looks quite as good. I’d argue that the C64 uses color unusually in the case of choplifter, red and blue are added to the outside of the helicopter and POW sprites and it just looks awkward, like everything is fuzzy around the edges, it just doesn’t really work. Apart from the poor implementation of color in some places I’d say the graphics are comparable to the 8-bit version, simplistic but they get the job done well.
     

     
    SMS: And here comes the Master System, like some behemoth towering over all versions that came before it, but funnily enough the 7800 version came out after the SMS version which was released in 1986 one year before the 7800 version. This version is just jam packed with fantastic detail, everything is well defined and… well, when you spend most of your time playing games from the early 80’s you forget just how amazing the jump to the NES and SMS was. There is no argument that the SMS version has the best graphics. The only way I think they fail somewhat is that at times they can get a little muddy but that’s just me nitpicking trying to give the other versions a chance. But that simply won’t happen, the Sega Master System version is the winner!
     

     
    There are a wide variety of sound chips in use across the four versions of the game, here’s hoping that they get used to the best of their abilities. Same order, let’s go!
     
    7800: Oh dear. Despite being the newest system out of this lineup the 7800 had the most basic sound chip out of the lot, mainly because it just used a recycled 2600 sound chip. There is a plinky plonky set of jingles that play at the beginning of the game and at the beginning of each sortie. You’ll otherwise be treated to an endless series of chk-chk-chk noises to simulate the sound of the rotors and holy crap does it get annoying. The explosions are nothing special; you’ve heard them a thousand times on the 2600. Actually that’s the perfect way to describe the sounds, ‘you’ve heard them a thousand times on the 2600.’
     

     
    8-Bit: Hmmm, these are a step up, the POKEY chip does allow for a broader range of sound than the 2600’s TIA chip, but the sounds still aren’t great. You get a far more layered soundtrack with a low grumbling noise coupled with a soft chirping noise to simulate the engine and rotors. The shooting and explosion sounds could have been improved, the shots are too high pitched and the explosions are low and gravely sure but they lack any impact.
     

     
    C64: This one hurts the most, the SID chip is legendary for its sound potential but the sounds are just straight copies of the 8-bit sounds with a little bit of SID gravel thrown on top and unfortunately it doesn’t help to improve the already sparse sounds.
     

     
    SMS: Ready for the SMS to dominate again? High range of sounds, good explosions, good explosion noises, and background music. There is nothing any of these games can do that will combat the winning combination of good explosions and background music, it seems the SMS wins again.
     

     
    As we all know a game can look terrible, and sound terrible, but we won’t care as long as it’s fun to play, and that’s why the gameplay category is so important, it can render the two previous categories moot. This is where we find a winner. Due to how simple of a game Choplifter is it should be pretty difficult to screw it up, rescue POW’s and don’t get shot down for the love of god, let’s see how these game screw it up.
     
    7800:  Stiff and zoomed in. Everything is too big, the tanks are a quarter-screen wide, and the planes are huge, but at the same time they’re still impossible to hit due to the stiffness of the controls. There is no acceleration period; you are going full speed immediately and it makes controlling yourself very difficult. Also due to the zoomed in perspective you have less time avoid obstacles some of which blend into the sky very well.
     

     
    8-Bit: This is quite a step up! You have at least two times as much space on the screen to move around in, the enemies are of proper size and are actually able to be hit. Most importantly though, when you are moving forward you are positioned on the screen so that you are not centered, and you have more screen in front of you than you do behind you so you can see enemies and obstacles coming and react appropriately, something the 7800 version didn’t do, or at least didn’t do well. You still move about like a fly on crack, but due to your smaller size you won’t miss as much as you did in the 7800 version, and your movement speed actually is slightly slower so you can manage precision movement a bit better.
     

     
    C64: This version plays almost identically to the 8-bit version. You’re slowed down and zoomed out, and positioned properly when moving, though I think this version plays a little bit slower which in all honesty isn’t a bad thing.
     

     
    SMS: This version takes what should be a simple shooter and tacks a whole lot of unnecessary things onto it. Instead of starting the game slow and adding more enemies in like the previous three did, this one starts you off full bore with ground to air turrets, fighter jets, multiple tanks at once, and balloon bombs. This version is so difficult that on the (I presume) easy mode I only got to the second level once, out of dozens upon dozens of attempts and level two is even harder. You’re not allowed to move slowly since the jets will get you, you’re not allowed to blitz things since the constantly firing turrets will hit you with a lucky shot. It’s not fun it’s hard, and it seems that it’s hard just for the sake of being hard, I don’t like that sort of mentality, it just ruins the game.
     

     
    Alright so, the winner... This is actually rather difficult because I’m torn between the C64 and 8-bit versions, well before we get to that lets wrap the whole thing up.
    7800: Mediocre graphics for the time, a sound chip from 1977, and gameplay that is the definition of unfair and frustrating.
     
    8-Bit: Simplistic in both graphics and sound but makes up for it with gameplay.
     
    C64: A vitual copy of the 8-bit version but with slightly muddier graphics and sounds but with the same great gameplay.
     
    SMS: Excellent graphics, amazing sounds, and tough as nails gameplay that is too punishing right off the bat and will turn away casual gamers like myself.
     
    Alright so I’ve decided that the winner is the Atari 8-Bit version, it’s simple, it’s fast, and most importantly it’s fun. Followed closely by the Commodore version, for the same reasons. The SMS version comes next, because despite its brutal difficulty it’s still fun for a short while. The 7800 version is just no fun to play and is frankly embarrassing, especially when you realize it’s the newest of the four.
     
    If you’d like to purchase these games the prices are as follows
    Atari 7800
    ·         Loose: $7.50-14.99
    ·         CIB $17.49-53
    Atari 8-Bit
    ·         Loose: $21.25-23.65
    ·         CIB: $29.99-44.48
    Commodore 64:
    ·         Loose: $39.99-66.77 (ouch)
    ·         CIB: $106.45 (more ouch)
    Sega Master System:
    ·         Loose: $7.76-20.62
    ·         CIB: $14.99-43.81
  10. DoctorSpuds
    This review is going to be very different than what you’re used to, instead of just reviewing a game I’m going to review and ENTIRE console. Enter the Mattel Children’s Discovery System, a drab little computer that was meant for very small children. I thinks this is one of the ugliest pieces of hardware I’ve ever laid my eyes on, its microscopic screen (16x48 Matrix LCD screen), and awful membrane keyboard make using this thing an absolute chore. Now this is actually a cartridge based computer, boasting a whopping 18 different expansion cartridges, though from what I can tell three of these expansions are actually built into the computer, many of these cartridges also came with overlays for the dreadful keyboard. I have five expansion cartridges and the three that are built into the computer itself, I have: Presidents, Memory/Logic, Mathquiz/Calculator, Arcade 1(Not working, I’ll get to that later), Arcade 2, and the three built-in games, Music (also not working), Art, and Type. My machine doesn’t work properly, it has one defect that for the life of me I can’t fix, the speaker is broken, the interior of the machine id free of rust and corrosion so I’m chalking it up to cheap parts, so I will be unable to do a fair review of Music, or any of the sound in any of the games, which is fine since the sound paragraphs are always the most redundant in these review anyway. I’ll be reviewing the games separately; I have a feeling that most of these paragraphs are going to be fairly short since there ain’t much to these games.
     
    Let’s begin with Presidents, this cartridge has four included mini-games, Game 1 is basic information about the president you select, it usually tells you their name, in which state they were born, their term, party, and ‘calling’ which is what they were before they were president. As an example let’s pick John Adams, the screen displays:
    |J ADAMS | |J ADAMS | |JADAMS | |J ADAMS | |J ADAMS | |JADAMS |
    |BORN IN- | |MA | |TERM- | |1797-1801| | PARTY- | |FEDERLIST|
    |J ADAMS | |J ADAMS |
    |CALLING- | |LAWYER |
    You are given the bare basics of information about the president, one thing that really made me laugh though is the most recent president on the overlay, its Reagan, those were the days. The second game is rather stupid, the computer picks a random president, and you just pres random presidents and it will say lower or higher, the problem is that the presidents aren’t in chronological order, they’re in alphabetical order which makes guessing lower or higher pretty hard if you haven’t memorized the chronological order of the 39 presidents. As far as I can tell game three is an ‘order’ game, basically the computer selects four different presidents, or more depending on the difficulty and you have to guess the correct order in which to press them, it’s not the order the computer shows them in either, PASS! I don’t understand the fourth game, I just press president’s faces and it tells me the basic info of a different president… PASS!!! Let’s move onto the next game!
     
    The next game is Memory/Logic, and my goodness this is a boring one. Game 1 is ‘Secret Code’, remember that guess the order game form Presidents? Well this is the same thing, except you guess the letters. Four black boxes are displayed on screen, depending on the difficulty you can select letters from A-d, A-H, or A-Z, after you randomly select four letters you will be given a number, the higher it is the closer you are to the correct combination, this game is extremely boring. The second game is Patterns and it’s exactly as the name says, you are presented with half of a pattern and you must complete it, again very boring. Game three is Memory Match, you know that little mini-game in Super Mario Bros. 3 where you flip the cards? Well that’s this game, it’s alright, I’ve always had a fondness for these types of games.
     
    The next cartridge is Mathquiz/Calculator, the cartridge is exactly what the name says, a math quiz on various subjects like addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. There is also a handy unit conversion for the calculator, you can convert litres to gallons and vice versa, you can convert kilograms to pounds and vice versa, and you can convert meters to feet and vice versa. The one thing that keeps this from being a decent calculator is how long it takes to actually type anything in, there is a 1-2 second delay from pressing the button and the number being displayed on the screen. Functional but flawed, NEXT!
     
    The final cartridge is Arcade II, and believe it or not this game makes no sense. The only game I can equate it to is horizontal Breakout except you have zero control over the ball. Just to test this I left the game running while writing this and the game beat itself. There are several different ‘modes’, you have attack planes, where a series of triangles approach the far left of the screen from the far right, they advance every time the ball hits the far right of the screen. There is the vertical line mode, where you simply chip away at vertical lines, and it’s not fun. Finally there is the ‘Running Man’ mode, where you destroy a bunch of the iconic Mattel Running Men, this is also not fun. I don’t know if there is any more to this cartridge, the overlay makes it seem like there is more, but no matter what I press I will always end up at the Breakout game, very disappointing and boring.
     
    The three built-in programs are very inconsequential, the first is Music Mode, which I cannot use since the speaker is busted, the second is Art mode where you can draw images one pixel at a time very slowly on the worst keyboard ever, the third is by far the most useless program. You can type words but only word under 8 letters. The screen will only display letters on an 8x2 grid, so there is almost nothing you can do with this program.
     
    The final cartridge, Arcade 1, is broken and will not work, so I decided to open up the cartridge and see what was wrong, I’ve gotta say, these are some of the cheapest carts I’ve seen in some time. I thought at first that the chip wasn’t connected but later saw some very thin fibers connecting to the pin-outs, these fibers are barely visible to the human eye, and could only be measured in Micrometers. These little threads of spider silk were the only thing connecting the chip to the board, thankfully there is a plastic shield that covers the chip, unfortunately the shield on this cart was broken and had severed the connections making the chip unusable.
     
    All in all this machine is a piece of crap that I’m amazed was even sold back in 1980, I haven’t been able to confirm this but apparently this thing was sold for 100$ back in the day. You could either buy a 2600 or this thing, and it seems some parents bought this thing. I got my machine at my local game store for 10$ as-is, and frankly, I think I overpaid. This thing goes straight into the Collector’s Zone, as far as it can go. What a waste of plastic, the only cart I would consider to be useable is the calculator, and that’s because it’s a calculator, otherwise you won’t learn a damn thing from this piece of crap.
     
  11. DoctorSpuds
    Alright so I decided to just release my Ebook for free here on the forum so here ya go. It comes in EPUB and MOBI flavors for Kindle users.

    101 Reviews for the Atari the Good, the Bad, and the Weird.mobi
    101 Reviews for the Atari the Good, the Bad, and the Weird.epub
  12. DoctorSpuds
    So I’ve been thinking back on my Skeet Shoot ‘review’ and I’ve come to the realization that three paragraphs of me saying hahaha isn’t sufficient to vent my frustration with this game, so I’m gonna go the whole nine yards and give this lousy piece of shit a full review, not because the game deserves it but because I want to insult it more. Skeet Shoot was Apollo’s very first game, and boy does it feel like it, though I’d say it feels like a first year game dev major’s scrapped project more than anything. Thankfully I can say that Apollo’s games did improve in quality, which isn’t too hard to do when the game you started out with is a dumpster fire of disappointment. So… without further ado lets dive headfirst into the still smoldering wreck that is ‘Skeet Shoot’.
     
    Looking at this game hurts me deeply in profound places: My heart, it breaks to see such bile on my beloved 2600, my brain, because the game just looks like absolute shit, my stomach, because this is just making me nauseous… If you’ll pardon me for a moment I need to go vomit. When you boot up the game you will see the top two thirds of the screen taken up by a sickly shade of blue, this is the ‘sky’, the bottom third of the screen is supposed to be the ground but the shade of green they used reminds me more of that slime you’d make in elementary school out of Elmers’ glue and shaving cream and green food coloring, vile. There is a large blue square in the center top of the green bit, I don’t know what it’s supposed to be, but what I do know is that it’s absolute garbage. I know you have to use your imagination with the 2600 but this would push the mental limits of even the most creative of people. When you finally start the game you will see the sorriest excuse for a person that the console can muster, it looks like a front view of a folding ‘caution when wet’ sign with a circle taped to the top, and then tape a black line which resembles an oversized Mohawk to represent the gun. This. Is. Shit. The only three things I haven’t mentioned are the scores that nobody cares about, the tiny square bullet you shoot, and the large diamond shaped discus that emerges from the blue square; otherwise there are no other graphical elements to this game.
     
    This game has four sounds, the sound of the discus being launched, the sound of you shooting your Mohawk, the sound of you missing, and the sound of you actually hitting the discus. None of these sounds are interesting, none of these sounds are really worth mentioning, they aren’t making my ears melt or my head explode, they simply exist. There are very few words that can in this moment describe by anguish and disappointment in this game, WHY DID THEY RELEASE THIS GAME!!! WHO LOOKED AT THIS GAME AND SAID “YES, I THINK THIS IS A GOOD GAME AND SHOULD BE PURCHASED BY PEOPLE FOR REAL, ACTUAL, MONEY”? WHAT SICK DEPRAVED LUNATIC THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!?!?
     
    Playing this game is stupid. The skeet launches in one of three directions, diagonally left, diagonally right, and straight up, you will not know the trajectory of the skeet until it has left the screen (there may be a game variation with a slower skeet but I don’t give a shit). Your restroom sign of a person will appear randomly in one of three predetermined locations, you can see the issue already right? You don’t know where you’re going to be so you can’t aim accordingly, but that doesn’t matter since you won’t know which direction the skeet is going. If you think this is bad enough well I still got more for you, you can aim in only FIVE directions. This all means that you have to hit a skeet moving in one of three directions from a location that you do not know until AFTER the skeet is in the air, by shooting in one of five directions and hoping that the bullet and skeet miraculously intersect. The window of success is so tiny, and so quick to pass, that from certain locations you may not actually be able to hit your target when allowing the average human reaction time. This game is absolute bullshit.
     
    Do not buy this game, to not be tempted to buy this game. I’m going to take a page from the Video Game Critic and give this game a letter grade… F-… This game goes into the Collector’s Zone as far as it can go, further than even the trash from Mythicon. The bar has been set so low that if you dug for it you’d burst into flame before you even got halfway there. FUCK THIS GAME!
     
  13. DoctorSpuds
    So… This Atari 800 computer was found in the basement of West High School in Madison WI. It was with 2 other 800’s, and 800X and a 520ST, there was also an Atari 820 printer, four 5 ½ inch floppy drives, and an Atari 850 interface. The 800X works as do all the floppy drives,the 520ST is not functioning due to an issue with the power button and likely something else,and two of the three 800”s are functioning as well, it is unknown if the 820 or 850 work since we have no idea how to hook them up and use them. It also took us quite a bit of time to figure out that the 800's had to have the front door closed to actually power on the system, we were worried that they were all broken, but as said earlier only one 800 was, and it was because the case had broken in such a way that it couldn’t power on, there is likely nothing wrong with the board and the RAM AND ROM were fine since we had to use them on the other 800 that lacked them, now the poor thing is just a caseless empty husk.
     
    The Machine I purchased is working quite well (and was originally going to use it to type what you’re reading know but all the photo’s I took of the screen had much of the writing cut off, oh well). In fact I’m finding it easier to type on the 800’s keyboard than the one I use with my computer. The machine itself does have a few detractions, mainly due to age and simply being dirty, the function keys are very sticky and like to hold themselves down, this can likely be fixed with a little bit of cleaning, also the PC speaker likes to randomly beep loudly and quickly when I’m typing, I may just disconnect the thing. Aesthetically this computer looks rather hilarious, in that it is enormous. The thing is as long as an Intellivision, as deep as an Odyssey2 with The VOICE add-on and as thick and it probably weighs more than an original Xbox. Yes, I do know about how the 800 was designed to be a ‘friendly typewriter’ or something like that, but that can’t mask the fact that this thing just looks plain weird. But as it is this is a fantastic machine to both type on and play games with, I hope to expand my collection of games, though it is more likely that I will just buy an SD drive and load it up with all the software I want without spending a small fortune.
     
  14. DoctorSpuds
    I'm kind of confused here.... Why would Amiga... THE Amiga make a game for the 2600? And why is it a skiing game? Now I'm sure just about every one of us know who Amiga is, Heck... even I know who Amiga is and I've proven, on many occasions, that I don't know squat about classic computing, If you don't know who Amiga is... Google them, it'll be a fun evening. After reading the little bio provided on AA it seems Amiga wanted to be the 'peripheral' guys, you know, the company that always has a unique controller for their games, think Guitar Hero or Rock Band. It seems that Mogul Maniac had it's own special controller, It's called The Joyboard, and it was meant to give the game 'full body controls', and from the looks of it this thing is rare, so don't bother trying to find one, it probably sucks anyway. This is liable to be a rather short review, since this game is so incredibly simple, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that. In fact I'll likely have to pad out the review by either going on a rant, or writing a sentence that has absolutely no bearing on the review whatsoever, much like this sentence, (see I'm self aware so that means I'm funny)... please laugh.
     
    This game consists of seven graphical elements: The rather nice background, your skis, the red poles, the blue poles, the trees, the start 'line', and the title screen. I imagine all of the memory was taken up by all of the sprites because this game has some of the smoothest sprite scaling I've ever seen on a pre-NES console. I'm actually very impressed, the smooth scaling really puts you in the game, and when you're going really fast, it conveys movement very accurately, top notch stuff. But here's the main problem with this game, unlike with Activision's Skiing, which sets the bar when it comes to skiing games, you have ONLY the colored poles on the screen, no trees to avoid or mulligans to hop over, and it leads to stagnation very quickly, it also limits course design since there are no obstacles to avoid.
     
    This game has very basic sounds as well, even for 2600. This game has, like, four sounds: The opening music, which is an on-key but off-beat rendition of the first few bars of the Olympic Anthem (or the Canadian National Anthem, either one), there is the whoosh of your skis when you turn, which is actually a rather soothing sound, kind of like a white noise machine. There is the angry BEEP when you miss a gate/slalom, and the crashing noise when you hit a pole, which you'll likely end up doing intentionally since it makes the screen flash with many pretty colors. That's pretty pathetic, even for 2600, I'm not expecting anything and yet I'm still disappointed.
     
    In this game you ski through gates, and around slaloms, in first person, I'm serious. Despite the first-person gimmick this game has almost no substance to it, sure in the higher difficulties you can move faster, or there are more gates to ski through, but that's simply postponing the boredom for a few seconds. I'll admit that this game is fun for a few rounds on difficulty 9, but all the other levels are either too slow or too long or both. Perhaps it would be more enjoyable with the Joyboard, but I have a better chance of winning the lottery than finding one of those, but I'll keep you posted on that. Unlike Activision's Skiing, which can keep you playing for over an hour due to the immense variability of the different levels, Mogul Maniac can barely keep my attention for more than five minutes, since It all just starts to feel the same.
     
    I bequeath this game to the Collector's Zone... It was a unique idea that simply couldn't beat it's more traditional competitors, and simply wound up being a cool tech demo in sprite scaling. This game is also more expensive than Activision's Skiing, it's aver 10$ for a loose slightly beat-up cart, while you could easily find a copy of Skiing in the box for not much more than that. I'd say don't bother, especially when there are more enjoyable alternatives for much cheaper.
  15. DoctorSpuds
    What the hell is this!?! This game causes me great distress. This will not be a full review; it will just be me reacting to what has been put before me. Walker by Suntek is one of the weirdest and most nonsensical things I’ve ever had the displeasure of laying my eyes on. This is an incredibly basic platforming game where you are an extremely tall clown that jumps over Bobbies, British slang for police, while meandering through some of the strangest scenery I’ve ever seen.
     
    Screen one:

    This screen is fairly standard. You’re in a city, you can see several lanes of traffic going past, and beyond that is a strangely yellow metropolis on the bank of a river. The detail is nice and there is plenty of movement on the screen, there’s even a little yellow biplane flying around at the top of the screen. This would be a nice screen if your creepy clown demon wasn’t on it though.
     
    Screen two:

    This is where things take a turn for the worse. You are now somewhere in the Midwest United States, the grass is pink, the trees are blue and the native giraffe are frolicking through the purple meadows. I’ll admit that despite some of the inclusions being downright bizarre the overall layout is quite nice, there are several houses in the distance and the sun setting behind a scenic mountain range is very well done. I’m sure they’re supposed to be cows but those running creatures look extremely like short necked giraffes, but at least the gees at the top of the screen are done well. You’ll encounter your first obstacle on this screen, a single stationary Bobby, you simply jump over him, and it seems the programmers took a page from Lady in Wading specifically the one pertaining to jumping.
     
    Screen three:

    Thank goodness, we’re back to normalcy. You are now walking along the coastline; there are islands, sailboats, and whales in the distance. This is another well done screen; I especially like the hot-air balloon. There’s nothing much to say apart from the appearance of another stationary Bobby.
     
    Screen four:

    Oh god we’re back in the purple meadows. The grass is pink, the threes are distressing shades or red and blue and giant scorpions are on their annual pilgrimage to watch The Scorpion King at the only movie theatre that still shows it (the scorpions won’t let them stop).  I’m running out of words to describe just how confusing this is all getting. This shit’s weird dude.
     
    Screen five:

    We’ve now come to a weird screen that is desperately attempting to be normal but is failing dramatically. There is a large snow capped peak that seems to have been cut in half by a turquoise line, there also appear to be gazelle or perhaps deer running about in the background as well. Finally the difficulty has been ramped up for the player, the Bobby now moves. It’s almost like we’re starting to get a real game on our hands, not a collection of random sprites the programmers had left over from previous games.
     
    Screen six:

    Instead of confusing the player with strange imagery the programmers have opted to use flashing lights instead. What appears to be a large red curtain rises up, very much like at the theatre, when you get to this screen. The top flashes between an assortment of colors which the player will find extremely distracting. This is the pinnacle of difficulty as there are now two Bobbies moving slowly toward you, you can avoid them easily.
     
    Once you get past screen six the game repeats all over again, there doesn’t seem to be any difficulty curve, it stays constant the whole time. You will eventually lose as there seems to be a time limit of some sort as well as a set of lives that you don’t see. A song plays as you move across the screens, I don’t know what it’s called if it even has a name but I’d classify it more as a dirge than a piece of music.
     
    I wish I could say that this game was never released, but it was. If you can find a copy of Schussel, der Polizistenschreck, roughly translated to either Schussel the Police Scare or Bowl, the Police Fright, it is the same game. If you want to go throught the hassle of getting one there are currently four copies of Schussel, der Polizistenschreck on ebay.de they are all around 10 Euro so this won’t be a cheap one. I would classify this as purely a novelty cartridge, only get it if you want to have a laugh with friends, otherwise this game goes straight to the Collector’s Zone, I don’t even know if this could be classified as a game…

     
     
  16. DoctorSpuds
    I have neglected my other systems for too long and it seems to be about time to remedy that. With my recent acquisition of an Intellivision II system I felt the urge to go back and play through all the games I have for it. I don’t have many Intellivision games and honestly most of them wouldn’t make a very interesting review, but I do have one game that is just so meh that I can’t help but be slightly angered by it. The game in question is Star Strike, and I have incredibly mixed feelings about this particular title. Just to clarify this is for the Intellivision version of the game, not the 2600 version which is a whole other sack of potatoes, though I’ll probably reference it here or there because I’m inconsistent like that.
     
    The moment you start the game up you’ll see what this is a direct copy of… the trench scene in Star Wars. The trench movement is animated by at the time must have been a cool effect. The trench is animated fairly well; it forgoes the standard flashing segment that was more commonly used, a good example of this can be found in Bugs by Data Age. Star Strike has a wonderful looking starfield even if some of the colors aren’t actually possible, I don’t think green stars exist. Up in the top left corner is the moon… our moon (which is distressingly absent in the 2600 version), and what’s that peeking out from behind it? Earth… Both look very good and are nicely detailed, you can even see North America on the planet’s surface, but not South America, which is startlingly absent, it seems the aliens have already sunk it. Speaking of aliens, these guys look goofy, blue pancakes in space goofy. It seems that instead of ripping off the generic TIE fighter look that so many other games already have, Mattel decided to copy the next best thing, Battlestar Galactica. The aliens bear a resemblance to the circular saucer shape of a Cylon Raider while the ship you fly looks a lot like the back of a tri engine Colonial Viper, what an unexpected crossover. The ship designs are incredibly simple, even for Intellivision, but that doesn’t stop the source material from bleeding through.  There are a few other graphical effects that I found quite interesting, the Earth being destroyed is done spectacularly well with large and fluidly moving explosion sprites bursting everywhere, and destroying alien station is also rather rewarding as it quickly vanishes block by block revealing a screen full of stars.
     
    The sounds in Star Strike are fairly standard and not particularly impressive. Most of what you’ll be hearing is a particularly staticky engine noise and a bunch of weapons fire, the explosions are also high pitched and staticky and lack that chunkiness that makes shooting enemies so rewarding. The only sound that I really think is worth mention is the sound of the giant orange alien missile that fires at the Earth when you game over, it sounds like a really intimidating Theremin, and I kinda love it if only because it sounds so funny.
     
                                              

    The gameplay is where this Star Strike falters, and perhaps even fails. You will find the enemies to be obnoxious obstructionists who are close to impossible to kill. Enemies will approach you from behind, making them unkillable, they will then proceed to harass you, usually doubling up, by either firing at you or trying to ram you. Eventually the enemies grow tired of these shenanigans turn light blue and fly ahead of you finally allowing you to shoot at them, but you’ll find that positioning yourself directly behind them and firing at them will not destroy them; you have to shoot slightly above the enemy to destroy them, and by the time you do that they have left the screen as they can move faster than you. The game isn’t all about shooting enemies though, you might have noticed that both you and the enemies have small bars near the bottom of the screen, these denote depth, yours is always at a fixed depth for one important reason, the actual entire objective of the game, the enemies are just distractions to your actual purpose, destroying the evil flapjacks of death, they are just orange enemy sprites laying on the floor of the trench and you just have to destroy all of them. You have the usage of bombs, which is why you have the bar to denote your depth so you don’t miss all the time, if you successfully hit one with a bomb the entire screen will shake violently, there are five bombs total, and it’s a really good idea not to miss. In the hardest difficulty mode if you miss one flapjack it’s game over, but in the rest it’s something for more insidious, you have to loop back around and go past all the ones you missed previously to get another chance at hitting the target you missed one more time. Usually I missed the final target, which made the trip back around all the more obnoxious, thank goodness for the warp function, buttons 1 2 and 3 can increase or decrease your speed, which makes the return trips more bearable but I wouldn’t recommend them for anything else since it takes you forever to slow down and you’ll probably miss your target as it whizzes past at the speed of sound.
     
    The deck always seems to be stacked against the player, you’ll never get a free shot on a bomb target since you’re always being harassed by the enemies which are for the most part unkillable, you can position yourself as close to the bottom as possible to get an easier hit on the target but getting hit by an enemy makes you lose altitude so you’ll crash, and taking damage will also affect the movement speed of your ship which is not helpful. I know some people like this game, and I can honestly see why, it’s a unique take on the generic space shooter, but at the same time I find the game too frustrating to enjoy fully. This game is remarkably cheap, you can find copies of Ebay all day long, and none of them are over $10, unless you want a factory sealed copy but even those are as low as $6. Chances are you already have this game, if you have an Intellivision of course. Normally I would condemn a game like this to the Collector’s Zone but I honestly can’t when it’s so damn cheap, I will spare this game the Collector’s Zone but only by virtue of its worthlessness.
     
                                                                                             
  17. DoctorSpuds
    Pong is a game that needs no introduction whatsoever, so I won’t provide one. We’ve all played Pong since it’s either been bundled with other games, or is so freely available on the internet that I’m surprised Microsoft and Apple don’t include an advertisement filled version with the newest install of their operating systems. I won’t be looking at any modern iterations of Pong though; I’m looking much further back, further than I’ve ever gone before. 1976, the APF TV Fun Model 401 is released, and quickly becomes one of the most popular Pong Consoles on the market behind Atari and Magnavox’ offerings. It contains four games, the standard Tennis, Hockey, Squash, and Handball for the Larry Loners. It had features like selections for bat size, ball speed, and angles of deflection, which is nice and keeps things from getting too boring. This is the Pong we all know and love since it came on the AY-3-8500 chip, which was the gold standard for cheap Pong Consoles, and was used in a ridiculous number of them. I have three APF TV Fun consoles, a Model 401, a Model 402 (Sportsarama), and a Model 442. All three of these machines have several differences, so I’m going to figure out which one is the better of the three and is actually worth buying.
     
    We shall start with looks, how do these consoles look? Well in two words… the same. All three of the consoles share the same woodgrain wedge design, with the game control panel at the top in burnished silver or aluminum. The only major cosmetic difference that arises is with the Model 442 which only had wired external controllers, and thereby lacked the two controllers built into the front of the machine. When it comes to the back of the machines where all of the wires usually go it’s a different story for all three machines. The Model 401 has only a plug for the power supply, while the Model 442 has a plug for the power supply and two plugs for the two controllers. The Model 402 has the most complicated backside with the aforementioned power supply and controller plugs but with an added plug for the included light gun. While we’re on the topic of the light gun, I think I need to say that (A) mine doesn’t work sadly (B) the plug it uses is the same size as a C64 power plug, so you can plug it into your C64, and © this thing looks real, so real that from a distance it actually looks convincing, don’t take it outside somebody’ll call the cops on you.
     
    The games themselves are standard AY-3-8500 Pong, at least on the 401 and 442 Models, but the Model 402 uses an AY-3-8500 and pairs it with the AY-3-8515 which gives the games color, and both of the light gun games are accessible, they are on the 401 and 442 but you just can’t access them. I don’t really think that I need to describe the sounds or the graphics since we’ve all seen and heard them before. The sounds come from the machine and not the TV which is a bit of a bummer since I usually have my volume up pretty high and these things seem to output a healthy amount of white noise which may or may not be deafening.
     
    All in all these are pretty good machines, they’re durable, and are built like tanks, even if the plastic shells are quite flimsy. The only problems you’re going to have with these machines are the controllers themselves, there are two problems that you’ll face. The first is the most common, these things are old and if you thought Atari Paddle Controllers haven’t aged gracefully wait until you see these things it will take a lot of back and forth movement to loosen up the grime of ages, and if you can get a little contact cleaner, rubbing alcohol, or other type of lube in there you’ll help things along immensely. The second issue is far less common but probably more annoying, complete lack of controllers. Let me explain, when I purchased my Model 402 it lacked the two wired controllers, I assumed that the player 1 and player 2 controllers were the ones build into the console since the machine can have up to four players. As you can guess I was wrong, and was unable to play the machine until I just bought another console that had them (the 442). I believe the consoles are compatible with the standard Atari/Sears detachable Pong controllers; they at least have the same plugs. If you’re looking to buy a TV Fun I would recommend getting a Model 402 Sportsarama, it’s got the light gun (hopefully working), color output, and is four players, it also has the nicest box. TV Fun’s are all over Ebay and usually you can get one in a box that is only mostly destroyed for 30-40 dollars, though some enterprising sellers are trying to sell loose machines for that as well.
     
    A warning to everybody who wants to build up a Pong Machine collection, don’t. These things take up an ungodly amount of space, they are ancient and many don’t quite work the way they should anymore. There seem to be an infinite amount of these things from a billion different companies you’ve never heard of before. My recommendation is to buy the one you want and never buy another; seriously, almost all of these things have the same chips inside them anyway. The only reason you should buy another is if it’s something that has never been seen before, or is something quite rare that is being offered at a very low price which you can then resell for a profit. Don’t get into pong, please, they’ll just gouge you on shipping.[/size][/font]
     
     
                                                       
  18. DoctorSpuds
    I’m going to try something a bit different today, I’m going to try and compress an entire review into one paragraph, let’s go. Spacemaster X-7 is one of the more original games released by TCF, and as far as I can tell it isn’t tied in with any known license. The main objective of the game is to destroy the star base in the center of the screen, by shooting it a whole bunch; this is made more difficult with an expanding and contracting shield that has ever shifting entrances. It’s not smooth sailing as soon as you get inside the shield though since the base, especially in later levels, will begin shooting differently behaving projectiles to pursue your ship or to just be a nuisance. The graphics in this game are extremely basic consisting of a mainly black screen, your ship the base and the shield, there is a basic HUD but nobody really cares about those. The only two things really worth noting when it comes to the graphics are the, somewhat, smoothly expanding shield and the explosion effect when you destroy the base. I was fortunate enough to get my hands of the Taiwan Cooper version of this game ‘Spider’ since the actual TCF carts usually go for around 15-20$ on Ebay and I got my ‘Spider’ in the box for less than 10$. Sadly I will have to put this game in the Collector’s Zone simply because the gameplay doesn’t justify the price tag that comes along with it
     
  19. DoctorSpuds
    Now then if I were to ask you what the most unique boxes were for the 2600 I’d expect to hear answers like Commavid for their amazing box art, Bomb for their unique cutout design and included iron-ons, Tigervision, Mystique, the list goes on. Almost every publisher had a thing that made their boxes stand out on the shelves, but what if the best of these boxes were never actually sold on the shelf, and were instead sold online. What about homebrews? Yes, the homebrew scene on the 2600 is immense. It seems that there are more homebrews released for the system every year than there were in the final five years of its retail run, and as the technology becomes better and cheaper the things these homebrews can do becomes greater and greater. I have two homebrews from AtariAge, them being Mappy and Draconian. I also have an oddity that I will lump in with the homebrews, a while back AA user Brian O noted that an old box design he made for Raiders of the Lost Ark surfaced on Ebay even though he never really distributed the box. I now own this strange one-off box. So let us dive into the fantastically artistic world of AtariAge homebrew boxes!
     
    Draconian:
    The box art for Draconian is incredible, it depicts your space fighter bum rushing a squadron of enemies as several enormous space stations approach from the distance. On the sides of the box both the missiles and spy ships are featured below the title. The art by Nathan Strum is highly detailed and looks almost photorealistic. The artwork takes the Tigervision approach in that it wraps around the entire box making the whole thing extremely eye-catching. One thing that Tigervision didn’t do however was make the art seamlessly wrap around the entirely of the box like Draconian has done. The back of the box has high quality screenshots/artist renditions of the game and details the premise of the game while also tying in to the gameplay, it’s all around good stuff.
     
    Mappy:

    Mappy takes a bit of a 180 and turns from hyperrealism to goofy and cartoony with a hint of abstract. The titular Mappy is throwing open a door waving his billy club as he’s pursued by Goro and one of the Meowky, the orange and purple cats. In the background you can see a television flying through the Void and the Mona Lisa behind another open door situated in the Void. The box art doesn’t completely wrap around the box but it does stretch to both sides of the box giving each a unique side, just like Draconian. The back is simpler than Draconian’s, but not by much. There is some more wonderful artwork from Nathan Strum showing Mappy leaping from a trampoline reaching for a bell which he will then presumably drop on the heads of the three pursuing cats. The blurb is short but details the premise well and the screenshots/artist renditions look just like the in-game graphics, there’s no need for embellishment here.
     
    Raiders of the Lost Ark:

    This design is in stark contrast to the other two which were bright colorful and detailed and goes for a more subdued minimalistic style. The front has only a picture of the in-game Ark of the Covenant and the title with accompanying game information. The box is almost completely black with only the writing, Ark graphics, and two small grew swooshes on the front bottom left and back top right. The back has another Ark but is smaller with the blurb underneath it. The blurb is straight from the manual but it get’s the point across well. There are no pictures of the game itself anywhere on the box, as I said it is pretty minimalistic. Honestly I do rather like it; it has a sort of mystical/mysterious air to it.
     
    Construction:
    The AtariAge boxes are made from standard thickness card stock and have a nice professional smooth and glossy finish to them. Unfortunately finishes like this have a tendency to show any and all damage that happens to the box, even though I’ve kept them in box protectors and they rarely feel the open air they do have several dings and scratches. Raiders on the other hand is constructed from very thick card stock, probably 50% to double the thickness of the AA boxes. It also lacks the shine of the others which leads me to believe this was not professionally printed. Since the box is completely covered in matte black ink it is almost sticky to the touch if you have even a whisper of moisture on your hands. The Raiders box doesn’t show damage as easily as the AA boxes though as the non reflectiveness of the ink hides most small dings and scratches, but this has a small caveat. Since it lacks that shine small smudges and scrapes will never come off, and if even a drop of anything liquid touches the box it will disrupt the ink and create irreparable damage. This thing will have to live inside a box protector until the end of time.
     
    Inserts?:
    All three of these boxes use the same AtariAge style insert, I don’t know where the Raiders box got theirs but it has one. I personally don’t like these things, they hold the cartridge in the center of the box, making it rather difficult to get the cart out without removing the insert as well. I personally prefer the style that most other publishers used, but those had their own issues.
     
    Instructions:
    Both the AtariAge manuals are high quality affairs. Each are printed on high quality thick glossy paper and are filled to bursting with even more custom artwork from Nathan Strum, actually Nathan designed both of these manuals in their entirely. Each manual is themed with their respective game and each is full of pertinent information, as manuals tend to do, Mappy even includes a full color comic detailing the premise of the game and how to play for people who don’t want to read the text. The Draconian manual looks and feels like a military debriefing, like it should have classified stamped on the front. The Raiders manual is just the standard Atari manual, nothing special.
     
    Cartridges:
    The Raiders cartridge is just the standard Atari Silver Label cartridge, there is nothing custom here. The AtariAge cartridges use the standard Atari shells, probably long dead Combats, and simply have a custom glossy top and front label of the box art for the game. They all do the job well.
     
    So now what?:
    Well… Would I recommend that you go out there and buy every single homebrew that you can get your hands on? Well no, even though it supports the site and the creators on it I would recommend that you only get the homebrews that you want, that’s why I only have two. These games aren’t cheap either; they sit at around 50 dollars for boxed copies and 20 dollars for loose cartridges, though some are higher or lower. I will admit though that the moment Wizard of Wor Arcade comes out I’m buying it immediately. As for the Raiders box, well I don’t think you can actually buy it anywhere as this seems to be a one-off printed by somebody in their basement, if you want one I’d recommend talking to Brain O, the designer of this box, and talk it through with him. I paid way too much for this box but I honestly don’t care, it’s a weird one-off that was never really meant to exist in the first place and I love stuff like that.
  20. DoctorSpuds
    Alright guys this is the final non-game I’m looking at for a while I promise but this one is just so strange. I won’t actually be talking about the game all too much since there is almost nothing to talk about in the first place. Comitoid is absolutely mind boggling, it is the textbook definition of confusing. All you do is fly a little spaceship around as it automatically shoots at large flashing objects. There are so sounds, there are no points, and most importantly you cannot be destroyed, so therefore this is moreso a glorified screensaver than an Atari game. Okay now that the game is out of the way I really have to talk about its creator, or lack of one. Whoever compiled my ROM pack attributed this game to SnailSoft, I cannot find anything on the internet about SnailSoft other than they created the Greeting Carts, and Meteor Smasher the only NTSC version of Astro War. What was odd is that when I grabbed a screenshot for the review the publisher/programmer in the file extension listed a guy named Greg Zumwalt as the creator not SnailSoft. After searching for ‘Greg Zumwalt Comitoid’ on Google I found a page on Github that listed him as the creator of several hacks of popular games, he is listed as the creator of Jungle Jane a Pitfall! hack, WacMan as Ms. Pac-Man hack, and Fish Revenge a Space Invaders hack. On the same page Meteor Smasher is listed under SnailSoft which leads me to believe that these two are actually separate entities, though they could be one and the same.
     
    I seriously cannot find a single scrap of information about these guys, they are phantoms. If anyone has any information about either SnailSoft or Greg Zumwalt please feel free to share, but when you’re this deep down the rabbit hole it’s unlikely that your questions will ever be answered.
  21. DoctorSpuds
    Am I the only one who still finds the fact that both Mattel and Coleco released games for the 2600 weird? I know it’s not uncommon today for publishers to release games for all available consoles, but usually the games are from third party publishers. Just imagine if Nintendo released a Mario game for the Playstation AND the Xbox, which just wouldn’t happen today. In rare cases like with Air Raiders, Mattel, who distributed their own, rather successful console, released an exclusive title on the 2600 a console that they were competing with, it just makes no sense. In many of these cases the publishers owned the rights to distribute a certain arcade game, or they had a very valuable IP to work with, that’s what most of this inter-console mingling was, arcade titles, with one or two unique titles here and there. The game we’re looking at today is the arcade conversion of Exidy’s Mouse Trap by Coleco on Atari’s 2600, the only version that, in my honest opinion, got it right. This is not a comparison piece, I would do one if I had the Intellivision version, but honestly I have so much to say about the Colecovision version it could take up its own review, so to spare you the inevitable boredom, I’m only going to review the 2600 version. Prepare yourselves.
     
    This is a very, very simple looking game. You have 20 unique ‘graphics’ there are the cats: facing left, right, a back view for when they are going up, and a front view for when they are going down. The mouse: straight on, and the angry red “dog”. There is the maze, which I will count as only one graphic, because I am lazy. There are the cheese pellets, and the dog bones. Then there is the scoreboard, which consists of your lives in recycled mouse sprites, your bones, which are a different sprite so I’m counting it, and your actual score, 0-9 so that’s ten more ‘graphics’. Please be aware that when I say ‘graphics’ I’m not counting any animation; then we’d be around 30 unique sprites. Still though that’s not a lot, in fact it’s very little indeed, but with this genre of game simplicity is key since the real meat of the game lies in the gameplay, but before we can even consider talking about how the game plays, we have to talk about how it sounds… And does this game sound good?
     
    Well… yes and no. The start music isn’t too bad, it’s not particularly catchy, but since it’s not making my ears explode with displeasure I’ll give it a pass. The one sound that gets on my nerves after a while is the noise made whenever you collect a cheese pellet, I don’t even know how to describe it, perhaps a two-tone beeping noise, or even a ‘cluck’. All the other sounds are fine, all two of them, there might be a 1-up noise but I’ve never heard it, there is the barking sound that is made whenever you collect a bone or initiate ‘Dog Mode’, then there is the “Cat Screech” whenever the mouse is caught or “Dog Mode is successful. The Barking noise is actually a very fun sound to listen to, one wouldn’t think the 2600 capable of creating such a strange sound, but then again the secrets of the 2600 are still shrouded in mystery. (Insert a clever segue here).
     
    I recall ‘The Video Game Critic’ calling Mouse Trap “A thinking man’s Pac-Man”, and I couldn’t agree more, this is the game that Pac-Man wishes it could be. Now this game follows that standard Pac-Man formula: Run around a maze collecting pellets whilst avoiding a set number of enemies. The formula is shaken up though when a classic element is removed and another is put in its place. Gone are the escape holes on either side of the screen, you can no longer simply warp to the other side of the screen, instead you have 10 movable walls that, when the button is held down, change the layout of the maze. These movable walls add a perfect amount of strategy to the game, since you can now influence where the cats go, and even trap them entirely, giving you some much needed breathing room. Even though the cats act dumb as rocks, they always find a way to get you, they’re unpredictable, but despite that I never felt like any deaths were the fault of the programming, only my own stupid risk taking or slow reaction times. I would say more, but since we’ve all played Pac-Man I would only be regurgitating information that you already know, and if you haven’t played Pac-Man before… Please fix that.
     
    Overall this is a very fun game and, in my opinion, is far superior to most other Pac-Man and Pac-Man style games for the system, with the exception of one, but I’ll get to that another day. Suffice to say, this game is great and is worth your time and money, and luckily for you is incredibly cheap, <10$ for one CIB. You really ought to buy it, I’m sure you won’t regret it
     
  22. DoctorSpuds
    It's rather strange to think that one of Mattel's best games was released on their competitor's console, when they had their own, more powerful console just begging for a good unique game. Admittedly almost all of the M-Network games released on the 2600 were poor man's versions of their own Intellivision games, Space Battle, Sea Battle, and Lock 'N Chase come to mind. There was one game though, that was completely unique, and exclusive to the 2600, and that game was Air Raiders. This game falls into a very sparsely populated genre of game on the 2600, first person flying/dog-fighting games, as far to my knowledge the only other games that could fall into this genre are Absolute's Tomcat F-14 Fighter Simulator, Milton Bradley's Spitfire Attack, and Activision's Space Shuttle: A Journey Into Space, but these games are either simulations or require a large and exspensive controller to play properly, while Air Raiders is an arcade shooter through and through. This has been one of those games that has been on my 'Buy It Now!' list for over two years now, and sadly none have turned up in the wild so I've resorted to Ebay, thankfully the game isn't too expensive, but I know that since I just bought it online one is gonna show up at my local game shop by the end of the week, but enough about hypothetical, let's review this game.
     
    This game's graphics are very simple. Since this is a first person flying game your view is from the cockpit, which is indicated by a rather strange brown border around the screen, leaving you with a sort of half-circle window with which to look through. There is a basic horizon which is either straight or diagonal depending on whether or not you're turning. The horizon also raises and lowers depending on if you're ascending or descending, it's basic but still quite serviceable. You have several helpful indicators on your Heads-Up Display, the HUD is made up of three different counters, and two horizontal indicators. The counters are for altitude, hits, and ammo, the indicators are for direction and fuel, all of these work as well as you'd expect, nothing strange here. The only thing I feel could have used more work is the enemy planes, the same simple sprite is used for all of the enemy planes, it's just a very basic side-view of a plane, and that's it. I feel that a lot of potential was squandered on lazy enemy design, since games that use the same enemies over and over end up feeling very samey can get boring after a while, but we'll get to that in the gameplay section.
     
    This game is somewhat sparse when it comes to sounds, you have the chunky rumbling sound of your plane's engine as your constant companion as you play, which will change in pitch as you ascend descend or nose-dive. There is the muffled explosion sound of the anti-air guns as they fire at you on occasion. There is also the sound of your machine guns as you fire on enemy planes and the sound of them exploding when you hit them, the machine gun has to be one of my favorite sounds in any 2600 game, it just sounds so much like an action movie machine gun and I love it. There is also the sound that is made when you crash into the ground, you will hear this sound rather often if you are an inexperienced player. Yeah there isn't rally too much to discuss here so let's boogie on over to the gameplay. (I swear I'll never say that again)
     
    This is the perfect game for both newcomers to the 2600 and old pros who've been with the system from the beginning. Your objective in this game is to shoot down as many enemy planes as possible before you either run out of fuel or ammo. The game starts with you on the runway, ready to take to the sky, you press to fire button to start moving, but don't pull that joystick too quickly now or you'll game-over. You need to get a good four second run up before pulling up, this game has the classic inverted flight controls, so when I say 'pulling up' I mean pulling the joystick down, or south (if you like directions), it makes sense when you play the game. All you do in this game is shoot down enemy fighters, and be careful to conserve your ammo, there is a way to replenish some of it, but it's quite difficult and I've yet to accomplish it. There are also pesky anti-air guns shooting the crap out of you, I have no idea how to avoid them, but if they hit you enough you will rapid lose altitude, each time they hit you you lose more and more until you finally just crash. Enemy planes don't fire on you, they serve only as moving targets to bolster your score, I would have preferred something a bit more intimate, like in Tomcat the F-14 Fighter Simulator but this works fine since you have the anti-air keeping you on your toes. There is a way to refuel and 'replenish' your ammo, you must first get over 10 kills to get the privilege of landing, but there is a caveat to landing, you will replenish your fuel but your ammo will be set to how many kills you currently have, so if you have fewer kills that you have ammo sucks to be you. To land you must fly at altitude 00 and wait for the runway to appear, you then push forward on the joystick until you've landed, I've never been able to do this, but I'm pretty sure I'm stupid and bad at games, so it's kind of a toss up.
     
    This is one of those 'hidden gem' games, a really good game from a company you wouldn't expect. I would recommend that everyone who plays Atari has this game in their collection, seriously if you don't have this game you should go buy it right now, they're usually less than ten bucks on Ebay, even for the slightly rarer INTV version. And if you're into those AtGames Flashback consoles, this game is included on most of those as well, so you can't really lose.
  23. DoctorSpuds
    Well this is awkward. I purposefully wrote my previous review to get all of those pool games out of the way so I’d never have to think about them again but believe it or not I missed a game. I suppose I could be forgiven for forgetting this particular game since the idea of it is so strange I almost can’t believe it exists. Pocket Billiards on the Magnavox Odyssey2, released in 1980, might just be the first Pool/Billiards game ever released on home console, unless the Channel F had one I didn’t know about. This game doesn’t stand a chance, if Imagic couldn’t do it on the more complex hardware of the 2600 how in the world would it be done on the functionally limited Odyssey2? Well the word that would probably be used is poorly. The graphics are good by O2 standards so I can’t complain there, the simple fact that the programmer managed to get something that looked vaguely like a pool table is astonishing. Sounds, again it’s an O2 game so I have no expectations of greatness, they’re acceptable. The gameplay though, this is a tragedy. You are given 16-directional aiming, and when you’re trying to line up a shot that just isn’t good enough. There are no physics either, you hit the ball and it will go in whatever direction it wants, even if you are aligned perfectly with a pocket it will simply go where it wants to. I sat down and played this game for 25 minutes and I sunk a single ball, it didn’t help that I had to keep alternating controllers since there is no option for single player. Today this is just a novelty, give it to your kids and tell them they can eat desert before dinner if they can sink all the balls, they’ll never do it but it’ll shut them up for a while. You can pick the game up for 7-15 dollars loose of CIB is you really want to but I’d really recommend against it.

  24. DoctorSpuds
    Copyright is a fickle thing, and many people do not understand copyright, in fact most people don’t, and as soon as somebody has an idea that is remotely similar to another more successful idea legal action is usually filed. This was the case with Magnavox/Philips K.C. Munchkin, a clone of Pac-Man that expanded upon the initial premise and modified much of the gameplay, which constitutes fair use. Atari, who owned the home console rights to create and distribute Pac-Man did not see things the same way and sued Magnavox/Philips. Atari lost the legal battle, K.C. Munchkin was labeled as fair use, but Atari wasn’t done just yet, since they had a pretty good thing going with the 2600, (for a little while at least) so they threatened retailers who sold K.C. Munchkin to stop sending them 2600’s and games, which would severely hurt those retailers. Everybody can agree that this was a very scummy move on Atari’s part, but was not unexpected, Magnavox/Philips responded though with a sequel game K.C.’s Krazy Chase, a game far superior to K.C. Munchkin which was far superior to Atari’s Pac-Man. I suppose we can think of K.C.’s Krazy Chase as a sort of middle finger to Atari, since the game took the ideas of K.C. Munchkin and expanded on those even further, and as such is the topic of today’s review.
     
    Krazy Chase looks almost Identical to K.C. Munchkin, same sort of maze, K.C. looks the same but has a new and rather cool looking death animation, high score counter, but there are a few different things here. The most obvious difference is the giant evil Dratapillar, which is a being comprised of six balls and a head, then there are the Drats that look like Wobbaffet from Pokemon. The only other new thing is the addition of trees, which are eaten for some strange reason. We’re out of new stuff so let get on to the sounds.
     
    This is one of the few games that support The Voice, which was the voice module for the Odyssey 2, the sounds it makes are… scary to say the least. One would assume K.C. would have the voice of a child, or something high pitched, due simply to the box art and what he looks like in game, but that is not what is given to us today. K.C. sounds like a 45 year old man have a VERY good time, he says things like “Go”, “Watch Out”, “Hurry”, and “Oh no” when he’s hit. The most terrifying thing though is when you finish a stage and the thing laughs, and it sounds so eerily real, and full of joy, like “I just killed this creature and beat its friends over the head with my larger round body, today’s been a good day”. Sicko
     
    The gameplay of simple, eat all six segments of the Dratapillar, whilst avoiding the head and the Drats. Eating a segment will grant you the ability to incapacitate the Drats, but you are never safe from the Dratapillar’s head which will munch down on trees till the day it dies, which is very soon. Difficulty scales well, but skilled players will be bored until the 7th or 8th maze, when things get hilariously fast. This game has an excellent and innovative feature that as far as I can tell no other console ‘Pac-Man’ style game has offered, and that’s the option to program your own custom maze, from what I’ve read in the instruction manual the thing is incredibly clunky to work with, and doesn’t even have the ability to save your mazes for later.
     
    This is definitely in the top 5 for my favorite Odyssey 2 games, and simply goes to show how meaningless Atari’s threats were, since Magnavox/Philips simply turned around, popped the finger, and put out a Pac-Man style game better than any of the officially licensed Pac-Man games Atari ever put out. This is a fun little game, which is well worth the price, I’m seeing boxed copies on Ebay from 15-20 dollars, don’t buy this game loose it’s a rip-off.
  25. DoctorSpuds
    First-person space shooters are nothing new on the 2600, you have your classics, like Star Master, Star Raiders, and Star Voyager, then there are your not-so-classics, like Star Ship, and Space Attack, but there is one game that gets swept under the rug every time the topic is brought up, maybe it’s because the title doesn’t begin with ‘Star’ or ‘Space’ but the game is Phaser Patrol, and in my opinion it’s better than all of the others combined. I think the main reason why it doesn’t come up very often in conversation is because it was released on the ill-fated Starpath Supercharger, as the pack-in title, and for what it’s worth, I don’t think they could have picked a better game. While the concept itself is nothing at all new, it gives the genre new life by injecting it with a fresh coat of paint, and a dash of innovation. As of right now, when I’m writing this I do not have the game in my possession, but as I stated in my announcement I think these games are worth bending the rules for, and without further ado let’s begin the review. Let’s begin with the graphics (as usual), how does this game stack up to it’s rivals?
     
    This game looks excellent, the graphical fidelity falls squarely between the Intellivision and the Colecovision, with a hint of something neither console had… smoothness. Everything in this game moves SO SMOOTHLEY, the enemies, your shots, their shots, it just bolsters the immersion, and it makes you feel like you’re actually out there in space beating the stuffing out of a hostile alien race. This game resembles Space Spartans on the Intellivision, and Star Master somewhat, in that you navigate your way around using a map of the sector, the map in Phaser Patrol is nothing too special, it’s a six-by-six grid with four icons to indicate the contents, I’ll get to them in the gameplay section. Then there is your HUD, which looks amazing, in how almost everything on it has a function, needless to say, it’s large and complex looking, while still being completely understandable to new players. The combat screen is where you’re gonna be spending most of your time, and let me get it out of the way, that’s a nice lookin’ starfield you got there game. Another cool thing on the combat screen is how the shields turn off and on, your shields are indicated by a grey film that covers the screen, and when you turn it on it smoothly rises and lowers from the bottom and top of the screen to meet in the center, it looks so cool! The one sort of gripe I have with the game is how there are only a few enemy designs, and they’re all monochrome, but it’s made up for by the simple fact that you can blow those suckers into shreds. One last thing to mention is how visually incredible the movement of the torpedoes/space missiles are, they move on a slight curve, and scale so smoothly (have I said smoothly enough yet?) that they give a convincing impression of 3D movement, and the fact that your missiles will lock on and track enemy movements is incredible, you will understand when you play the game.
     
    Unfortunately when Stella got her new brain she didn’t get a new voice box to go along with it, the sounds in this game are fairly standard. You have the sort of random beeps like in Star Ship on the map screen, except in Phaser Patrol they get quite annoying very quickly. The warp sound is quite cool and layered, which gives a good impression of speed. There is the classic irritating engine noise that these games always tend to have, but in Phaser Patrol’s case it’s very gritty and can get annoying at high volumes. There are the classic sounds of: you shoot, they shoot, they explode, you get hit/explode, all of these sounds are pretty par for the course, your firing sound is the same as the shooting sound in Berzerk though, so if you like that you’re gonna love this. There aren’t too many other sounds of note, the sound that is made when one of your instruments is knocked out is a rather cool trilling alarm sound but that’s about it.
     
    The gameplay in this game is stellar, I can’t get enough of it, it’s basically Starmaster on steroids. You start on the map screen; each sector is indicated with one of four icons, and empty box, which indicates that the sector is empty, a box with an “X” through it to indicate that it is unexplored, a circular Death-Star lookin’ thing indicates a friendly star-base, and an alien which indicates there are hostile aliens in that sector. You can select a sector with the joystick, and jump there by pressing the button, the screen will turn red to indicate that you are at warp, this is where you encounter your first problem, how do I get off the map screen. To leave the map screen you must flick the Left Difficulty Switch, have fun everybody with a Four-Switch or Junior console, since you now have to weave your hand between the supercharger and the cord to get off and onto the map screen every time you want to jump, but for people with Six- Switch consoles it’s no issue. Flicking the B/W and Color Switch engages and disengages the shield, which is not only a cool effect, but it might just save your ass in the middle of a firefight. The HUD is stuffed full of information, so much information in fact that instead of writing it all down, I’m simply going to include scans from the instruction manual (you can find the same scans on AA’s Phaser Patrol page), seriously, we’d be here for a while. Even though you have your shield you’re not indestructible, since enemy fire will still knock out your instruments, and believe me, you don’t want that to happen. You have four instruments to assist you in blowing up aliens: Shield, Computer, Long Range Scan, and Torpedoes, all of these are indicated on the HUD by the boxes with “S”, “C”, “L”, and “T” in them, when these instruments take damage they change from green to yellow to red. For example when your shield is at green it covers the whole screen, when it is at yellow it only covers half the screen, and when it’s at red it’s completely destroyed. You can repair damaged instruments and refuel your ship at the Star-Bases, simply jump into the sector, wait a little while, and you’re good to go. The real meat of the game is in destroying aliens though, and it is head and shoulders above any other game of this type. These aliens are quick little bastards and will fly erratically, yet rather intelligently, around the screen, thankfully you have a torpedo lock-on function, since trying to shoot these guys without it is damn near impossible. It’s absolutely engrossing, weaving through enemy fire, trying to get a lock on, more than once have I done a celebratory fist pump after hitting an enemy that had been giving me trouble. You are also given a rank at the end of the game from “A” to “D”, I assume you get an “F” rank if you’re destroyed; the way the game scores you is rather unique, since it tracks your energy usage, time spent, and amount of enemies destroyed. Getting an “A” rank is quite difficult to do, even on the lowest difficulty setting. Since the game punishes you for using energy and firing uses energy, it’s really not recommended to fire willy nilly, but you’re also penalized for taking too long, so you have to be quick about it, this game forces you to get good at it just to see that “A” rank appear at the bottom of the screen at the end of the game. By some miracle I actually managed to get an “A” rank the first time I played the game, but now can only manage a “C” or worse.
     
    This is a game that challenges you, and taunts you, and makes you get better at it through intuitive design, and addicting gameplay. I can see why this was the pack-in game for the Supercharger, since it’s one of the best games on the 2600, period. Since it was the Pack-in game, copies of this game are very cheap on EBay loose, but if you want one in the box it’s going to cost you more since it’s got a Supercharger bundled with it. Loose on EBay copies of Phaser Patrol are anywhere from 15-30$ and boxed copies usually run upwards of 80$, again because it’s got a Supercharger with it. If you want to get a Supercharger, I would recommend you buy the Phaser Patrol boxed, since you will also get one of the best games on the system bundled with it (unless of course you don’t like space shooters, in which case, what’s wrong with you?)
     
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