"Not Justin Hawkins, Stephen Hawking or the other dude with a similar name. Real raw retro writer available for hire. Scene legend but not telling you my name!"
???
Scene legend, with 6 followers, and to enhance his pedigree he's 'not telling you my name'... I can see publishers all over the world kicking doors down to hire him.
Made me properly laugh out loud. What an absolute clown!